Childcare during labour

[Elz1406]

Hiya, hoping there might be some good tips from people in the same position!
I'm due with my second child in August and just starting to feel a bit concerned about arrangements for when I'm in labour.

We don't have any family nearby or who are in good enough health to look after DC1, who will be 20 months at the time, for a significant period. It's the 2 of us doing childcare 100% of the time. We have lovely friends who I'm sure would want to help where possible but people work and have their own families. I don't think we'd be able to arrange anything solid.

Basically the only real option is to pay for childcare but I'm not sure what - are there childcare companies that will do last minute, emergency childcare!? If anyone's had any experience of this I'd be really grateful for any suggestions! We're based in Manchester. Worst case scenario I labour on my own and DH stays home with our toddler but that wouldn't be my preference. Thanks so much!

I’m sure a friend who is a SAHP would be delighted to help out. Much easier when it’s someone you and your toddler know than employing a stranger. Is your toddler at nursery and you are friends with the parents he plays with there?

Could you look into a doula so you don't need to be on your own? Your husband then could look after the child for a bit or at least have more time to take them to nursery / arrange childcare for a shorter period and come to the hospital a bit later?

Morning! We were literally in the same position. No family support whatsoever. Every moment of childcare we did between us.
So, in the months ahead I asked around at playgroup etc, offering to pay. I got 2 mums "on call". It worked out fine. We decided, though, that if neither were available for any reason, I'd just have to go it alone and DH stay with the toddler.

Thanks for your kind responses :)
Unfortunately none of our parent friends are SAHP, all are back at work and a rowdy toddler at short notice would be a lot for a non parent friend🤣 Our toddler doesn't sleep at all well which complicates things too.
Our parent friends are all mainly antenatal group so all have similar age littles and went back to work at the same time! We're both teachers and we do have a fellow pair of teacher friends but they're also expecting their 2nd bub!
Maybe the doula idea is worth looking into - would have to talk it through with hub. It would certainly take the worry out of childcare to have that option. Thanks for the suggestion!
Definitely can see the benefits of having family support at times like this!

I think the Doula, or similar, is a good idea.
We had absolutely no support at all, and every time it couldn't be either of us, we had to pay for it. That's life, it worked out fine for us, and our DC are now adults, so just do your best.

We were in the position of having noone locally who did childcare for us. Do you have any family further away? We basically arranged a relay system, where we had a brilliant non-parent friend who was willing to come for a couple of hours in the middle of the night to give chance for SIL (2hrs away) to jump in the car and drive down to relieve our friend and then give my parents the five hours they needed to get to us.

In reality, I went into labour at around 6am (i had been told to go to the hospital as soon as i went into labour as DD2 was thought to be breech) so DH stayed with DD1 until nursery opened at 8am, then he came and met me at the hospital around 8.45am and DD2 was born naturally at 10am after turning herself head down. I also looked into doulas to support me but i felt happy to labour alone if needed so decided to not go down that road.

I also wouldn't write off your working friends. People understand that childbirth is a very rare thing and I think you'll be surprised at how willing they are to help out. Our friend for example wouldnt have felt confident to have DD1 overnight, but we thought that in the worst case scenario, they could just watch CBeebies on IPlayer for an hour in the middle of the night whilst our relay system kicked in!

I work pretty much full time, but if a friend needed this I would absolutely do it for them (helps that I’m not a teacher, Doctor, retail etc but many jobs have my sort of flexibility - I had a number of such friends lined up for my subsequent labours). Ask!

my children’s “useful” grandparents were six hours drive away but were happy to come the moment we asked them to.

Every parent who doesn’t have a few responsible family members or friends to count on should shop around for a qualified babysitter and use them regularly to build a relationship with their child so they can be called upon in situations like this.

Yes it costs money but having another responsible adult in your life that you know you can rely on in cases like this is invaluable.

Have you considered a home birth?
We called my Mum at 4.30am, after my first contraction, and she set off on the M1.
Mum, paramedics and Baby all turned up between 7 and 7.05..... a midwife at home would have been much simpler!!!

Yes, but she obviously doesn't have a mum?
I didn't either, so who would have supervised the small child while all this was happening?

I work full time and have two young children but if a friend asked me to do this I’d step in and make it work. Ask a few local people and then set up a WhatsApp group so when you need them you can send a message and see who is most easily able to help (even if your WhatsApp messages are usually silent they can set it up to beep for certain chats). If you’re in a while they can also arrange cover between them.

Do you have any further away family who could travel over and take over from you local friends? It might be easier to arrange if they are only needed for a few hours.

Does DC go to nursery while you work? You could ask the staff if any do babysitting.

Oh, I sorry. I ready it as the only family fit enough to do childcare weren't local. Our closest family are a 2.5 hour drive away, hence I thought it might help.
DH looked after our toddler from him waking around 6am. I was pretty much on my own - hence having a midwife there from earlier in proceedings would have been helpful.

