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Original poster

Baby’s last name

27 replies

caitx747 · 19/03/2025 09:40

What happens if you and baby’s dad can’t agree on whose name baby should take. I’m due to give birth in the next couple weeks and I’m not with the baby’s dad and would like them to take my last name. He doesn’t agree with this so just wondering what happens if we can’t agree and who gets the final say.

I haven’t seen the baby’s dad since I found out I was pregnant (we are also both 19) and whilst he has said he wants to be in baby’s life and I’m hopeful he will, I don’t want baby to have his last name and him decide to not be involved. I’m also not keen on double barreling as I think the name is too long and our last names don’t really go.

he has since said that he could settle for his last name being their middle name but I already have a middle name picked out as I would like it to be after my Nan so I’m not sure what to say

What’s your thoughts??

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SlenderRations · 19/03/2025 09:42

Child can have two middle names. Easy

FortyElephants · 19/03/2025 09:46

You can register the baby without him, if you think he's going to be a dick at the registry office. However I do think it would be better for the child to have their father on the BC and his name as a middle name if he is generally a decent man. It's good for kids to know where they came from and have a connection to both parents if possible.

SausageRoll2020 · 19/03/2025 09:47

If you are married then either of you can register the birth, it's simply a case of who gets there first.
If you are not married then he cannot register the birth alone, only you can. And if he is to be on the birth certificate he needs to be present.

I'm going to presume from your post you are not married which means it is your choice. He could however take you to court to have the name double-barrelled in future.

Double barreled seems the logical choice.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/03/2025 09:51

Your name. You’re not even together, there’s an incredibly high chance he won’t be around in a meaningful way.

InigoJollifant · 19/03/2025 09:52

you would be absolutely crazy to give the baby his last name. Give the baby your last name & put his name as a middle name.

I have two middle names, one of them is my dad’s last name (even though my dad was in a relationship with my mum I had my mum’s surname fwiw).

user1492757084 · 19/03/2025 09:53

First name, second name, his name, your surname.
Two second names are quite common.

Roselilly36 · 19/03/2025 09:53

Give baby your surname, it will be much less complicated that way.

LadyDanburysHat · 19/03/2025 09:54

You are the only one who can register the birth. The baby gets the name you want to give them. I would not give the baby his name at all. You aren't even a couple.

Squibblypanda90 · 19/03/2025 09:54

My 6 year old has got a long name (his dad's name and my dad's name) and a double barrell last name. Was an equal choosing of his name.

user2848502016 · 19/03/2025 09:54

You get the final say, he can’t register the baby on his own. It might be the best compromise to have his name as the middle name though - have 2 middle names if you definitely can’t bring yourself to drop the middle name you want

SemperIdem · 19/03/2025 09:58

Your last name. You’re not together, are unlikely to be so in the future and whether he stays true to being an involved father very much remains to be seen.

I wouldn’t indulge his last name as a middle name personally.

FrozenFeathers · 19/03/2025 10:15

Considering his behavior so far, don't put him on the birth certificate, don't give the baby any of his names. If he wants to be involved, he has every chance to do so. If he proves himself a good father, he can always be added to the birth certificate later. But as of right now, don't give him any parental rights. That could be a nightmare down the line.

ARichtGoodDram · 19/03/2025 10:16

If you're not married then you get the final say - you're the one who can register the baby. He can come with you, but he cannot do it alone.

ARichtGoodDram · 19/03/2025 10:17

I'd add his name as a second middle name.

That gives your child that connection to his name, and also staves off any attempts in future to have his added as a double barrelled name or anything like that (as it's there and he agreed with it being a middle name)

VoyageVoyager · 19/03/2025 10:19

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/03/2025 09:51

Your name. You’re not even together, there’s an incredibly high chance he won’t be around in a meaningful way.

This. If you haven't seen him since you got pregnant, there's your answer. He doesn't have to 'agree'. If you want him to, eventually, have some form of relationship with your child, you don't have to placate him by giving the baby his surname.

sel2223 · 19/03/2025 10:21

In your circumstances, I'd be giving baby your surname.
Who knows if and how long he will be around for

LavenderBlue19 · 19/03/2025 10:36

It's your choice. You're not married so he can't register the birth without you.

Definitely give the baby your surname, without a doubt. Add his as a middle name if you want - middle names are basically irrelevant, no-one uses them. If you haven't seen this man since you got pregnant, and you are only 19, he is very, very unlikely to be much of a feature in your child's life.

Your baby absolutely does not need his surname. For context, I've been with my partner for nearly 20 years, had my child six years ago, and child has my surname. Double-barreling would have been ridiculously long, and my partner was fine with using my surname (which is unusual and pretty).

FenellaFurchester · 20/03/2025 13:50

It’s your decision entirely. Only go as far as middle name if you want to and you think he will be a decent dad.

As a mother, having a different surname to your child can cause lots of life admin issues. Even taking your child on holiday (or returning home) can have problems with different surnames.

Burntt · 20/03/2025 14:24

Children should have their mothers name, the fathers name thing comes from when women married and took their husbands name.

read around it but a child not having your surname can be problematic for things like travel abroad.

also expect to get called Mrs ex name by people talking to you about your children.

if I were you I would give dads surname as a second middle name. That’s what I did when I left my ex when pregnant. He tried to change it in court but as I’d recognised him with the middle name he lost that part

OptimisticRealist2024 · 20/03/2025 15:49

If you really aren't sure, I'd give baby your surname. I think it would be easier for stuff like school or travelling and things.

Fwiw I made my maiden name a second middle name when I got married. I like having that link but won't be doing it for my baby for lots of boring reasons. I only ever have to use my full name for stuff like banking so it's a bit like having a symbolic tie to my parents. I like it.

Give the baby your surname and then offer them the choice of a second middle name when they're older and know what kind of relationship they have with their father. I don't know the legal ins and outs but imagine you'd have precedence if you don't live with the father.

Lavenderrose92 · 20/03/2025 17:09

Baby will be born “ boy of polly smith” he has no legal rights until he’s put in the birth certificate if you are unmarried and all the documents will be boy of your name!

PickledElectricity · 20/03/2025 17:14

Traditionally, the baby has the same surname as the mother. It's only in recent times that people have lost their minds and given children a different surname.

It doesn't sound like he's been brilliant so far, so don't give him any more power than you have to.

Yes while it's nice to have both parents on the birth certificate, it will also give him rights that you may come to regret. You need to put your baby first and not let this boy bully you.

Register the baby alone with your surname. If he wants to be involved he has a long road ahead of him to prove that he can step up and be a good dad.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 20/03/2025 17:16

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/03/2025 09:51

Your name. You’re not even together, there’s an incredibly high chance he won’t be around in a meaningful way.

This.

Sofiewoo · 20/03/2025 17:17

I haven’t seen the baby’s dad since I found out I was pregnant (we are also both 19)

Do not even consider giving your baby this boy’s last name.

Strokethefurrywall · 20/03/2025 17:26

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GIVE THE BABY YOUR SURNAME!!