Terrified

[TeenGirl2024]

I'm gonna be for real, i'm terrified about the whole pregnancy thing, i'm only 19 will be 20 before baby is born but i don't know how to tell my mum! i feel like i will have disappointed her as she wants me to do everything the right way and have the best life!

She knew about my miscarriage previously and was very supportive and upset about it.

Any advice on how to tell her or just general?

• Thank you

Can you ask a friend to break the news first?

i'm not sure if she appreciate that tbf, she always likes openness and honest etc..

How you tell your mum depends on whether you are happy to be pregnant. Is it pregnancy that is terrifying you, or telling your mum? Or both?

i'm scared tbh, i am happy but also not because i feel i've disappointed her during to age etc

You have the right to live your life as you choose. Could you tell her not just that you are pregnant but also your plans for your future - with the father of the baby, work etc.

tbf yeah me and the father of the baby are engaged, we have already lived together for ages but moving back into his mums for
a few months to safe for a house and he has a job and i work 45 hours as part of my apprenticeship!

You sound level-headed and responsible! Your mum is going to be grandmother to a child born to two parents who want to be together, you have an income and training role between you, somewhere to live and plans to buy your own home. Will your baby be your mum's first grandchild?

I think you have to take a deep breath and start by telling her you have some news you are really excited about and take it from there. There are lots of advantages to having children young, not least it being physically the optimum age. Congratulations from me! I hope your mum says the same😊

I'd be hurt if my daughter did that.

Thank you! That means the world to me, yes i'm my mums only child ( adoptive) so this will be her first grandchild, unfortunately we live 500 miles from each other. He opinion and thoughts about me mean the world to me more than i think she realises. All i want is her support and approval. i don't even care what anyone else thinks!

I was 37 and dreaded telling my parents due to my circumstances at the time 😅

I'm sure it'll all be OK and, maybe after the initial shock, she will be very happy and supportive.

FWIW, It was a while ago now but my mum was 20 when she had me and we are very close.

Thank you x

I got pregnant at 20, I dreaded telling my mum. Me and my bf told her together. It was fine, she was concerned (largely that we weren't married) but she got use to it and it was fine.

Thank you! all of this will a largely putting me at ease

@TeenGirl2024 I'm 50 now btw with three children. It was a big deal at the time. But a small blip now. Remember you are an adult, this is your responsibility all she need to do is love her grandchild.

Thank you!! 💗💗

Iv just turned 20 and I found out when I was 19, I’m due in May. My mom was shocked when she found out and was scared for me, but after a day or two she came round to the thought of being a nanny… we’ve never been closer now because of it x

oh my gosh! i'm so happy for you! i pray that this is my mums reaction! how far along did you tell your mum? x

Why don't you and your partner go and tell her and take a picture of your 12 week scan as a present for her. If you show her you are happy and this is what you want she'll come round even if it's not what she had planned for you in her head! If she loves you she'll love your baby!! All the best, sounds like you are in a pretty good place.

That's a good idea! Thank you! i appreciate everyone's reassurance and advice xx

Have you thought about how your future will look? Will you have a qualification by the time you go on mat leave? If not will your employer resume your training on your return? What will you do with the baby when you return? Is your partner working? Do you have a support network near you? How is your housing situation?

There are many things to worry about but if you have good plans and answers that will be a start and may alleviate some of your family's worries as of course they want the best for you.

I'm not entirely sure if they will resume i think they will but need to look into it, i know my employer will give me full mat leave which is good. My partner has lots of family near by and works shifts ( tends to be off days im working etc)

I appreciate this perspective x

Congratulations! I was 18 when I told my parents I was pregnant and 19 when I had dc. I was dreading it as that week I was accepted to university. They were fine, gave me a hug and said it would all work out. Guess what? It did. I still went to uni when dc was a few months old, moved out into my own home and carried on working part time. It was hard but doable!
My dc are now 19 and 24, if they told me they were having a baby I would be worried but support them 100%.

Thank you! that means a lot and very inspiring. how did you manage to make it all work financially??

@TeenGirl2024 I had my student loan and received maintenance grants too, I also worked 3 evenings a week. My dp was also at university and worked part time too. It was a hard couple of years but so worth it. I had planned on going away for uni but changed unis so I could commute (I was in 5 days a week). I had support from my mum and a close family friend with child minding for the first year, but my mum became 'difficult' she's at a drop of a hat day she couldn't mind dc for example as she had a bad nights sleep which left me stuck. So from my second year he went into nursery where he thrived!! Best decision we made.

That's amazing! Thank you xx