Faint line pregnancy test. Panic stations!

[Me345]

Im a 38 year old single mum to a wonderful 6 year old. I have been seeing someone for 5 months, but I mean I wouldn't say it’s necessarily casual but it’s definitely not a full blown relationship. We speak every day, and I normally see him once a week. He has never met my daughter and she doesn’t know he exists. He is only 31 and has no kids of his own, we have spoke before about whether he wants kids, just in general obviously not with me as it’s only been 5 months, and he said yeah he thinks he would be a good dad but it’s just hasn’t happened and it’s not the end of his world if it doesn’t. Anyway this week my boobs are so sore and I keep needing the toilet so straight away I’m like uh oh. Not my first rodeo. I took an early detection pregnancy test this morning, one that can detect from 6 days before a missed period, I’m 8 days before today, so still very early but I couldn’t sleep because I was panicking about perhaps being pregnant so I just had to give it a go. I don’t know whether my eyes were playing tricks on me or not but I’m pretty sure I can see a faint line. I will do another one in two days to confirm. Then once I know for sure I’ll have to tell him. Now that is the scary thing, he is literally the loveliest man and I don’t want him to panic. I mean I wouldn’t need anything from him, I know I can do it alone like I currently do, financially and emotionally, yeah course I’d like him to stick around but if he doesn’t he doesn’t so that doesn’t scare me. I just think he is lovely and I don’t want to hurt him. I know it’s both our responsibility and all that but I can’t help but feel for him.

Oooh OP, I can feel some excitement from you when reading your post!

I was 37 and just out of an abusive 15 year childfree by choice relationship/marriage when I fell pregnant in the second month of dating someone new (he's also younger than me). What a shock that was!
Fast forward 5+ years and DD1 is now 4.5 years old, we're married and DD2 is on the way.
It's crazy how life works out sometimes.

I hope however your situation works out you all end up happy and healthy. Good luck.

Looks positive to me!

Looks positive. And if he's as lovely as you say he will be lovely about it (once the shock has worn off). Good luck.

I told him last night I have a strong suspicion I might be pregnant, he was calm at first asked if I was would he keep it and I said yes, but then he spiralled and said he doesn’t even know if he wants kids and certainly not now. He was still very lovely about it tbf but clearly panicked and so I asked him if I am pregnant would you rather I just never spoke to you ever again and he said he really hopes I’m not but if I am he thinks that’s for the best as he doesn’t know how he would cope, so I said well that sucks as I’d really miss him and he said he agrees and he would really miss me too. So now I just feel very sad.

I think you were very good for taking that approach as soon as you suspected, though it's not right even if you are happy and able to do it alone. To immediately let him off the hook. His response is sad and not a good one either, he is the other person involved towards making this baby if you definantly are pregnant.

Yeah I know but I also know making someone be around when it’s not what they want doesn’t do any favours. It’s very sad and I do kind of hope he will come around a bit. I’m very surprised tbh as his mum is a single parent and his dad is not in his life at all and he talks about what a waste of space he is and he knows the issues my daughter has with her dad. I mean I’m not saying I expected him to be happy with the situation but I didn’t expect him to never want to talk to me ever again.

Of course. Being realistic is also necessary in these situations as you say. I mean I know accidents can happen, but why do these men partake in sex and then have this attitude.

He could just be freaking out , leave him alone a while now to figure it out and let him approach you or not .

If you are definitely pregnant and he calms down and wants to be involved, you will need to think about how this will work with your dd. You don't know if she will lijke this man or vice versa or what sort of step parent he will be. I would not rush things forward, still take your time getting to know him and introduce him to your dd slowly and make sure he is a bonus in her life. I'd have the mindset of a single parent and if he proves himself then he can gradually become a part of things.

Aww op I hope it works out well for the both of you. Keep us updated xx

I wouldn’t just let him meet my daughter and I know no different than the mindset as a single parent so that’s not hard. I’m just sad because I kind of liked and was getting used to him being around for me, it was like my little separate life I had, something for myself and unfortunately whether I am pregnant or not that dynamic will change now.

Just had to say what a totally refreshing attitude and so different from all the 'screw them for every penny' brigade.

I was in a vaguely similar situation many years ago, I took nothing from him and he disappeared from my life totally. It was brilliant. No drama and my son has no interest in finding him.

Thanks. I’m in a very fortunate position I work full time in a very well paid job so I don’t need anything from a man. For me it isn’t about the money tbh. Today he has been still lovely like always but I think he still thinks there is a chance I’m not pregnant and is hoping im
not. I said I’ll do another test in a couple more days

It's early days OP and he'll likely still be in some shock.
Give it a few days, retest and then have the conversations x

This is exactly how my test looked at 10dpo. By 12po it was a clear positive on that and a digital!
I hope everything works out for you!

He sounds like a nice man, so is likely just shitting his pants atm.

I would get another test sooner rather than later so he can know for definite.

I'd retest ASAP so you can start to make plans with or without him. He might be in shock, but I think it's pretty low to suggest never talking to you again.

He didn’t suggest not to speak to me I said it, “if I am pregnant would you rather you just don’t hear from me again” and he said “I don’t think I can continue to talk because it will push me over the edge”. I kinda wish I never said that to him and just let him think what he wanted without putting into his mouth/brain. I can test again tomorrow but I won’t get a chance to get out and get a test tonight for the morning but I can grab one tomorrow to do the following morning. I’m just a little scared to do that. I didn’t sleep well at all I woke up at 4.30 full of dread. Thankfully I’ve been very busy with work today so haven’t had a chance to dwell too much.

I’ve read that blue dye tests have a rep for false positives.

Well in a way I’m kinda hoping that it is a false little faint line. At least I won’t have to go through this stress and make some hard decisions in the coming weeks.

Hi, did you do another test? X

Yes I did it today actually. Looks like I’m doing this xx

Aww congratulations! How are you feeling? I've been thinking about you all week actually.

Thank you so much. So my initial panic and shock has definitely subsided now because I was spiralling for a bit earlier in the week. I feel a lot happier about it now. I haven’t actually told him about it yet and he hasn’t asked but we have still spoken all day every day about every other aspect of our lives. It’s like the conversation we had Sunday never happened. But anyway I have decided to keep the 100% confirmation to myself for a few more days because whether he panics about it today or next week isn’t going to make a blind bit of difference to his reaction and isn’t going to make a blind bit of difference about how I’m feeling about it. X

Congratulations op, have you updated the dad? It's his loss if he doesn't stick around but either way you look like you've got this