Breastfeeding

[AHBM2020]

Hey guys, I'm having my first baby and I would really like to breastfeed, as well as pump into bottles for my partner to also do the feeding. I feel like feeding is a really good place for bonding, and I'd appreciate the extra feeding help 😂 is it naive of me to think I can do this as a first time mum? I worry that the baby may prefer either breast or bottle, and get attached on only one.

Absolutely doable.

I established nursing for first 2 weeks and once I knew the baby was gaining weight I started expressing and husband fed baby one bottle a day, which we increased to two a day around 12 weeks.

By the time baby went to daycare around 16 weeks he would have expressed bottles there and I'd nurse him mornings/evening.

Same with baby 2. I stopped pumping around 6 months (switched to formula) and both babies stopped nursing around 9 months naturally.

It seems like a lot of people did get stuck on my desire for feeding bonding with dad 😂 that wasn't all I wanted, I know how tough it can be with a baby (and I ain't even had one yet) so I'd really appreciate the chance to just destress whilst dad gives a bottle.

People keep taking my post as some kindve hidden insecurity I have, but that's just not true. I genuinely just want to breast feed my baby, and give my partner the chance to feed his baby as well as help me out when I'm stressed. I know there are many other ways for the father to bond, but that's not the only reason I want to do this. He is as equal parent as I am to our baby, is it crazy of me to want some help from him?

What did you want out of this thread? You specified in your OP you wanted dad to feed for bonding. Not meaning to be patro, but if you’re confident in your decision, just get on with it. You know yourself and your baby better than anyone.

@DaphneduMaureen if you'd read my post you'd see it wasn't just the bonding, it was also help with feeding. Also, that I haven't yet had the baby yet so I can't quite know my baby 😂 don't even know the little one's gender yet! I'm just looking for advice on how other mothers got on with feeding their little ones breast and bottle, that's all. I didn't ask to be judged for my opinion. I wanted to know if I was just a bit inexperienced to assume I could do it, and also know HOW I can do it. I've gotten some great advice so far, just a few mean judgemental comments

Pumping is a lot of work: researching the best pump, ordering it, learning how to correctly assemble and use it, buying accessories to make pumping easier (like a pumping bra to keep your hands free while pumping), learning how to fit your pumping session into your breastfeeding schedule, taking the time to pump, finding the correct container so that your milk doesn't spill of the bottle gets knocked down, remembering how long breast milk can be stored, washing bottles and pump parts (that one can be shared with the dad), dealing with customer service if your pump has a problem, researching how often pump parts should be replaced (and replacing them off needed), etc ...
IMO, given the extra work, pumping should only be done for the benefit/convenience of the mum. Some mums find it more convenient to only nurse, others find it more convenient to pump occasionally, regularly or exclusively. There no right or wrong answer, only you can decide that. My advice would be to decide how often to pump based on what works for you, and not take your partner into the equation because he's not the one who is going to do all the work (I say that having exclusively pumped for one year with a very hands on dad/ equal partner, it was more work for me than him, even if we shared the feeds).

OP it seems you overlook the baby's needs here - my view is that they should come first. That's where I would start. Your tiredness, stress, need for a break and dad's bonding are secondary to baby needs. Know what's best for the baby and then you figure out how you manage so that it works for you all. Breastfeeding is certainly the least stressful part of having a baby. That's actually when you charge yourself with the strength you need. I breastfed both mine until 12 months and loved ever second. I dreaded the pumping stage..... as it actually puts more pressure on you and gas no benefit for the baby.

Sorry, but I totally disagree that 'breastfeeding is certainly the least stressful part of having a baby' and I know many other women who would agree with me. I'm breastfeeding my 4 month old as we speak and I look forward to the future when I'm not going to be doing so any longer. Obviously everyone's experiences are different but breastfeeding is hard work for many people and often has it's challenges.

That being said, I hate pumping - I still find it uncomfortable on my nipples and I hardly get anything since my supply settled so I vert rarely do it anymore. Only very occasionally on a morning if I'm very full if he hasn't fed as much as usual overnight.

I combi fed my first two babies from being around 2 weeks old without issue OP but they only had about 3 bottles a week. I don't think that's anywhere near enough for bottle preference. They had expressed milk in the bottles til 6 weeks then gradually formula once I couldn't keep up with the pumping.

