Breastfeeding

[AHBM2020]

Hey guys, I'm having my first baby and I would really like to breastfeed, as well as pump into bottles for my partner to also do the feeding. I feel like feeding is a really good place for bonding, and I'd appreciate the extra feeding help 😂 is it naive of me to think I can do this as a first time mum? I worry that the baby may prefer either breast or bottle, and get attached on only one.

This is what I want to do for my partner, not what he's asked, but thanks for assuming and judging wrongly :)

I'm planning on doing exactly the same as you so thank you for creating the post. As for a plan I have zero clue but a few people have told me about Hakka on the opposite side to catch the let down etc!

Good luck I'm sure you will all do amazing ✨

It's absolutely possible as a first time mum!

I had DD1 in 2020 in the midst of covid and there was next to no BF support whatsoever, not even at the hospital after giving birth. My mother and family all bottlefed so they were no use and, when my babies weight dropped 12%, even the health visitors were just telling me to give up trying! There was a lot of pressure for me to switch to formula.

I was so determined to BF. I was hospitalised for a week, within a month after having my baby and was really poorly but I had my baby next to me the whole time and was still breastfeeding.

The only thing I did have to do in those first couple of weeks was top up after every feed with one of the little pre made actimel bottles to get her weight up as I struggled to pump. Slowly it got easier and I produced more milk through pumping (and a hakkaa) so could stop the actimel but baby had got used to the combi feeding by then and never had any issues with going between breast and bottle. She also took a dummy no problem.

DH loved feeding her. Of course there were plenty of other ways they bonded too but this was something we all appreciated.

Hi not OP but thank you for your advice! I was wondering what you'd consider a decent amount of colostrum to collect before birth? I'm 39 weeks and have got 3 and a bit syringes, was considering not bothering with more as I thought I could always hand express at hospital if needed.

They are definitely handy to have but only for a few days. After that, milk comes in properly and baby wont consider colostrum as anything other than a snack 😂 I wouldn't push yourself to collect more

Hello, that’s great you managed to get some! Do remember it’s what just worked for me, but it did really ease the pressure on me post birth. My wife was really proactive going & getting the syringes in the hospital and baby was pretty hungry so it saved being on me constantly while we waited for my milk to come in. I wouldn’t put a number on it as all babies are going to be different, but personally I spent time each night trying to get some, I’m self competitive though and I’ve wound up with some in the freezer now about to expire 🙄 like a previous poster said, you get to the stage where colostrum wouldn’t touch the sides for them haha. Good luck, you’ve got this!

PP has given her opinion based on her actual experience, I didn't think she was judging you. It's a useful forum, and people do try to help. Good luck with your baby.

Thanks @Happydays2025 and @Btowngirl 🤗 think I'll leave it for now unless I gamble on it trying to start labour! Due date is Thursday

"And if dad can't think of any ways other than feeding to bond with the baby then he needs to give his creativity a shake to be honest"

That IS judgemental.
If you can't see why the OP might take issue with this assumption then you are part of the problem.

I think there's plenty of other ways for dad and baby to bond. Pumping is hard work and adding even more work to sterilise bottles etc when you could both use that time in better ways. I didn’t think as far as going into hospital - I think you manage it when it comes to it! That would be a time when you could use a pump rather than the other way around! You baby needs to bond with you first of all and won't get from Dad what they get from you. I think every parent should read Gabor Mate. I never heard of him when my kids were small. I only discovered him recently and was gutted. I didn't read his books earlier. My kids are teenagers now.

There’s loads of ways dads can bond with babies, winding them, bathing them, just cuddling them and swaying/humming, babies love that 😊

I exclusively bf my second dc for 23 months after bottle feeding my first (long nicu stay) and if you can get past the first few weeks, it really is the easier option in my opinion. No sterilising, constant supply of milk weather your out for 5 mins or 5 hours, great excuse for lazy skin to skin days.

I did try combi feeding but unfortunately left it too late and dc had complete bottle refusal gave up trying in the end as it was stressing us both out.

