How to get family altogether without raising suspicion?

[lils20252]

Hi everyone, I’ve just found out I’m 10 weeks pregnant! At 12 weeks, I want to share the news with all our family at the same time. There’ll be about 6 from my side and 9 from DH’s side, including my brother, who’s currently living in Manchester (5 hours away). How can I get everyone together without them suspecting anything?

Well presumably if the OP or her partner had an upcoming birthday or any other significant reason for a get together/party, she wouldn’t be asking on here how she could get everyone together?

Congratulations OP!

If you’re determined to let family know in person, I think maybe just invite those local to you for brunch or lunch - then FaceTime the rest of the family after you’ve told them? Organising a huge party where everyone has to travel seems a bit much, perhaps.

I’d also be slightly cautious about huge reveals and announcements (beyond family) as early as 12 weeks.

So do I.
I'm sure that you and your dp are very excited but its not really important to others...especially someone who has to drive 5 hours to hear it

Congratulations
know this is a huge, life changing thing for you, the parents to be, but for everyone else it's just a pregnancy & dragging someone 5 hrs to tell them is way over the top.

Tell the grandparents to be face to face, they will probably be excited. A phone call or text is fine for everyone else.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! If you don’t have What’s app group with them yet - create one, maybe give it a special name and post there your baby news. If you have What’s app group already - posh there even if it’s two separate ones for different sides of the family.

Well presumably if the OP or her partner had an upcoming birthday or any other significant reason for a get together/party, she wouldn’t be asking on here how she could get everyone together?

In a room of 23 people there's a 50/50 chance of 2 people having the same birthday.

OP is inviting 14 people. Plus them is 16. Maybe one of them has a birthday or something around the right date!

Do lots of individual things, it'll be just as nice. That way the 5 hour away people can just have a face time.

Could you hire a smallish plane to trail a banner over all your lucky relations locations? Then all you'd need to do is Whatsapp "LOOK UP" to each of them at the appropriate moment in time.

My brother and his wife tried to do this, it was super out of character for them so they orchestrated it through my mum. My DH and I drove 4 hours for this family meeting, I was convinced one of my parents had cancer. It was a big anticlimax to hear his wife was 4 weeks pregnant.

It’s all a bit ott. In the grand scheme of life other than your parents it’s a bit of a non event to everyone else. Just send a family text out. It doesn’t need some big announcement to everyone all at the same time. I can imagine them rolling their eyes if you do this.

You are a main character in your immediate family’s life. It’s the whole point of being in a family.
Do the rest of the family together and go and visit your brother the next weekend?

I don't think you can expect your brother to do a 10 hour round trip just to tell him you're pregnant when you can tell him on the phone.

If you wanted to tell him in person I think you need to be the one going to him. I'd see other family separately.

Op, I don’t want to rain on your parade, but this genuinely is one of those things that is waaaay more important to you than to everyone else. Not that people wont be delighted for you, I am sure they will, but delighted enough to drive 5 hours there and 5 back? Really? When Zoom exists for just this sort of thing? Only you know if your brother would really be ok with that. I think it’s really unfair to drag people together from all over the place for this (I would not be happy if you did this to me when we could have had a Zoom call and maybe a meet up at a later date). Just something to think about.

I'm now wondering if we're about to get a MN drip feed with the big reveal that the brother is also the father, in which case tickets to Jeremy Kyle would be the traditional medium for getting everyone together.

Congratulations op but you’re surely not expecting your brother to make a ten hour round trip just for you to tell him you’re pregnant are you?

maybe just have a meal with the ones who live close or invite them round to yours and face time the ones who live far away

Your news, so you’re the one who needs to travel! If you absolutely can’t tell your brother over the phone, you drive to Manchester to tell him, surely.

I really hope no one in your planned gathering is experiencing any infertility issues…

Please don't, if both sets (or more if steps) of grandparents are localish meeting up for Sunday lunch but it's very self centred to think any one is that bothered to travel 5 hours for such news, use the phone!

If your brother is, as you said (so casually) from DH's side of the family, then perhaps nothing you can organise will surprise them to any great extent..

It's v complicated. Why not just do whatever you did last time?

Crikey. Some harsh and miserable responses on here. Congrats, @lils20252. I would probably go down the FaceTime route though. Maybe a FaceTime family quiz and announce it then?

You actually are the main character in others lives sometimes and there's nothing wrong with that
No, you really aren’t

Honestly you need to divide and conquer.

Both you and your family do not need to be told at the same time. Nor do all your family need to be told together.

My brother is useless but I still would not expect him to travel five hours for a pregnancy announcement.

You being pregnant is a massive thing to you. Maybe you should consider doing the traveling to make the announcements to your love ones.

So you're suggesting that OP hold a party for someone's birthday and then hijack it for her own purposes? If I was the birthday person (presumably initially touched by what seemed a generous gesture) I'd be furious at being used that way.

A gathering of 15 is a party.

It's lovely news, but not something to throw a party for.

Always baffled by the amount of people on threads like this that insist nobody cares about any pregnancy that isn’t their own. Expecting enthusiasm from grandparents and aunts and uncles isn’t unrealistic imo.

I see why you’d want to get everyone together but unless there’s an existing reason like a birthday or something I don’t think you can pull it off especially with your brother so far away. I think you’re best to do it in smaller groups or FaceTime or whatever is most natural and practical for both of your families.