I’m 35 weeks and haven’t yet figured this out; OP. We did explore the doula idea but I’m not keen. We have no family to ask. Babysitters didn’t help; as they can’t plan ahead to know if they’ll be available… that might be a local issue; but I must have talked to about 15, and most had other jobs/responsibilities so we couldn't be sure they’d be available when I went into labour.

Two friends have offered to have him “if they’re free” when I go into labour, but that’s quite non-committal too! An emergency nursery day is an option if it’s in the day, but it seems statistically unlikely to be.

I’m getting my head around that I may have to do labour by myself while DH has DS. It’s not ideal, and I’m quite scared, but I have to prioritise DS too.

A home birth wouldn’t be an option here given the risks for me, but even before that was the case, they recommended someone was on hand to deal with the toddler - so I think you’d not be alone, but still be doing a lot of it by yourself, in that situation, and it seems a really personal and divisive decision on whether toddlers around is helpful. A friend of mine intended a home birth with her child around a few months ago, and it went really well, but she felt she couldn’t labour with her three year old there, so sent her to her mums… and then her labour stalled for a few days, probably because of the drop in oxytocin.

I’ve got no answers but lots of sympathy for your situation!

It generally works out fine because we're very good at giving each other time for stuff but labours more a one woman job! Thanks for your response and good to hear from someone who's been in the same boat!

Not at all! In fact, I think it made us a close family. It was tough at times, with literally no-one to support us, but you manage, and as you say, make time for each other to have a breather.

I know this doesn't really help. But when I was pregnant with dd2 dd1 was about 1 year old. No family, no friends, no support other than hubby.
We actually ended up taking her with us to give birth.
I had broached this as a last resort with my midwife who basically said the hospital won't be too pleased but do it because they can't say or do anything about it.
Sometimes you can't particularly plan when you go into labour.
Ended up being absolutely fine, hubby took her outside the room for the last bit (little devil never went back to sleep when we woke her to go to the hospital)

If you have no other option, and you're comfortable with taking your other child with you, then do it. At least you won't have to stress about a decent baby sitter or child being anxious because you've never been away from them before.

I was considering this but unfortunately our hospital has a very strict policy of no children on the delivery ward. I've actually seen husbands and children asked to leave! I suppose one possibility would be to potentially ask one of our less busy friends to come wit to supervise DS in the waiting area outside the ward with hub dipping in and out to support. I think that would be more feasible than asking a friend to look after him at their home. Thanks for the useful food for thought and so glad it worked out for you!

Thanks so much for sharing this. It actually is very helpful to hear that it is a thing to give birth without DH/DP there. Most of my friends have active healthy parents who regularly look after DC so the idea of going it alone would be unfathomable. Hearing someone else considering it makes me feel less crazy! I feel the same - ultimately if it comes to it- knowing DS is safe and happy with DH at home would be worth it.
I'm generally quite good at doing things on my own although it is a bit of a scar prospect!
I hope that whatever ends up happening, it all works and and goes well for you :)

Oh also we've had the same very kind of offers of helping if labour falls on particular days but, as you say, that isn't really a solid enough plan! I have anxiety to want to have a clear plan in place that won't involve having to ring round loads of friends!

You might be surprised by how well your daughter copes, if that's the issue for leaving her with someone less familiar. I had to go into hospital when my son was a similar and had never left him; I thought he'd scream the place down but he was completely fine being passed between aunts and friends as they were available. I would never have left him then if I didn't have to but sometimes you just do 😊 I'd have a few different scenarios to work with, and if you can definitely find a paid babysitter you can build a relationship with. Also offer lots of favours now for those friends with similar aged children! They might be having their seconds soon too!

Have you tried asking any friends? They may be more than happy to help.

I have two young children and work full time but if my friend had no other option I would be happy to help! Is your other child in nursery?

I know it’s not what you asked, but I laboured alone and left DH to look after my eldest at home. It was absolutely fine, and tbh I’d do it again as I don’t feel I really needed him in labour the first time round. I had an induction and sort of pottered around waiting for things to happen, then once things were happening I hypnobirthed so didn’t really want to talk to anyone. DH came the day after to collect us and take us home.

Yeah we do have a lovely babysitter but she can't do short notice/emergency stuff overnights. The problem is you don't know when you'll go into labour!

Honestly I've found it really helpful that people have shared that they laboured alone. It makes me a bit more comfortable with the idea so thanks for sharing!

Thanks for everyone's kind responses. Rightly or wrongly I'm not comfortable relying on favours from friends as these are all dependent on when labour would happen which is unknowable. The idea of DS being passed around different friends would just stress me out and the last think I want to be worrying about is organing rotas of friends. Happy to ask for help from friends for a few hours but not for extended periods of time. I think I've made peace that I may be on my own but I'll continue to do some research into emergency childcare - we're lucky enough to live in Manchester where most things are available! Probably not cheap but I think the least stressful option! Thanks so much!