How to tell work I'm expecting again!

[MaltipooMama]

So having an absolute conundrum so thought I would try and get some advice and keep my fingers crossed that someone can offer some pearls of wisdom!!

I've worked at my current organisation for 10 years, was promoted in April 2023 to senior managerial level (I was a lower level manager prior to this) and the week before I started found out we were expecting our first child! I was only six weeks along on my first day in the new role but decided to tell my new line manager immediately to ensure they could organise a temporary replacement for me whilst on maternity leave. They took the news really well, I've been really loyal over the 10 years so they were very happy for me which was lovely.

I started my maternity leave end of November 2023 and have been lucky enough to be able to take a years mat leave (well 11.5 months and then 6 weeks annual leave), meaning my return to work date is 6th January 2025.

So, the predicament... we have found out amazingly that we have managed to conceive AGAIN! Our second child is now 8 weeks along and I'm just absolutely dreading having to tell work the news this time. I feel so awful and guilty that I'm going back for only 6 months before taking what will likely be a further 12 months off. I feel like they'll think I'm taking the absolute piss, but the reality is I'm nearly 39 and didn't have a whole lot of time to spare!

How would you go about sharing this news? Or alternatively if you're a line manager, what would help you to receive this news from one of your reports as best and logical as possible?

Appreciate any advice, I'm tying myself up in knots about it and not able to enjoy a second of this pregnancy without feeling absolutely shit 😔

It happens more than you think. And we are entitled to mat leave. No need to be so judgy. It's better to get the mat leaves out the way tbf

Anyway ill only be back at work 12/14 weeks and be off again

Yes that sounds like really good positioning, I definitely am at risk of over apologising which I don't want to do as it just frames it in a really negative way. Sorry to hear your work haven't been too supportive, I can imagine that probably makes it quite stressful 🙁

I have no idea what industry you work in but in my 20 years of experience within recruitment and analysing market data and performance I have no statistics whatsoever to evidence that employers prefer men. For me personally I have dedicated my life to this company for 10 years, sacrificed starting a family until my very late 30s and have consistently put in 10/15+ hours of unpaid overtime weekly, I'm not sure my male equivalents in my workplace could say the same!

But what exactly is the issue? That the poster is having more than one child? That's still the most common option for parents in the UK. Or is it really just the timing? But in that case why is it any more disruptive for you to just get your leave out of the way in fairly quick succession and then be back at work for the foreseeable future, rather than doing another year or two and then being out again?

Not quite the same, but I returned from mat leave at the start of the year and will be starting my second mat leave early next year. They’ll have just about had a full year of me by the time I disappear again. I was absolutely dreading telling work, but everyone has been super lovely about it, and as others have said there’s not a huge amount that can be done about it if they aren’t happy.

@paradiseonfire I'd say any employer who is openly 'fucked off' that a women is taking a second maternity leave, is taking it personally, which is of course, an insane reaction.

The company I work for are well versed in women following through with the maternity leave they are legally entitled to, in fact they specialise in writing policies for it. Luckily for women, employers don't get to dictate or have an opinion when women chose to grow their families, hopefully you realise this🙄

Not quite the same situation but I was pregnant in the summer had most of July -beg of August off with pregnancy sickness, miscarried in August.
Found out I was expecting in October sickness started at 4 weeks and I was off last week and have just been signed off for 4 weeks.
Having had so much time off with my last pregnancy I was nervous about announcing another pregnancy with sickness early.
I drop my line manager a message to see if he had a few minutes for a chat and launched straight in. He was understanding and supportive. I went from mat leave to Sick leave with my daughter and ended up with 15 months off full time work then admitted defeat and went part time

Enjoy this special time of your life and your pregnancy ! I wouldn’t worry one bit. I had two babies in a year and two months plus was paid full maternity for both

you funded your own maternity so why feel guilty ?

Could you afford to take a 6 month career break before your second maternity leave starts? It might be better for work if they can keep your cover on. And do you really want to go back for 6 months and then off again?

Thank you and yes I really do want to make sure I enjoy this time, I'm so excited and don't like this downer feeling at all! I suppose the guilt stems from having my team message me a lot in the last few months saying they're really looking forward to me coming back. I've always found it hard to switch off from work I guess!

This would have been ideal tbh but we've used up a lot of our savings to self fund my first year, so I suppose I could partly do with going back to have those six months to get some more savings in for the next one! It's a shame really as we have a house sale going through which if completed soon enough could've allowed me to do this, but there's just no guarantee sadly

I got pregnant very soon after going back after mat leave. I did manage to hide it and not say anything until 22 or so weeks. But in the end it was fine. If you’re 39 they won’t be surprised. Career wise it’s ended up better for me to have two mat leaves in quick succession than two, say 4-5 years apart.’

She's worked there for ten years, they won't think anything of the sort.

UK law?. There's no problem here. Are you in a union? They would support and advise you so join if you aren't a member already would be my advice

Firstly, congratulations 🥳
and secondly, don’t worry. You won’t be the first or last pregnant woman to go back to work pregnant after maternity leave.
I was 14 weeks pregnant and had a 7 month old baby when I went back to work. No one was shocked or gave me hell for it. ☺️
just enjoy Christmas and enjoy being pregnant. Let your employers know when you go back to work in the New Year.

The same way you told them the first time? I don't understand what you're asking, or are you just trying to find a reason to post because you're excited about being pregnant? You can just do that on its own you know.

I've had some wonderful, useful advice from some really kind people on here who have been in similar situations and have really helped put it into perspective for me. No need to comment if you don't understand it or it causes you any offence

Hmmm. I used to be a union rep and a good, intelligent friend phoned me once in distress because she was on maternity leave and just found out she was pregnant again before she was due to return to work. I reassured her, printed out the policy and procedures and discreetly posted them to her. Women do worry about their pregnancy rights (see Pregmant then Screwed info). It's much more likely to be genuinely seeking help and advice than the OP wanting to tell the world she's having a baby

@GranPepper thank you and yes you're absolutely right, the advice on here has been really useful and I appreciate people sharing their own experiences, it's alleviated a lot of my anxiousness around sharing the news with work

Are you well?! What kind of dystopian opinion is this. A woman’s family planning decisions are absolutely none of her employer’s business. Women of child bearing age have babies, and a well run organisation should be prepared enough to deal with that fact of life without writing off the entire female sex.

OP, I’ve been in your shoes and I recommend you be confident when you tell your company, and don’t apologise. Congratulations!

I dont think i agree with the person suggesting you shouldn’t be apologetic about it. I was in a similar position, but I work in a small charity and had seen first hand how difficult it was for the charity, and for colleagues, when people go on mat leave. I told them early, I told them I was telling them early to give them as much time as possible to plan, I empathised that I knew it was going to be a pain and said that I would do everything I could to leave them in as good a position as possible, and make a smooth transition.

it was made even more challenging because I knew my manager really wanted children and had many many unsuccessful rounds of IVF.

I could tell she was surprised and probably a bit pissed off, but she grinned and beared it, and congratulated me, and the next day it was all good.

good luck! You will be fine

Eh? You should be apologetic about being pregnant because it would be difficult for colleagues is how I interpret your post. I hope you'll say I have mis-interpreted what you said

You can hope what you like. I’m saying if you care about your colleagues, and you know it will affect them negatively, you can apologise for the impact it will have on them. It’s different from apologising for being pregnant.