Another baby at 33 - too old?

[SophiaRose91]

Hi everyone, im 33 and i have an 11 yr old son. His dad and I split 7 yrs ago so ive been a single mum co-parenting since then. Im aware that if i wanted another baby, i would need to do this asap (ideally via sperm donation as i do not want a man involved). Is 33 too old for another baby? Am i being selfish? Is there a high risk of special needs at my age? X

I had my third at 36 earlier this year and don't feel too old. It does start to get a harder to conceive and the risks start to get higher, but it's not an on/off switch, it's gradual... (in my case conception was relatively easy and quite quick, only took a couple of cycles, although one of those cycles was a chemical pregnancy).

Are you for real? That’s a pretty insulting naive post to many who have their first kids in their early/mid thirties and to those who can’t and have them later.

Crack a book.

I'm trying for my first at 38!

I do feel too old, but at 33 I'd be very relaxed

I hardly know anyone who had their first babies under 30. 33 is nowhere near old.

@Resilienceisimportant im sorry i didnt mean to offend anyone, i was just after some opinions and experienced views from others. Thats why I posted it on MN as i thought thats what it was for. Im sorry if i hurt anyone x

It's not too old but I think if you are 33 and single and your focus is on having another baby, you run the risk of bringing another man into your existing child's life and becoming a single mother to two half siblings with a large age gap if it doesn't work out.

Your biological clock is ticking which means you're vulnerable to having a baby with the first man who comes along who seems up for it, which is pretty risky, especially when you already have a child to consider.

Not too old at all! I had my first at 31, planning the next one at 33. It's never easy whatever age

I didn't have my first til 35 and second at 38 and I'm not an old mum at the school gates

I had my first at 32 and trying for my second now at 34.... I didn't think that was too old?

DP was 34 when we had DS. By the time we realised we wanted another we were both a bit too old.

At 33 I'd say go for it and enjoy a second round.

I had my first at 33 🙈 I've had a second since I'd say you'll be fine

Please don't have another child to provide your first child with support when he's older. A lot of siblings don't get on at all and a teenage child is going to have nothing in common with an annoying and demanding 2 or 3 year old. My sibling is the last person I'd look to for any kind of emotional support or if I was lonely - even if he didn't live 150 miles away from me.

I also think it could very hard for your youngest seeing his brother go off every week to his dad - when he doesn't have a dad to visit. I think it would be really selfish to have another child, just concentrate on the one you've got. I wish I'd been an only child.

I didn't even start trying until my late (very late) 30s. Not sure why you think you're too old. Many people are first-time parents about your age.
Go for it.

I had my DD at 33 perfect age. Good luck with your journey.

How would this work, Op? IVF? Can you afford the cost? Financially it’s steep, tens of thousands of pounds, plus the physical costs (and risks), and emotional costs. The financial and physical costs will then impact your current child. Can you afford to support a second child? Nursery, after school clubs etc? What about support for things like university? Can you afford two lots of that? Bigger housing too, unless you are already somewhere big enough? Will your then teenage child get all their emotional needs met if you are taken up with a baby or toddler? Do you have close
family members who could provide them with that emotional support? Don’t assume the two children will like each other, support each other, or have anything in common. I have several friends with big age gaps between siblings, and as adults they don’t really have anything to do with one another. If anything, the older ones still have a lot of pent up resentment towards the younger ones, and their parents (one described feeling like they weren’t ’good enough’ and so their parents decided to try again when he was a bout 12, to see if they got a better child that time around).
If you think you can do it well, without negatively impacting your current child, sure, why not. But think long and hard about the possible ramifications.

33 too old ridiculous! Where I live 31 is the average age for a first child.

I'd be cautious of risking parentifying your son. He'll be the main person there when you need someone to watch the baby so you can go to the loo, shower, cook... it's not fair on a teenage boy to have to look after a baby so much

Yes, my friend was definitely silly not to have a baby with the man who had a substance abuse problem, or the one who refused to commit to her, rather than waiting until she was in her 40s in a healthy relationship.

It would have been too old for me because I had mine at 23 and 26 and wouldn’t have wanted to go back to the baby stage.
For others, absolutely no problem - if you can fall pregnant and carry a baby to a healthy birth you aren’t too old.

From the statistics I've seen of female fertility rates and ages, it is actually like a steep cliff edge after around 35. I think women are being fooled into thinking they can have babies at any point they fancy it, have your 20 year career and you can just pop one out at 45 when you're all perfectly sorted, when actually our bodies say otherwise and it isn't always possible. This doesn't mean there aren't surprise babies, healthy babies, or surrogate babies born past 35, but it certainly becomes harder to concieve and risks of birth defects or genetic issues increases. It also takes more of a toll on your body the older you are. IVF is an option of course but surely isn't ideal as it causes stress to the parents trying to concieve.

33 isn't too old though OP. The sperm donor single motherhood whilst raising a teenager is much more of an issue.

No.

No.

No.

I mean, I had my son at 39. Him and I are both fine. So it’s entirely possible !

it’s also just different for everyone - some will struggle to conceive at 30, others will conceive at 40 no problem .

And if you look back in time ( before reliable contraception) you’ll see many many women popping one out every year or so until menopause.
How else do you think these families with 10 + children exist if early 30s is too old to have another.
My great grandmother had my nan’s younger sister at 44 - having babies later isn’t new it’s nature.

Not at all. I was just shy of my 33rd birthday when I had my first and then 36 when I had my second. Both are absolutely ace - apart form the usual tween/teen antics!

Thanks for saying this. I'm 30 and trying for my first (always wanted to be a mom but had a chaotic childhood so wanted a happy relationship/marriage, house, ok job first) and reading this thread title stressed me out!