Mums at birth??

[Irish24]

I got stick from someone in work that I haven’t asked my mum to be at my birth. I honestly didn’t even think it was that common or a thing unless the woman was single or the father wasn’t around. I just assumed it would be me and my husband. My mum and I are close but no offence I wouldn’t want her to see me in a vulnerable position giving birth but turns out now I will need to have a CS due to baby being breech so that means only one birthing partner and that will be my husband. The girl in work had asked me again and insisted my mum needs to be there as she gave birth to me and it’s her grand children and I politely told her it wasn’t her business and she has shut up asking me. My mum has asked me if my husband will be ok with the baby and said she was going up to my granny’s that day. I told her thats fine and that I would keep her updated. Now I’m over thinking was she trying to drop hints. I feel guilty now that I’ve came across cold and that I don’t want her there. She of course will be kept updated on visiting times and when she can come. Am
i in the wrong here?

You are absolutely not in the wrong. Your meddling colleague needs to mind their own business. Birth is very personal. Anyone with sense knows she should decide who is present for the birth.

I wouldn’t want my mother there either. The only person who has a right to an opinion on this is the person giving birth not even the father gets an opinion on this.

I wouldn't have asked my mum even if my husband couldn't be there. I loved her dearly but I think she would have been upset seeing me in pain. Tell your colleague it's your choice and to mind her own business. Good luck with your CS🙂

Sounds like your mum was genuinely just checking you didn’t mind that she already made other plans.

It didn’t even cross my mind to have my mother there. It was a special time for DH and I. If anything I think he’d have felt offended if she was there.

My parents didn’t see my baby until after I left hospital. It was fine.

Don’t overthink it - it’s totally normal to just have your partner.

I think it’s probably a cultural thing. I wouldn’t have wanted my mother there, but my older sister would have been a lot more useful than poor DH. My MIL went to her parent’s house to have her first baby, so had her mother with her. I think that might have been more normal in the 60’s. I think fathers only started attending births in the 70s. I wouldn’t be surprised if the trend went back to women surrounding themselves with other women during birth.

Have who you want with you, OP. It’s a very personal thing, so you should do what’s right for you. Your colleague should indeed keep her opinion to herself.

People are ridiculous. Sure personal choice anyone can choose who is right for them to be there. But pushing their ideas onto others is crazy. Your birth do what is right for you, not others.

If you future childs father, wants to be there and you want him there. Then definitely the child's father, you the parents. It's a beautiful family moment.
I'm sorry grandparents can wait in line, they had their turn to be a parent, now they got a new role.

I definitely didn't want my mum their either, she was available if needed but happy that I wanted the moment with my partner.

I had my husband with me (long delivery, ended up being an emergency C-section). My mum flew in to be nearby (staying at ours whilst we were at the hospital) but she definitely was not in at the actual birth.
She would have been useful (she's a doctor) but she was very respectful of this being an important moment for the father of the baby to witness (he actually even held my baby before I did).
Mum did not drop any "hints" of wanting to be there but it was clear she'd be by my side as soon as I called her. And she was! Once I got sent back to my ward. She also stayed with us for two months, which was super nice as she helped with the cooking and the housework whilst I recovered and focused on my baby.

I just found it strange how she was so insistent on my mum being there rather than my husband when it’s not even her in the situation. I didn’t get what that was about and then asking me more than once is my mum being there. I had a good excuse to tell her that I’m now getting a CS so only one partner allowed and that will be my husband

Nobody I know had their mother as a birth partner. It’s the sort of stuff I’ve only seen on one born every minute (also I suppose if you’re no longer with the dad, mum makes sense). Having flashbacks to what I was like giving birth though (not a pretty sight, covered in all sorts of fluids, all clothes off in frustration), I don’t think I’d be comfortable with her there. Also our relationship isn’t like that either - we’re good, just not that open. I also don’t understand how colleagues feel entitled to give opinions on such subjects. Only my bestest friend would be allowed to be this personal. And I don’t think your mum was hinting anything, the pressure of the conversation at work made you think that.

My mum is like my best friend and I wanted her there alongside my DH. Luckily I did have both as it was a LOOOOOOONG labour so one could have a quick look break/drink and I wasn’t alone. The relationship I have with my mum I couldn’t imagine her not being there but it’s entirely personal who you want with you.

I think it’s normal both to want your mum there or NOT to want her, but it’s not OK to harass other people about their choices!

That’s fine and great it worked for you. I just personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with my mum there. We are close but as someone else has said we aren’t that open and I would rather I wasn’t pressured or felt forced by other people who think they know me better than I do

Jeez why is your colleague so invested in this?

I’d have rather been alone than have my mother tbh. But I’d never dream of telling someone else they shouldn’t have their mother there if that’s what they wanted.

I don't know anyone who had their mum at the birth of their child. Absolutely fine if that's your colleagues choice but I don't think it's the norm, and agree she should not be pushing it on you.

DD1 needed NICU and it was during covid so my parents didn't meet her until she was 3-4weeks old. DM and DF came to help with childcare of DD1 when I gave birth to DD2 so they met her when we were discharged when she was 2days old.

Exactly if someone wants their mother there that’s fine I wouldn’t judge. I’m just not that open with my mum that’s all and a lot of other friends or family didn’t have their mums in with them either. I’ve no idea why they were so invested in this. I found it odd and rather invasive. I also don’t think my mum would want to be there either for the same reasons as me. I think she’s happy to be in the background and visit when she wants and is able to. That’s what way I have left it. I know it sounds petty but I had great pleasure in telling the work colleague that only one birthing partner is allowed and that I don’t get a choice so she hasn’t asked me since

I love my Mum dearly, but Jesus she'd be a nervous wreck, who would be best kept at a distance!!!
Your body, your birth, your choice!

I was angry that my mum and her friend were outside the room waiting till I'd given birth, let alone in the room.

I mean I was 17 but still!

I was there at the births of my Grandkids.. my daughters wanted me there and it was amazing...

It's personal choice and whatever you want is what you should have. It's not bad that you just want your husband. Sometimes especially in a long labour it's nice to have mum as well as husband (provided you have a good relationship and she is a good support) just because it can be a long time and nice to have different types of support but in a c section of course only your husband. I think it's nice your mum checked that you didn't need her to be on standby. Weird of your coworker to care so much about it.

Can I presume from your username that you're in Ireland, OP? I've certainly heard before that it's much more normal there for a woman's mother to be present when she is in labour (than in England, say), so maybe that just your colleague's family way of doing things?

Personally, absolutely not!

I have a great relationship with my mum but absolutely not!

DH was my birth partner. On day 2 my parents and in-laws met baby.

I know one person who had her mum but she was quite young and the father wasn’t involved. Everyone else I know just had their DH with them.

Exactly why I said it’s all individual ☺️

Who you have with you when you give birth is a hugely personal choice and the only person who’s opinion is relevant is the woman giving birth!
Personally, for my first birth it was just me and exH.
2nd (home birth) I had my mum elsewhere in the house keeping my toddler busy and exH in the room with me….but approximately 3 seconds after my DS entered the world, I started hysterically screaming “Where’s my mum?! Somebody go get my mum!” 🫠🫠😂😂😂 So my mum was with me for the glamorous business of delivering my placenta.
My 3rd was me, exH and my DS.
I was birth partner for a good friend of mine who’s DH was deployed overseas and she didn’t want her mum there.
My DH was birth partner for his sister when her exH was in jail and his mum (who works all over the country) couldn’t get a flight in time to be with her.