Terrified of birth

[LilyJane95]

Hi all, I’m just looking for some advice from mums who have given birth before.

I’m currently 20+3 with my first baby. I’ve wanted children all my life and my husband and I are so excited to welcome our daughter in April.

The problem is, I’m already having sleepless nights worrying about labour. I have a low pain threshold and I’m very squeamish so it’s not a great combo! I’ve also never had hospital treatment for anything, so even being in that environment is going to feel very alien to me.

I was hoping to hear some positive experiences or if anyone has any helpful resources like books they read beforehand? I want to be as prepared as possible, but at the moment I’m hearing a lot of negative experiences and a lot of the mums in my life are quick to tell me how awful the whole experience was.

I know not many people actually look forward to labour, but if I could get to a place of not being fearful, that would be great.

Hi there, Ina May Gaskin's book "the guide to childbirth" is fabulous. Very positive and uplifting, a little hippy ish but I found it inspiring.

I was the same OP. A few good online courses to help you feel more positive about the birth

www.lucyflow.com/hypnobirthing-complete-birth-prep-programme

thepositivebirthcompany.com/digital-pack?srsltid=AfmBOopqejoYJ6ccyN4C0BWAu_DSMHOvMHBZwXMTJAluiul842y7Jgwz

Though in the end I went for an epidural and was v happy I did so! Felt much more comfortable.

Hypnobirthing is amazing for giving you tools to stay calm and feel some control in the situation. Definitely recommend doing some classes!

Like @tulipsunday an epidural is MAGIC! I hadn't planned on one but wow, I just felt like my normal self once it was in, my son was back to back and I wasn't getting a break in between contractions. I would highly recommend one to anyone.

I second the Positive Birth Company. They have some really good free resources and YouTube videos.

The focus is on keeping yourself calm, breathing techniques etc. If you can manage that it makes everything else easier so I would look at some hypnobirthing videos and positive birth stories on YouTube.

With my first, I was in a complete panic and it made things worse. With my second I wanted to do things differently so did the above and felt so much more empowered.

At the end of the day, even after my first experience I wanted another child and did it all over again. It is a short time in the grand scheme of things and then you have your baby and it's all worth it.

Your NHS trust might provide some free antenatal classes, ours did and I found that good as they talk you through all the stages of labour so you understand the process.

You can also speak to your midwife about the pain relief - you can opt for an epidural asap on arrival to the labour unit. If you know you're going to want one, don't wait because it can be a little wait to get an anaesthesiologist apparently.

My first labour was very text book. Contractions started (very mild initially, hardly noticeable), lost my mucus plug, waters broke and off we trotted to hospital. DD was born shortly after.

I wasn't anxious about the birth at all which is strange for me because I am a bit of a control freak generally in life, but I feel like I just gave in to the idea of it. I trusted that my body was built to be able to do it. I knew I didn't really have much control over what was going to happen so there wasn't much I could do except prepare (packed things like TENs machine, a fan etc in my labour bag).

I ended up just using my TENs machine (wasn't allowed gas and air) and it bloody hurt so I won't lie to you about that BUT I knew I wasn't going to have an epidural before going in, so it will be different for you if you opt for that.

Good luck!

I have low pain threshold with period pain etc! But birth is wierd, you go into some sort of primal mode! I don’t actually remember the pain and I just used gas and air. An epidural will completely ease the pain- but sometimes can lead to a cascade of interventions. Trust in your body, and be wary of the medical professionals who will have your best interests at heart- but also get worried very easily and don’t seem to trust that a women will know how to give birth. I’ve had friends who have been forced into inductions and end up with c sections and forceps because their body wasn’t ready (induced two weeks early). I myself had induction but I was two weeks late and felt like it was the right thing to do. Your mindset will help sooo much - tell yourself you are designed for this , trust in yourself and go with the flow. Also get a water bottle with a sucky straw because it’s so much easier!

My SIL is a wuss. A massive wuss. When she got pregnant, we were all worried about her going into labour. Pain makes her panic.

She was about 38/39 weeks pregnant and we were out shopping and stuff with my 2, roughly this time last year actually. She went to the loo and come back and said she has some bleeding. Needless to say, we went to the hospital.

