Another baby at 33 - too old?

[SophiaRose91]

Hi everyone, im 33 and i have an 11 yr old son. His dad and I split 7 yrs ago so ive been a single mum co-parenting since then. Im aware that if i wanted another baby, i would need to do this asap (ideally via sperm donation as i do not want a man involved). Is 33 too old for another baby? Am i being selfish? Is there a high risk of special needs at my age? X

Your son will be 12 or 13 when a new baby comes - they're unlikely to have the same sort of sibling relationship as kids who grow up together. Plenty of adults don't get on with their siblings. I wouldn't do it for your son.

Not too old but very selfish on your older son.
Surely he will want his mum around to help him pick his GCSE options, navigate adolescence and do more grown up things, not pushing a pram and changing nappies.

@Anxioustealady yes 31 is average which means there are a lot of people older as well as younger having their first.

https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/2022/06/02/average-age-of-first-time-mothers-rises-to-almost-32-years-cso/

Have a baby if you want one. But don't do it to give your son a sibling. That age gap is too big for them to have much of a sibling relationship. When your son is 18, the youngest will barely have started primary school. Even things like holidays will be awkward because they'll be at different life stages which will make it nearly impossible to find something that suits them both.

Average for first time mums is 31, so if course you are big too old. They no longer use the term 'geriatric pregnancy' - I had mine at 41 and 43 20 years ago and no one mentioned my age other than to do a bucal fold measurement.
But you seem to be suggesting you want a baby without a partner? I'd be more wary of that - how do you plan on supporting your family?

Risks of genetic disorders increase with age. For example at 30, the risk of downs syndrome is 1 in 800 (double the risk for a 20 year old). At 35 it's 1 in 270. I had mine at 33 and 36 and it was something I really considered. You are right to think about the risks.

I was concerned about this, but screening is available to assess risk. I'm currently 37 and 16w pregnant via IVF after 3 years TTC. My combined screening put me at the lowest possible risk of Down's, Edward's and Patau's. Besides, at 33 the OP is still a spring chicken! In western societies like the UK the average woman is 32 before having her first child.

There will be quite an age gap and no guarantee that they will get on so don’t have another baby just to be company for DS. instead give home a good life and encourage him to make and hold into friends.

This can't really be serious? Since the average age of a first time mother is now 32 in the UK, I'd say it's definitely not a high risk. I had my first at 31, and I'll be having my 2nd at 34 (currently expecting). I'm one of the younger mothers in the Mumsnet thread and WhatsApp group! It's hardly unusual for you to be having a child at 33.

You are either joking or indeed way too old because your question wouldn’t be out of place at the onset of the Industrial Revolution.

Yes 😂 got pregnant at 31, will be having first baby at 32. Hardly anyone on my side my age has kids yet and my best friend was so shocked she asked if it was planned 😂

DS was 12 when DD was born. I was 35. They are full siblings and DH and I are still together 18 years later.
I don't understand your problem.

Had my first at 35, and am now expecting #2 at 37. Neither were difficult to conceive, in fact #2 happened on our first attempt which was a bit of a shock! DD is perfectly healthy, and #2 has come back as low risk for all screenings including a private NIPT so whilst it’s true the risks increase post-35, everyone I’ve ever spoken to medically has been quick to reassure it’s not the steep drop off women are led to believe.

Not sure where that stat is from. Average age for first time mother in uk is between 29.2 and 29.6.

In 2021, the average age of mothers who gave birth in England and Wales increased to 30.9 years. This is ALL mothers giving birth so includes first time, second, third time etc

@Nc546888 I read it here; the article published this year:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/02/01/most-british-women-wait-until-32-to-have-first-child/#:~:text=for%20National%20Statistics-,01%20February%202024%204:42pm%20GMT,1980

Well the thread title gave me a laugh. Presumed it was a typo.

But maybe I’m a dinosaur, as I had my first at 33 and am expecting my third now, who will hopefully arrive just after I turn 38.

I’d say the big age gap, plan to use donor sperm and the fact that you don’t have a partner are all bigger potential challenges than your age (unless you have buckets of money and support).

Although I agree in that you shouldn’t have a baby purely for your other child as there are no guarantees they will get along, I also wanted to put in my personal perspective and experience. I was an only child until I was 15 when my sister was born. I am now 35 and we have a brilliant relationship despite the age gap. I love her to pieces and although it was probably more of a parent/ child looking after relationship when she was younger it’s evolved into more of a sisterly relationship now she’s older.
I am also 35 and (hopefully) expecting my first child but I have had a few miscarriages along the way - whether that’s age or bad luck, who knows. Only a handful of my friends have (very young) children so I wouldn’t say 33 is too old at all.

Also important to note there is still a risk of having a baby with one of these disorders at ANY age .

I had my first day's after my 33rd birthday and I'm having my second now at 36. I definitely didn't feel old at 33 and don't feel too old now either

Of course it’s not too old!

I realise I’m replying to an ancient comment here, but just feel the need to pick it up - I’m sure OP is competent enough to be around to help DS1 navigate secondary school life as well as look after a potential DC2. Going it alone from the word go will make things trickier and OP might need to ensure she has more of a support network, but it always beggars belief what some posters think is or isn’t possible, or they go from the starting point of thinking, “God, no, I couldn’t do X, Y and Z” and assume that everyone else the same. C.f. potentially having a child with a learning disability or a third child past 40…those debates also often proceed in a similar vein…

I’m 32 just having my first! If you were late 40s I’d question your age but these days people have babies later

Definitely not too old.

But do think long and hard about it before you do it. I say this as someone who was a solo parent for a while (not by choice). It's very different to co-parenting. In some ways it's easier, in other ways it's a lot harder. I only survived because my parents live nearby and helped out. I honestly don't know how I would have managed without them. You definitely need a good support network if you do it alone, people who will actually step up and help, not just those who say they will.

No, this isn't too old