Terrified of birth

[LilyJane95]

Hi all, I’m just looking for some advice from mums who have given birth before.

I’m currently 20+3 with my first baby. I’ve wanted children all my life and my husband and I are so excited to welcome our daughter in April.

The problem is, I’m already having sleepless nights worrying about labour. I have a low pain threshold and I’m very squeamish so it’s not a great combo! I’ve also never had hospital treatment for anything, so even being in that environment is going to feel very alien to me.

I was hoping to hear some positive experiences or if anyone has any helpful resources like books they read beforehand? I want to be as prepared as possible, but at the moment I’m hearing a lot of negative experiences and a lot of the mums in my life are quick to tell me how awful the whole experience was.

I know not many people actually look forward to labour, but if I could get to a place of not being fearful, that would be great.

I'm looking forward to my third too. Did second on just gas and air so I know I can do it

Get epidural if you need it x

The Positive Birth Book!
By Milli Hill

I was absolutely terrified, so much so that I was having panic attacks and nightmares from about 25 weeks. Milli Hill's book make it about a million times worse, as did Ina May Gaskin. Milli Hill gave me a panic attack so bad that I vomited and almost passed out

I ended up having an ELCS for DS and opted for one again with DD. No regrets, I LOVED both my c-sections. Absolutely no way I'd be able to cope with a vaginal birth, so they were the best option for me.

Thank you so much for all the advice. I’ve just read through every response and it has already made me feel so much better about it.

I’ve made a list of all your recommendations. I’ve never heard of hypnobirthing so I’m definitely going to look into that!

Thanks again everyone 😊

Honestly, you will be amazed what your body can do. No woman would have more than one child if the end result wasn't so very, very worth it :-)

Honestly, speaking as someone who's done it 3 times and about to do it for a 4th (and final time) by the end of your pregnancy you will be so uncomfortable and fed up that you'll forget all your fears and just feel glad it's nearly over 😅

I was the same with my 1st but then I went overdue, and then they induced me at 41 weeks and the first attempt failed, honestly I was so fed up I didn't care what pain was to come 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I think people are so quick to share less positive birth stories and those who have good experiences less so as maybe they don't want to sound smug? Just a thought, anyway, my first was a positive experience, I was lucky to get on the birthing unit, it was calm and I was happy hugging a giant bean bag with a fan to keep me cool, yes it hurt, but I used hypnobirthing to keep calm and it was a fairly quick labour.

Second I was induced, and I do wish I'd opted for the epidural, because hypnobirthing was less helpful this time and I felt less in control as the syntocin drip caused back to back contractions. Labour again was quite quick, but I wouldn't repeat an induction without an epidural, although there are people on here that have had very positive inductions. Just remember that It's ok to have pain relief and it's ok to not stick to a birth plan

So sorry you feel like you do. Definitely worth speaking to your midwife. Before my first, my midwife spoke me through spontaneous labour and how it would unfold. She was so lovely and I left the appointment feeling confident and that I would enjoy the experience when the time came so I put it out my mind for the rest of my pregnancy.

Unfortunately my birth didn't go as planned and ended in emergency C-section following some complications. Throughout the entire process everyone was so calm and reassuring I was supported through everything. Whatever happens, you'll get through it and at the end you'll have a gorgeous baby to take home. It's true what so many people say, as soon as it's over the pain just disappears and is quickly forgotten.

Labour is hard work, but you can do it. Women's bodies are amazing.

When you're labouring, you are in a bit of an altered state. Hormones are swirling about and it's an enormous amount different from the inside than it looks from the outside if that makes sense? I also did hypnobirthing and that perhaps had an effect - I was very intensely focussed during contractions but that was okay.

And also - you can never tell how it's going to go. Every birth is different. So be prepared to be flexible and for things to change or be different than you'd imagined.

Also, a doula is a great idea - she can advocate for you, remain calm, and generally knows a lot about birth.

100% true and this is exactly what I say in my preparation for childbirth classes

I'm the same as you, low pain threshold usually. Did hypnobirthing with Positive Birth Company and have two children.

First birth was induced with forceps but I managed to get her out vaginally while completely prepped for CS. I kept telling them I needed to push!

