Partner’s Overseas Family Staying a month Postpartum—Will I Cope?

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Sorry- long post but in desperate need of advice as I’m really struggling with how to handle this, and I don’t want to be selfish. Context: this is our first baby.

My partner has two sets of parents, both live a long way overseas, and he wants them to come and stay with us after the baby is born. One set plans to visit for about two weeks when baby is 4-6 weeks old, and then a few weeks later, the other set will stay for the same amount of time. They would be staying in our home, and despite regularly talking via messenger/facetimes etc. I’m not comfortable as I am with my own parents

I completely understand how important it is for them to meet their grandchild, and I know they don’t have the luxury of popping in for short visits like my own parents can. I feel awful because my parents live nearby and will be around to help, while his family will have to travel so far just to see the baby for a stint. I don’t want to take anything away from my partner, and I know how special this time is for him too.

But I also can’t shake this deep fear that having people staying with us for over a month in total within the first 3 months of babies life will be too much. I don’t know if I’ll be physically or emotionally ready to have house guests while I’m recovering, sleep-deprived, and just trying to adjust to being a mum. When we flew overseas to visit in my first trimester, I found it so overwhelming navigating early pregnancy symptoms and keeping up with everyone.

If it were just one set of parents visiting, with a bigger gap before the other set visit, I think I’d feel differently. But having them come so close together makes it feel relentless. Without sounding awful, I also get the sense that the second set wanting to visit so soon after the first is more about competition (with each other) rather than what works best for us, which adds another layer of stress...

I do want to be fair to my partner and his family, AIBU? How do I approach this conversation without sounding like I’m shutting his family out? Would it be better to suggest a later date?

Penis portions = when you automatically serve large portions to the men sitting round the table and much smaller amounts to the women.

MIL always does this (and arguably men do, on average, have higher calorie requirements than women), but I'd recently given birth and was breastfeeding, and I remember being so hungry while she was staying, but not feeling comfortable enough to ask for more (I didn't know her very well at the time).

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply, I really appreciate all the perspectives and advice. Before approaching what felt like quite a harsh conversation, I wanted to hear from people who have been through similar situations and make sure I was being fair.

I’m incredibly lucky to be surrounded by so much support. My partner is wonderful and would always put me first, which is exactly why I wanted to think this through properly before making any big decisions. His family are also genuinely lovely and caring people, and I know they will just want to help in any way they can. They certainly wouldn’t expect to be entertained, and I have no doubt they’ll be understanding.

After a lot of thought, and reading through this thread, I’ve decided to push back the visits until the baby is at least three months old (with no dates set in stone until the birth!)
My main concern is around establishing breastfeeding and wanting to feel comfortable doing that, as well as having a much bigger gap between both sets visiting so that it doesn’t feel too overwhelming.
I’m very aware first baby will be a huge adjustment, and while I don’t want to be selfish, I think when it comes to staying over such a long period of time, it’s important to make decisions that protect my own state of mind after having just ejected a whole human out of my body! I think everyone’s emotions were just perhaps overriding practicality.

I needed my own space even before I was pregnant so I think it’s smart to have a little more breathing room.

Thanks again for all your input—it really helped me feel more confident in making the right decision for our little family!

Thats a good compromise and fair enough really.

My husbands family live abroad and I would never have had them come to stay when I was newly post partum.
They are not easy people in general but honestly you don't want people in your house after birth unless they are there to help you! (That means helping with cooking, cleaning, laundry, not just holding the baby and making you do it)
Any hosting you do takes away from your recovery and bonding time with baby and even if your partner does the hosting duties, he's less able to help you and settle into life as a new family.
It's also not nice to have someone in your space with lots of opinions when you're trying to figure out what works for you as a new parent.
Just voicing some worse case scenarios because I think it could be really challenging.
For our first we travelled to my partners home country when our baby was 5 months old - is that an option for you guys instead? That way everyone gets to meet the baby when you're feeling a bit more established and you could stay in a hotel to give yourselves some space if needed.
This time my MIL wanted to come and help with my toddler after our baby was born but I said no, so they're coming for a visit pre baby and then we'll travel to them when baby is around 5 months again.
Hopefully your ILs are not as stressful as mine! And maybe you'll cope better but I wasn't super well after birth and definitely needed my own space for a while.

Dont do it, they need to get an Airbnb.

I had my in laws come to visit from overseas when baby was 6 weeks old.
In my experience I absolutely wouldn’t have coped with them being in the house with us.
I was still sat with my boobs out half the time trying to properly establish breastfeeding which was taking its toll. We were both sleep deprived and trying to grab sleep where we could, not easy to do if you’ve got guests in the house.
They stayed nearby and popped over most days to visit us but made their own plans in-between.

My husband's family live half way across the world. I was only 9 days postpartum when they had come over for two weeks. It was such a difficult time for me, I failed to establish breastfeeding (a guilt that I still have even though my daughter is now 14 months). I had to pass her around like pass the parcel so missed out on a lot of skin to skin contact. I didn't have any privacy what so ever, whenever I tried to breastfeed my daughter, I was always interrupted. My FIL failed to notice the importance of having my husband around and he would want to go out shopping and take my hubby.

In my culture, new mothers are taken care of by their mothers but my mother didn't even get the chance to make the food that I needed for recovery because she was too busy making sure my in laws were comfortable. I was so sleep deprived, bleeding, tired, sore, trying to recover from a complicated pregnancy and a traumatic delivery yet I still had to go make breakfast or dinner for my in laws. I had to "look after" my MIL (although I don't blame her, she suffers from a condition which has affected her neurologically).

I am pregnant again and hopefully if its a viable pregnancy, I have decided that I don't want guests until my child is well over 6 months. I told my husband that I need space and he agreed. I also told him how important breastfeeding is to me and that I need to be comfortable in my own home.

Also ALL the unsolicited advice drove me crazy and it still does tbh!

I think the first time round I was very naive - I was only married for 4 months and had gotten pregnant so I barely knew my in laws but I now know the importance of boundaries and saying no. 😊