She told them that she feels like she has needed to fart "on and off" and can't, but otherwise feels fine. Baby's been active etc etc.

She was 8cm dilated and in labour. She had baby about 3 or 4 hours later with just gas and air. She said she always had painful wind during pregnancy and frankly, that had been more painful at times than the labour.

I didn’t see any point in being in pain so opted for an early epidural. It was brilliant - got plenty of sleep and watched Wimbledon!

Tell your midwife all your concerns.. it’s very common to feel the way you do! And so understandable.

for me, the classes, reading, education was SO important.
do them early enough that you can make decisions on how you want it to go. (But be flexible)
Hypnobirthing is great, try and look into aromatherapy and stuff too as if you’re in midwife led care you can use ur own music, scents etc.

there’s great pain relief options, don’t be afraid to use them - for me, the water is my haven so I have opted for a water birth again this time (didn’t quite work out last time)

and be fluid, labour is unpredictable, they will do everything they can to keep you and baby safe - and remember your body, as a woman, is truly magnificent and made to do this!

I felt exactly the same as you, terrified of birth!
I opted for an epidural & it was amazing, I didn't feel a thing.
I was induced, had an episiotomy & forcep delivery. The recovery was more painful than the birth but all healed up okay in the end.

For every horror story you’ve heard, there are plenty of positive ones that just don’t get talked about.

Both of my labours and births have been wonderful. Spontaneous, painful at times but nothing TENS, birthing pool or gas and air didn’t help. I went in really open minded about them and they were lovely and empowering experiences. I feel so fortunate to experience it.

If you go in with the mindset of being terrified, you’re in danger of it being a self fulfilling prophecy. Do some hypnobirthing (also recommend PBC), approach the whole thing with an open mind and consider an epidural (there are pros and cons so make sure you understand these).

Honestly, millions of women have given birth before. You’ll be fine.

Hello op! Bless your heart I felt exactly like this when pregnant with my first I was terrified! I know it's different for everyone but honestly for me it was no way near as bad as I anticipated. I had a super fast 1.5 hour Labor, and went on to have two more babies! I am honestly the biggest baby and never even had a tattoo or anything before having kids 🤣 once your beautiful baby is in your arms, I can't even explain the feeling you will feel like super woman and so so so in love! Remember women do this every day it's the most natural thing in the world, don't be afraid to have pain relief if you need it! Good luck you've got this xx

Two children, no pain relief, two sisters with the same experience and don't actually know anyone in five decades who has experienced a traumatic birth!

Of course there are some women who do but it's the exception not the rule.

We were designed to procreate and if it was that bad we would have died out by now!

You could consider an elective c section. I had one and it was fantastic! I was terrified of birth too and it removed all the fear and I felt in control. It's not for everyone but i have a really easy recovery so it worked out v well for me.

When the time comes it is actually quite exciting, no one seems to talk about this. Just think .. by tomorrow I’ll have my baby!

Also, if it was that bad there would only be one child families!

I enjoyed How to give birth like a feminist as a book. Click baiting title but made me feel really empowered. I also have zero pain tolerance, never been in hospital and injections made me cry (self-confessed wuss).

Had a water birth with just G&A for a back to back 8lb10 baby and I am actively looking forward to giving birth again.

Its so important to hear all stories, the good and the bad to be prepared, to know your options and to feel in control. For me a huge thing is a birthing partner who you trust totally and can advocate for you.

I feel for ages women were discouraged about talking about bad experiences so were silenced and suffered alone. Im so glad people are free to express that it can be a difficult and traumatic experience so we can be prepared and fight back.

However, does mean good experiences are sometimes dismissed. Ive been called a liar to my face when I said my personal birth experience was great and positive. Loath pregnancy but if it was just the birth bit, Id have a von trapp family.

'However, does mean good experiences are sometimes dismissed. Ive been called a liar to my face when I said my personal birth experience was great and positive. Loath pregnancy but if it was just the birth bit, Id have a von trapp family.'

I agree with this.

Women are more likely to share horror stories than straightforward no problem labours.

