How to tell work I'm expecting again!

[MaltipooMama]

So having an absolute conundrum so thought I would try and get some advice and keep my fingers crossed that someone can offer some pearls of wisdom!!

I've worked at my current organisation for 10 years, was promoted in April 2023 to senior managerial level (I was a lower level manager prior to this) and the week before I started found out we were expecting our first child! I was only six weeks along on my first day in the new role but decided to tell my new line manager immediately to ensure they could organise a temporary replacement for me whilst on maternity leave. They took the news really well, I've been really loyal over the 10 years so they were very happy for me which was lovely.

I started my maternity leave end of November 2023 and have been lucky enough to be able to take a years mat leave (well 11.5 months and then 6 weeks annual leave), meaning my return to work date is 6th January 2025.

So, the predicament... we have found out amazingly that we have managed to conceive AGAIN! Our second child is now 8 weeks along and I'm just absolutely dreading having to tell work the news this time. I feel so awful and guilty that I'm going back for only 6 months before taking what will likely be a further 12 months off. I feel like they'll think I'm taking the absolute piss, but the reality is I'm nearly 39 and didn't have a whole lot of time to spare!

How would you go about sharing this news? Or alternatively if you're a line manager, what would help you to receive this news from one of your reports as best and logical as possible?

Appreciate any advice, I'm tying myself up in knots about it and not able to enjoy a second of this pregnancy without feeling absolutely shit 😔

Riiight. I don't think I would be apologising for being pregnant. It happens. I'm sure the father of the baby isn't apologising to anybody in his work that he's going to be a father again. So why would the mother. You may feel differently and that's up to you but I don't think the OP should apologise her family is having a baby just because she is female and therefore is the pregnant person

I agree - I’d probably be a little bit apologetic about it. Even if I didn’t really mean it, it just shows a bit of humility when it’s impacting on others. It’s not the same as apologising for being pregnant.

Comparison with the dad is a non-starter as it is unlikely he will be taking a further year off work.

It happens all the time, so I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. Lots of my colleagues had two (or three) babies in quick succession. Those same babies are all teenagers now and the maternity leaves are a distant memory. In the course of a long career, two or three years is a short timespan.

But why do you have to show humility just because you're a woman who's pregnant? While the man who made her pregnant doesn't have to display humility. Maybe he should go into her work and apologise for making her pregnant? Gosh no. But a pregnant woman should not be apologising for being pregnant. We don't humiliate people who are off sick for whatever reason by suggesting they should apologise to their co-workers they are ill and will be off for a while.

Huge congratulations!!!
Also, a woman in my office had this happen. We were all elated for her. I hope they have the same reaction.

Well, as you say, I feel differently, and it IS up to me.

To me, it’s about showing empathy and humanity for your colleagues. When my colleagues have gone on parental leave (and it is a parental leave issue rather than a mat leave issue where I work, because the org is forward thinking, fathers get up to 6 months and all the dads have used it - which is actually more challenging because it’s very difficult to replace someone for 6 months) I’ve been elated for them but it has created a ton of extra work for everyone else, and I appreciate when they’ve recognised that. It doesn’t stop me being over the moon for them, but to me it’s part of being an empathic person to recognise and acknowledge the impact you have on others. I would want to be treated that way and I would treat them the same.

I’m not saying she should prostrate herself on the floor and flagellate herself, I’m just saying, if it was me, I would acknowledge that It will have an impact on colleagues, and I would apologise for that.

😵‍💫 that’s crap mat leave and I would feel zero guilt about your pregnancy.

I feel so awful and guilty that I'm going back for only 6 months before taking what will likely be a further 12 months off.
your mindset is the issue

I got 6 months Full pay and bonus and did similar
I took 13m was back for 8m
i felt zero guilt
i work hard and I’m not planning my life around a faceless employer than legitimately doesn’t care if I live or die.

I’d tell them your first day back so that they can extend your contractor cover and practice not being apologetic in the mirror if needed

I was in a similar situation. Went back for 5 months. It was just accepted. No need for drama

OP, this was my situation. I chose to tell them at the earliest opportunity (6 weeks) and they were great. They extended my maternity cover in my oermanent role and gave me a great project role, which naturally wrapped up around the time I'd be off again.

Surely these days women of child bearing age are widely employed.It should come as little surprise if they then become pregnant! Years ago I was asked if I planned to have a family, and whether I would be coming back to work.This sort of thinking is thankfully outdated now.Just tell them and dont apologise .you have rights now!

Happy to acknowledge you have a right to your opinion. I have a different view and was just expressing it in good faith. I think we should agree to disagree and leave it at that.

If anyone is reading this just wanted to say a big thank you for the helpful advice and tips I was given to alleviate my concerns with telling my employer about my pregnancy, I told him today and took onboard some of the advice you guys gave me and he was amazing, incredibly happy for me and reminded me that he is a dad and understands how important family is and that my family is and should be my priority. With my consent he is also going to share the news with my team so that I don't have to worry about having conversations when I come back. He said he isn't going to see this as anything other than amazing news and he is genuinely over the moon for me. Thanks again for all your helpful comments and support!

Well, that's a lovely update OP. Good luck going forward

That's great@MaltipooMama

lovely News! Xx