Refused C Section- can anyone offer advice/share their experience?

[Quinners]

I am currently 36 weeks pregnant and have always leaned towards an ELCS despite being low risk (the unknown, uncontrolled element and higher risk of incontinence later in life for V birth were the main elements for my preference).
I told my Midwife at my last appointment and she was very patronising. She booked me in to see a consultant and i was hoping we could have an informative discussion about the risks, pros and cons etc. Wow was I wrong!

Firstly, the consultant took me to a room in the hospital and asked me to sit while she stood over me for the entire meeting (weird power dynamic move). When I said I'd like an elective she simply said 'no' and didnt even ask for my reasons. She then asked how tall I was and said 'oh you're tall and nice you'll push a baby out easily'. How is that a professional comment? She also dismissed my concerns around vaginal birth complications and said that she'd had three kids and was fine. I was hoping for data and statistics rather than a personal anecdote. She then became very keen on writing in my notes that l didn't want an induction (I hadn't even mentioned this) and said that if I got to 40 weeks without going into labour they'd book me in for another c sec discussion.
I left the meeting feeling extremely upset and disheartened. I don't mind the refusal so much but the way I was spoken to and the lack of actual facts/clarity is really disappointing. Would love to hear some advice or to see if anyone else has experienced a similar thing? My health board is in Wales so unsure if that makes a difference.
Thanks for listening

As of 2023, guidance states ‘if a woman requests a caesarean birth, this should be offered within their obstetric unit’ so would hope that now it would not be considered acceptable to refer women miles away to receive their choice of care.

Absolutely agree with you that the guidelines are not mandatory and impossible to enforce, however I think it’s helpful for the OP to know that her choice is supported by evidence- based guidelines when she is arguing her case and potentially being talked down to or dismissed by midwives or doctors

Does height make that much difference ? This worries me as someone who is 5ft nothing and pregnant. I wasn’t aware it’s easier for tall people to give birth.

op I agree the personal anecdotes was pointless and unprofessional. I wouldn’t let it go and would keep asking.

Why is that not a valid reason? It's a preventative measure. And all the women I've spoken to who have horrible birth injuries are just left to it and told "it's part of being a woman". It's bull shit.

You could say the same about all these people on weigh loss drugs. They are doing it to lose weight and to prevent future obesity related illnesses.

Yes, infection risk is there and numbness etc from a section, but that's a clear risk that everyone knows about. No one talks to you about the risk of vaginal birth and the devastating consequences on your body, should it not go to plan.

Lots of people bringing their own personal viewpoint to this discussion, many giving incorrect advice.

@Quinners The current legal position regarding informed consent to medical treatment was set down by the Supreme Court in the case of Montgomery in 2015. As you’re pregnant, I wouldn’t suggest you read the judgment.

Essentially, a doctor has a duty to ensure that the patient is aware of any material risks involved in any recommended treatment. S/he also has a duty to advise the patient of any reasonable alternative treatment.

“An adult person of sound mind is entitled to decide which, if any, of the available forms of treatment to undergo, and her consent must be obtained before treatment interfering with her bodily integrity is undertaken.”

The days of a patriarchal system where women blindly did as they were told by midwives and obstetricians is long gone. Doctors have a better understanding now of patient autonomy. Your consultant should be having a dialogue with you about the benefits and risks of both vaginal delivery and caesarean section, so YOU can make an informed decision.

In your shoes, I’d be asking for another appointment with the consultant on the basis that you’ve not been properly consented to treatment in accordance with Montgomery. Trust me, they’ll know what you’re talking about.

Hi OP, I had a very similar experience too. My midwife was supportive but my consultant wasn't at all. Very dismissive and treated me as though I was insane for even asking for an elective c-sec. I ended but having a natural birth. In hindsight I was happy this was how it turned out because once it was over it was over and I could get up, move about and get on with things. I haven't had any longterm effects from birth but maybe I was lucky. Best of luck op

Stop about the tena lady 🫣

Doesn't sound very professional, given that she gave no valid reasons or discussion, as others have said I would also go to PALS. From what you say, she also sounds intimidating.

Please let us know if you do get what you want, it will help others in similar circumstances.

OP advocate for yourself - there is some good advice on PALS and requesting a different consultant on here amongst frankly unhelpful anecdotes. I’m sorry you haven’t felt supported. Keep doing your own research and be as well-informed as you can.

I’m so sad at the comments here people saying things like It’s part of becoming a mother? So we better just suffer through it even if we don’t have to? A pp said women are ‘worried it’ll affect their vagina’ scornfully like that’s a silly thing to be concerned about? some women’s ability to hold pee and poop or enjoy sex is damaged forever, it seems fair to be worried about how your genitals will be effected?

It’d be one thing if maternity services weren’t scarily understaffed and underfunded, if there weren’t constant reports out about the horrendous care mothers and babies receive and many more women weren’t left with life long injuries due to poor care and if something like almost 50% of first time births didn’t end with some sort of intervention anyway. But that is the context women are making their decisions in. I wanted a natural water birth, I was pushed into forceps in theatre, I later found out that I didn’t actually need it. Hospitals are understandably risk averse, but it is women who suffer and so taking that decision into your own hands makes sense for a lot of people.

Fwiw current data suggests that at population level cs and vaginal births cost nhs the same

Well, they have to try and put you off a bit. There's not the capacity for everyone to have a c section.

Same here. I had a bad 3rd degree tear with my stillborn and I have so many issues from it. There's near 24/7 discomfort, daily pain and rectal itching, bowel problems (I cannot use a bathroom without a peri bottle or bidet). Knowing this will likely only get worse as I age is really depressing. I'm pregnant with my second now but I nearly opted out of having more children and I'm still on anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication from the physical symptoms and PTSD from my tear. It's a daily battle.