Few tips...
Get a good nipple cream and apply every time your arms are free

Make sure you get a good latch established before leaving hospitals, there are people to support and it makes all the difference

Research different feeding positions can help with both latch, pain and exhaustion (prevent dowsing on the sofa while feeding if you can master feeding lying down in a safe environment)

Find a breastfeeding support group - this could be on organised group or just a friend that has done it before who will no doubt have many hints and tips

Make sure you have a supportive dp. Many times in the early weeks I wanted to give up but his support kept me going, snacks, warm baths, massaging clogged ducts

And finally I'm still a believer even after 23 months that fed is best and the mh of mum far outways the benefits of breastfeeding. It's the hardest but most rewarding job if it works but don't feel like a failure if both you and baby can't master it. Just as you are learning to feed so are they.

Also havnt read all the replies but your partner can bond in many ways other than feeding. Burping, after milk cuddles, bathing baby, baby massage ect my dh has an incredible bond with my dd if anything she gravitates more to him than me and even did while I was still feeding (think she saw me mainly as a source of food) and he has never fed her a single bottle

OP is free to listen to everyone's opinions. We all have one. Nobody is judging her or forcing her to comply. She hasn't had her baby yet and it's always good to ask what other mums think.

Maybe in six months time she will have some experience of her own to draw on, at the moment she doesn't. Why should people bother replying if she doesn't want to know what they have to say? It's all hypothetical at the moment, anyway.

Part of what problem???

I don't know why this thread took a turn in assuming you would only want dad to feed as a bonding opportunity 😂😂😂
It's hard to imagine when they are tiny but at some point down the line you might (shock) appreciate that dad can manage an evening or two without having to be available to feed in person.

The judgemental mumsnet problem.
If it's all hypothetical at the moment then why make assumptions that her DP doesn't know how to bond with the baby.
It's just ridiculous and anyway you can see from the Ops response that she found the comment rude.
I read the comment in exactly the same way.

The need for dad to bond with baby through bottle feeding is massively overstated and, in my opinion, something people can use to soothe themselves when they’re not confident in their decision to bottle feed or worried they’ll be judged for it. As any EBF mum will tell you, dad bonded with baby beautifully without ever giving baby a bottle. Focus on establishing breastfeeding and introduce a bottle when baby is at least 6 weeks, in my opinion.

I think people need to understand what “bonding” is in the postpartum period ie. the process of mum and baby’s endocrine systems syncing and producing hormones that speak to each other. Dad is never going to have that, and that is just science. When we speak about mum and baby bonding, we are speaking about something different to dad and baby bonding. Nothing can simulate the chemical process between mum and baby.

Thank you - I was trying to make the same point but you nailed it!

From Gabor Mate I think an important book is Hold on to your kids and another one is Scattered Minds. They explain the psychology of bonding and family relationships.

The OP didn't ask for anyone's judgement though, she asked if it was possible to BF and pump for bottle feeding, which it absolutely is. That's what she wants to do, that's what's right for her family and that's perfectly ok.

I bottled fed my son baby milk till he was 9 months then straight on full fat cows milk.
I thought about breast feeding but it was just a no for me.
My sister breast fed one she said it was to painfull to do it again and bottle fed the other.
I think its down to what you want op good luck with the baby.

No probs! I went 11 days over so had plenty of time to hand express haha. Good luck!

This, exactly. Is it possible - yes. Is it right for some people - yes. Does OP need the EBF warriors piling on - no.

Your baby your choice OP. What you're proposing is perfectly fine and perfectly do-able. Don't let anyone push you into feeling you shouldn't pump/use bottles if that's what works for you and your husband.

I returned to work after 3 months, but i breastfed both of my kids until they were 2.
I started with getting used to bottles when they were about a month old. When you are a working mum who wants to breastfeed, you often have no other option then starting to practice with bottles and pump.

It is better when the other partner is giving the bottles, not the breastfeeding mum as the baby will want her breast instead of the bottle.