Sterilisation experience and waiting times

[Bananatools]

Hi
Sorry if this is the wrong area to post, I wasn't sure where to post
I've come to the conclusion I'm not going to have children. Long story short I have a condition which means it'll be harder to look after a child physically if I wait much longer.
I'm 33 and decided a long time ago if I haven't got children before 35 then I'm not having them. I have been in a relationship for the last couple of years and finally asked a few weeks ago if he would consider living together at some point in the future. We both own separate homes, so it would be something we would have to plan and decide where we would ultimately live, whether that was one of our existing homes or a separate one we would buy together. Obviously this could take 12 months easily to sort with any selling or buying so it wasn't like I was expecting him to move in next week or something. He basically replied with, I would, but I've fixed my mortgage and that doesn't expire for another 3 years so I can't.
I mean he is well aware you can pay for early redemption of a mortgage, we'd actually be able to afford a house mortgage free between us. Whatever, either way, he didn't exactly sound overjoyed at the idea and I've dropped the conversation
It led me to thinking about my original timeline, even if this relationship ended and I found someone else who would be happy to live with me and have children that's not really gonna happen before 35.
I'm happy to stick to my deadline and tbh I'm sick of taking hormonal contraception if I don't need to and wouldn't mind having the permanent fix of sterilisation. Do they do this for women who haven't had children on the NHS, how long are waiting times, what is the recovery like?

Hi OP, I can't answer your queries about sterilisation but I just wanted to give my advice which is to be cautious about something so final when you don't have any children already as life can change in an instant.

I never ever wanted kids, full stop. I was in a relationship/marriage from aged 22 with someone older who already had 2 children of his own and we both agreed not to have any together. He had a vasectomy but if not, I would absolutely have considered sterilisation. My decision was absolutely made up and I never swayed from that throughout my 20's or first half of my 30's.

Anyway, fastforward a bit and we ended up splitting up after 14 years together when I was 36. I met someone else about 6 months later and completely unexpectedly fell pregnant within 2 months of being in the new relationship. It absolutely turned my life upside down but we decided to keep the baby.

I ended up having DD1 at 37 years old, we ended up getting married after covid and now I'm 41 and expecting DD2. No regrets whatsoever, my family is my life and I absolutely love being a mum. My whole outlook on everything has changed and I'm so pleased I didn't make such a final decision like getting sterilised when I was younger.

If you'd told me at 33 that this is what the next 8 years would have in store for me I'd have laughed in your face and bet everything I had against it but life has a very weird way of working out exactly the way it's supposed to.

Obviously this is only my personal experience and you have to make the decision for yourself but maybe some food for thought?

I heard recently that it’s usually only offered in medical reasons to women under 40 nowadays as they are very keen for people not to regret the decision.

If not for medical reasons then you’re more likely to convince medics to carry out the procedure if you’re 40ish (and have had the children you want).

I asked recently as I would be on my third c section (usually max amount for risk levels) and they said they usually prefer your partner to have a vasectomy

@sel2223 thank you
I think if I didn't have the medical condition that I have, I wouldn't be so strict on the timings. I think the problem for me is post 35 you are more likely to have a child with disabilities. It's obviously not impossible to have a child with disabilities at my age now, but I wouldn't want to increase the risk on top of knowing the older I get the more I would struggle physically with my own condition. I would be struggling over 40 years old with my condition trying to run around after a toddler even if they arrived and were perfectly healthy.
I wouldn't consider asking him to have a vasectomy because at the end of the day it's his fertility and his choice. But I think sterilisation would bring me some comfort in closing that chapter, the fact that I've done what I could to find a partner and have a family, but at the end of the day I need to take other things into account when making the decision for myself and potential child.

Would your medical condition be considered dangerous for the baby?

would you consider a LARC eg arm implant or coil?

otherwise if you really are certain you 100% want steralisatiin it could be worth making a gp appointment to discuss further and see if they will refer you

@Nc546888 not dangerous to the baby but I would struggle lifting the baby, running after them etc more as the years go on. Obviously everyone declined physically as they age but mine will be faster than most. I would have to come off my medication for a while before conceiving and during pregnancy etc. I would also probably have a fair bit of recovery time post birth. So it wouldn't be a decision I took lightly.
I don't want an implant which I'm pretty sure is hormonal again and I have heard of coil failures, I would rather a permanent solution of sterilisation

From what I’ve heard they would be hesitant to give you sterilisation.

you can get non hormonal coil and the success rate is really high at over 99%

That's disappointing if true, I suppose I could save up to get it done privately if needed

Huge sexism and medical paternalism in play when it comes to women’s contraceptive choices. The medical profession were by and large fine and dandy until relatively recently cutting the breasts off and sterilising healthy women who say they are men, but God forbid a women of mature years should decide that she definitely doesn’t want children and finds the other contraceptive options unattractive.