I hated being pregnant, I felt dreadful but both my labours were wonderful, a great exhilarating experience.

If you're worried about the pain then you can plan for an epidural. I hadn't wanted one but my labour went on much longer than I had thought and eventually the doctors wanted to put me on a hormone drip which can make things very fast and intense so they recommended an epidural. It was very effective and I didn't have any pain after it went in. You really don't have to suffer through it if you know that's something you would rather avoid. You'll have to get to a certain stage before you're in "active" labour and they're willing to do it but I suspect you'll find those early contractions more manageable than you think, especially if you know you will have pain relief coming. Definitely go to antenatal classes if you can to find out more about birth and ask your midwife any questions you have.

The fear of the unknown, I was a bit nervous with my first but was totally fine, 2 hour labour with episiotomy and forceps but healed fine and pain was minimal although I did give the gas and air a hammering 😂😂😂

Also in general even though my labour was quite long and gruelling it was a positive experience, the midwives were amazing and made me feel well looked after, gas and air worked great for me for a good while and the epidural was very effective. And as soon as the baby arrived I forgot all about the labour because it was over and I was so happy he was here!

Second reocmmendations for Positive Birth Company! Knowledge is power, and I felt so empowered after the course.

Birthed my DD largely at home without pain relief, and managed with just gas and air at hospital. I had a small tear but didn't even feel it in the heat of the moment.

No doubt, there are some women who have difficult experiences, but for the very vast majority labour is straight-forward and without complications. It's amazing how you will just find the strength to cope with it, and then mostly forget all about it :-)

Best advice - trust your body. You can do this, and you'll get the very best reward at the end of it!

My mum had 3 inductions which all led to vaginal delivery. No pain medication with any of them (everyone says induced labour hurts way more too!) she's honestly the worst with pain, she couldn't sit through a small tattoo on her wrist she kept wanting a break and was on the verge of tears!

She says labour and birthing a child is just like something different. Not a pain you can imagine or plan how you'll feel until you're there. She felt in control and found it relatively 'easy' despite having a low pain threshold. She laboured for 3 days with one of us which is my worst nightmare but she got through it! I'm 26+4 with my first and feel very scared too but everyone's birth experience is SO different there's nothing to compare too or tell you how it may go for you until your the one there in labour. Ultimately, people get through it and go home with a healthy baby and forget all about the pain when it's done. Temporary pain for long term gain! I was thinking I wanted a c section as I was scared of labour pain but my mums first was a planned c section as he was breach and she said it was the worst birth out of everyone of us pain wise so that put me off enough!

You will be in the best hands, there's pain meds available, there's plenty of tips and tricks to help you get through and you'll meet your amazing little girl at the end that you'd been dreaming of meeting for 40 weeks! Seeing her gorgeous little features, finally dressing her in all the cute clothes we buy, soaking in all the newborn cuddles. It will be AMAZING. And you've got this! Xx

I would second the epidural suggestion. I didn't use it with mine (stupidly) as I thought I had a high pain tolerance (years of painful periods, never asked for any pain relief at the dentist, etc).

Well, nothing came even close to the labour pain I experienced and it was a hell on earth for well over 20 hours for me.

So yeah, go for the epidural.

My DD was 3 weeks early. I had one contraction on the way to hospital and was already 8cms dilated so not much time for any medical intervention apart from gas and air. I found the pain interesting as I'd have a contraction but when it was over there was no residual feeling - it was as though it never happened so there was time to recover between contractions. I also "went with it" in that I knew it was going to happen, I couldn't stop the process so I went with the flow. Five hours later the love and bane of my life was born covered in hair and lanolin. My delightful mother was convinced she wasn't my first as the process had been so straight forward

This is my 3rd pregnancy and unlike the other 2 labours I am actually looking forward to giving birth! I know it may sound strange. When I had my second I was absolutely terrified and it didn’t help my mind set. This time around and I have done so much research on hypnobirthing and I feel so much more prepared and ready for it.
it is amazing what you and your body can do if you can train your mind. I would really recommend looking into it.
even some Instagram pages are so helpful for hypnobirthing!