Page 2 | Help I'm 39 and pregnant

Oliva736 · 2025-04-21T14:59:16+00:00

I need advice, me and my partner have children from previous relationships our both youngest are 11.. we have been together 5 years are due to get married this year.. we agreed last year we wanted a child to together.. we have been trying but never thought it would happen.. I'm 9 weeks pregnant at first was a shock.. and he was over the moon and couldn't wait .. all of a sudden he said he dont want another child as he hasn't got it in him to become a dad again.. says he's just getting he's life back as the children are growing up I'm 39 he's 46 I'm so lost and alone ..

Chonk · 21/04/2025 17:34

Why doesn't he work?

Mumsymumsymumsy · 21/04/2025 17:35

@Oliva736 Go it alone. I was a similar situation, decided to stick it out and now I’m worse off and alone anyway. Pull the plaster off now rather than in the future as it’ll be much more painful then, as I’m currently learning. He has shown his true colours already, a blessing in disguise.

Jk987 · 21/04/2025 17:35

So why was he having unprotected sex with you?

MaudePie · 21/04/2025 17:36

I’m so sorry you are in this situation - I am currently in a very similar situation where we were trying for another baby, but when I told “D”H I was pregnant (after an upsetting loss last year) his response was “ I didn’t know how to tell you, but I’ve decided I don’t want another baby so if this goes wrong that’s it.” It’s devastating and such a head-f*ck to be treated as if you’ve done something wrong when it was supposed to be something you were both actively trying for.

As others have said, you’ve been a single parent before and you can do it again. Do you want him around/do you think that will make you happier? It’s nearly two months since I found out I was pregnant and it’s like some huge dirty secret - my husband never mentions it and it makes me feel really sad and unsupported. If we didn’t already have children I’d leave him as it would be easier to not have to put up with him as well, but I’m worried about the impact on our other children.

Original poster

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:37

Chonk · 21/04/2025 17:34

Why doesn't he work?

He's been applying but not got anything so helps out at home school run etc not just my daughter he takes he's son too.. helps out doing house work and I get verbally bashed for that (cuz he has to do everything)

OP posts:

Original poster

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:39

Mumsymumsymumsy · 21/04/2025 17:35

@Oliva736 Go it alone. I was a similar situation, decided to stick it out and now I’m worse off and alone anyway. Pull the plaster off now rather than in the future as it’ll be much more painful then, as I’m currently learning. He has shown his true colours already, a blessing in disguise.

I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. And in starting to think il be better doing it alone if I'm honest..

OP posts:

Original poster

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:42

MaudePie · 21/04/2025 17:36

I’m so sorry you are in this situation - I am currently in a very similar situation where we were trying for another baby, but when I told “D”H I was pregnant (after an upsetting loss last year) his response was “ I didn’t know how to tell you, but I’ve decided I don’t want another baby so if this goes wrong that’s it.” It’s devastating and such a head-f*ck to be treated as if you’ve done something wrong when it was supposed to be something you were both actively trying for.

As others have said, you’ve been a single parent before and you can do it again. Do you want him around/do you think that will make you happier? It’s nearly two months since I found out I was pregnant and it’s like some huge dirty secret - my husband never mentions it and it makes me feel really sad and unsupported. If we didn’t already have children I’d leave him as it would be easier to not have to put up with him as well, but I’m worried about the impact on our other children.

Congratulations on your pregnancy hun.. blokes can be selfish pricks it's like you knew what you was doing at the time it's like we have rolled over and got our self's pregnant.. I have asked him to leave and he won't.. he lived with he's mom just because he put some money Into decorating he thinks he's got some owner ship of my house ..

OP posts:

Original poster

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:43

Jk987 · 21/04/2025 17:35

So why was he having unprotected sex with you?

I think he may of thought I was less fertile

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AlisounOfBath · 21/04/2025 17:53

What a prick, and saying he’s going to die if you carry on (all this “in a box” shit) is the worst kind of guilt tripping. He may well be panicking. That’s understandable and ok but saying those kinds of things is unacceptable. I’m so sorry. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Hope it goes smoothly x

NotsosunnyShropshire · 21/04/2025 17:55

Do you really want to be tied to this useless arse for the next 18 years?

IstayhomeonFridaynight · 21/04/2025 18:03

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:42

Congratulations on your pregnancy hun.. blokes can be selfish pricks it's like you knew what you was doing at the time it's like we have rolled over and got our self's pregnant.. I have asked him to leave and he won't.. he lived with he's mom just because he put some money Into decorating he thinks he's got some owner ship of my house ..

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He has no right to live in your home, as I'm sure you're aware. I don't know what the process is where live, but he's going to have to go back to his mums, with his son. Can you call the non-emergency police line or WomensAid for advice?

When he realises that he can't live in your home anymore, and won't be financially supported by you, he may say he's changed his mind, it was stress etc. I think it would just be panic that he has to provide for himself and his son, but if you do take him back, cancel the wedding, don't give him a share of your home. As he's not working, he could end as the resident parent, possibly living in your home, and getting child maintenance from you.

I think you need him out now.

IdaGlossop · 21/04/2025 18:07

Oliva736 · 21/04/2025 17:32

I'm keeping the baby regardless of what he wants .. I am angry very and if he dont want to be a part of this he's the one that's fucked .. my house .. I work he don't he will have to go back and live with he's mom again

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Keep up this admirable feisty attitude, OP.

PooksBear · 21/04/2025 18:07

@Oliva736Probably best to get him to marry you anyway, and he probably will come round, they usually do! And tell him he's the stay at home dad!!! Perfect!!

IrritatedEarthling · 21/04/2025 18:16

39 is a long way from too old to conceive. I'm sad for you that he told you one thing and now has changed his mind, quite cruelly.

There's no reason why 46 is too old to be a dad.

SnakebitesandSambucas · 21/04/2025 18:25

I wouldn't risk marrying him. Your financial independence and housing security. Red flags!!!

AncientAndModern1 · 22/04/2025 15:54

Whatever happens do not marry him. He sounds a like a loser.