Second birth I really wanted to experience natural labour. I got through it with no pain relief, no gas and air, loads of water and breathing exercises. Totally fine and chatting with midwives throughout. Seven minutes of pushing and he's out.

I loved my births. Would do them again in a heartbeat. They are the first step to meeting your child and your body knows what to do. It's an amazing experience. Enjoy it.

1 with an epidural and 1 without (I was stubborn, left it too late and then it failed). The one with was zen AF. If I have another I'd do that. You'll be great. 💪

Had an epidural, couldn't feel a thing after that👌 I'm not going to say it was a pleasant experience but once that epidural went in, 100% pain free

I had an induction at 38 weeks. I asked for additional pain relief but was too far along. I had textbook contractions in that they would build, reach a peak, filter off and have a small break between them. I slept between my contractions as I went from 8cm to 10cm, woke up had gas and air to get me through the contraction and then went back to sleep.

I found the breathing exercises really useful, although I didn’t practice my pushing breathing as much as I should have done. I find myself using the contraction breathing now when something hurts.

Childbirth was really interesting to me. I had a contraction and instantly knew it was a contraction, even though I’d never had one before. I was amazed that my body just seemed to know what it was doing (and felt confident that if it didn’t there was a medical team to support me) and I could feel the contractions starting at the top of my uterus at the start of labour and then working their way down as labour progressed. I felt the baby being pushed down. DH told me when the head was out, thinking he was being helpful, and I replied with “I fucking know” because I could just feel what stage we were at.

You can have pain relief and it’s better to ask for it earlier. If, however, you are too far along to get pain relief then they think you’ve already done a lot of the hard bit and they have faith in you and if that’s the case, you’ll cope. As for the squeamish side, I didn’t have a water birth so don’t know if that would be different but I didn’t see anything. The midwives are so quick and discreet they whip away anything that you don’t want to see. I think DH got a few eyefuls of stuff to turn his hair white but I saw nothing.

I was like this too. When I went into labour with my first, I shook with fear for hours. But it was fine (I had a pethidine shot for pain relief). It was only 8.5 hours and the time passes very quickly (unless you're in it for days or a lot of pain).

My next two were pretty fast. No pain relief.

I was terrified again with twins, but that was short (4 hrs) and intervention-free and I managed without pain relief (but I didn't exactly want to 😂).

So, it's a bit of a lottery how you'll fare but many labours are entirely manageable (oh and I'm very squeamish too and have a mega needle phobia. I had to have a cannula for the twins which was the worst bit of all five births).

My best advice is to stay relaxed and open-minded about everything that might happen and, as soon as you go into labour, rest, sleep and eat in the initial stages to build up and maintain energy reserves for the more intense stages and birth.

And don't forget, no matter how it pans out, labour is a truly AMAZING process. You will really feel the incredible unstoppable, overwhelming power of your body. 😀

The thing with pain is that it usually means something is wrong. Kidney stones, pancreatitis, broken leg etc....But birth is totally different, the pain is there so that in caveman days you knew to retreat to a safe space to have your baby. It progresses gradually giving your body time to cope with it. And just when it gets really bad, it's over. I've had four great births and am actually a bit sad I won't be doing it again. Read all you can, educate yourself and stay positive, you'll undoubtedly surprise yourself with how well you can cope.

Lot's of great advice here. I would also speak to your midwife. I really struggle dealing with blood, needles, medical procedures. My midwife referred me to the confidence around birth clinic and it's really helped me. I have a specialist midwife i can speak to and she has lots more time to talk through all the options in detail and give me ways to cope. My first appointment with her was 1 and half hours! If your area has this definitely ask to be referred there.

I was terrified too OP so decided to have sections, still the best decisions I've ever made. It took all the worry out for me and I could enjoy the pregnancies. And I don't have any ongoing issues

I recommend the modern midwife’s guide as an excellent factual and non judgemental book

contrary to most of the posters
I wouldn’t recommend the positive birth company online stuff.

i didn’t found it useful. It doesn’t say it explicitly but there was a subtext that doing it without pain meds etc is somehow more of a “birth experience”

You can have a preference but plans are there to change. Having done both with lots of medical assistance and drugs and with not even gas’s and air or paracetamol. Sometimes births are just easier for no real reason. Take what pain meds you want or need before you are desperate without guilt