Female sterilisation has a 1 in 200 failure rate.
An implant/depo injection/coil is much less likely to fail

Yes I hear you re implants etc. But that requires a massive leap of faith in the manufacturers of materials that are implanted in the body and the willingness and ability of the medical profession to remove them when requested by a patient with capacity. The mesh scandal and the many anecdotes about doctors refusing to remove implants and coils suggest that there is ground for concern.

The implant and depo injections are both hormonal contraceptives. I don't want to be receiving hormones for the next 20 years of my life if I don't need to. Also I was on the depo years ago and used to struggle to get doctors appointments in time. I don't want to go through that again. Nor do I want the coil. I don't want anything reversible. This is why I would like sterilisation.

I'm 63. Never wanted children. Was sterilised when I was around 30. No issues at all. Recovery time exceptionally quick. Best decision of my life. NHS waiting time a few months at the most then

That's obviously your personal choice but I don't think you will get a dr to go ahead with a female sterilisation for the reasons you have given.
I'm a GP and do some work in a family planning clinic so whilst I don't do the procedure I have a fair idea

Not true

I think it very, very unlikely the NHS will do it for you, unless a pregnancy would endanger your life. Female sterilisation is an all-around loser as a strategy for contraception: it's invasive and consequently risky, it has high rates of postoperative regret, and it's less effective than some LARCs. You seem to be assuming it's foolproof; it's not. Its failure rate is 0.5% which is about equivalent to an IUD and less than an IUS like the Morena.

I am not saying it is fool proof. No contraception is. But it has a good success rate and doesn't need repeating if successful. It would be my preferred method of contraception. If the success rate was 50% then I might be deterred but 99%+ is pretty much in line with all contraception

Would you refer a patient for a doctor that specialises in this area and leave them to decide whether to go ahead with the procedure or would you refuse outright?

And I do understand that. But see it from the physician's perspective. All the women who had sterilisation and subsequently regretted it (and in some cases sued the NHS for performing it) swore blind that they would never regret it, that they were absolutely sure that they wanted it. Even some women who didn't ever regret it will have had postoperative complications that gave them lasting pain, scarring, or unwellness. And one in 200 of the women who had it and didn't regret it got accidentally pregnant, and had to face either going ahead with the pregnancy or having it terminated. Why would you open yourself up to any of that, when a woman can have a just-as-reliable, way less risky and invasive, instantly reversible option like an IUD? Or, indeed, if a straight couple are absolutely sure their childbearing years are behind them or will never start, the male can have a vasectomy, which is substantially less risky and also less likely to fail.

Just ask your GP. I got a referral straight away. Male GP and male consultant ( not that that should make any difference )
The only negative comments I experienced were from female theatre staff 🙄

Again I wouldn't be asking him to get a vasectomy as that is something he would need to want. I would be making my own fertility decisions
I think a physician would be rightly hesitant if I was a healthy 18 year old making a permanent life changing decision around their fertility but a woman who is in her mid 30s who has a medical condition that will certainly get worse down the years which would effect her ability to look after a child adequately? I'm not sure that could be put into the same category. There are risks associated with long term hormonal treatment that I could avoid with sterilisation. The difference in effectiveness isn't vast. Also patients surely sign the disclosure to say they are making and informed decision regarding risks and benefits of the procedure

Interesting tip, i would usually hope that a woman would be more sympathetic when it came to issues that only effect women. But I can see in this situation I may be better off trying to get an appointment with a male doctor, I'm guessing they project less than women about how you will regret it further down the line

@Bananatools women come with their own bias as this thread shows
Don't be put off by negative comments ( which are often based based on hearsay and not fact )
I've never regretted my decision for a nanosecond
You have body autonomy. I hope all goes well for you

I can’t see anything on NHS guidelines or NICE referring to age or that you must already have children. It just says you need to be sure that you never want children and that you must have capacity.
Speak to your GP - best of luck

I'd refer you but I'd warn you at time of referral that routine gynae wait in my area is 18 months for first outpatient appointment and I don't think you'd get the answer you were hoping for from that appointment.
But yes, I would refer you.

Ah but your experience isn’t recently so I don’t think you’ve had up to date advice