As a word of caution though, we'd planned the same with this third baby and unfortunately he has other ideas. We still offer a bottle around 3 times a week but he's pretty much a refuser so far. He will sometimes take between 50 nd 80ml reluctantly which is basically a tiny drink for him and then he just cries when he wants more and I have to breastfeed him anyway. So hopefully your baby will be co-operative OP but just be aware they might not be.

I did read your post. I know you haven’t had your baby yet. I am sorry I responded to your thread asking for opinions and advice with opinions and advice. One more tidbit for you: get a thicker skin, because not everything’s an attack. All the best!

Good god the judgement on this thread.
The poster asked for advice on breastfeeding and pumping. It's a totally legitimate question, many have done this successfully and obviously others disagree. Why is the consensus on this forum that it's ok to post opinionated, judgemental rubbish that's not even what the poster asked for because 'she asked for opinions and I'm entitled to give mine'
Sorry you had to read the horrible comments OP.
Good luck with your baby, don't let the negative comments bring you down.

Your inability to be helpful is not the poster's problem.
She doesn't need thicker skin, you need some empathy and to know when your judgement isn't wanted.

And this garbage is why mums mental health gets ignored postpartum
How is replacing one feed with a pumped bottle neglecting the baby.
Hint: it's not

Oohh nice 😂😂😂
I was a previous poster who offered helpful advice actually.
So obviously I not notified at subsequent posts and was disgusted by your judgement.
But your language would suggest you are a delightful person, so maybe I'm wrong

Oh no! Nameless faceless person on mumsnet thinks I’m a meany! How will I cope?

Well that's the thing isn't it. Nameless and faceless you may be on here but people posting for advice are real people aren't they? Just be kind. I don't give a monkeys what you think about me.

My posts to OP were kind. Stop attention seeking and get on with your life.

I did not say it's neglect. Read the science on bf. Breastfeeding is hard for a few weeks and best for baby and mother in the long term, if it's what the mother wants and can, it's about mindset. I am not talking about situations where it is medically difficult or impossible. Please read all the posts before you reply and pass judgement

Well the poster wants to breastfeed so what is your point. Nothing wrong with pumping a few feeds. The EBF judgement wasn't needed.
I'm well aware of the benefits of breastfeeding thanks.

Breastfeeding and pumping is hard. Breastfeeding alone can be bliss, but you do need the mindset for it and the right support to begin with. My mindset made a difference for me. Otherwise, I would have ended up bottle feeding consider the pain and bleeding during the first weeks. It's a personal choice that has long-term benefits. Thanks to breastfeeding, my kids took to healthy food easily and continue to do so. And this is only one of the benefits.

We just gave our baby a bottle of formula a day instead of bothering with punponh

having a newborn is hard enough without also having to pump
my husband did a midnight bottle of formula
and I breastfed rest of the time

his bonding was sitting up for hours in the night with both our babies watching films while they lay sleeping soundly on his chest - he cherishes those moments way more than ever bottle feeding them

Just stop.
Baby taking to food well has nothing to do with your EBF mindset in afraid.
My second especially is an amazing eater.
Yes she has some pumped bottles.
I'm afraid you are clutching at straws here.

The advice has always been to establish breastfeeding first then introduce a bottle. You may find as I did that once established (expect this to take around 4 weeks as a first time mum) breastfeeding is so easy and natural that you don't bother with bottles and go straight to a cup around 6 months

I would plan to breastfeed and your partner can do everything else including distract the baby so it doesn't overfeed. It's only 6 months and then the baby starts solids.

I've successfully mix fed my 8 month old, and to be honest without the option for DH to feed him with an expressed bottle now and then so I could get some sleep or just have some time not being touched I don't know if I'd have lasted this long.

Every baby is different but what worked for us was introducing the bottle a bit earlier than guidance suggests. Around 3 weeks old as I recall, rather than 5-6 weeks as we'd read.

Now he has teeth coming through and nursery coming up I'm winding down the breastfeeding and have introduced formula, so now he gets whatever is most convenient for us at the time, breast, expressed breastmilk or formula.