Due February 2025 - Thread 4

[UrbanSquirrel]

Just creating this so that we have somewhere to continue when Thread 3 fills up. If you're due to have a baby in February 2025 (or late January or early March, as we have a wide spread!), come join us for support, advice and (at present) some really useful Black Friday recommendations! Big welcoming hugs to all the usual suspects coming over from Thread 3 🤗

Glad to see there are fellow name nerds here @ridl14 @OrangeSlices998 - I’ve been into names for a long time now!

But I definitely felt like my favourites didn’t feel quite right for this baby for some reason. We now have one name for each gender ready to go, and a back up name for a girl in case she doesn’t ‘look like’ the one we have in mind 😂 Ideally we’d have a back up for a boy too, but it’s been much harder to agree on those unfortunately.

Good God @Meltedchocolateteapot your boss sounds like a complete arse!
I would be one to push myself a lot in work and take a lot on, but they don't push it, and since I got diagnosed with PPROM and could effectively be off at any point they just have me doing handovers. At the end of the day with 99% of jobs we are all easily replaceable and it's not worth yours or your babies health. This is what I'm telling myself :)
A chat with your manager should be reassuring not make you feel worse. What about your HR policy? You can ask for 'reasonable adjustments' if you've an impairment physically or mentally in work, if you don't want to be signed off just yet and want to keep working it could be worth asking for that and just explaining that whilst you still want to contribute you need to put your and the babies health first. I'd be doing it in writing and asking for a call to discuss so you've the request documented keeping an audit trail in case they continue to be unreasonable as you've every right to complain. Sorry haha this has really mad me rant, but it's actually just made me mad! :)

I've been so bad at keeping up to date but seen quite a lot of birth options chat. I was 100% in the camp for c-section but because baby might come early there's advantages for him of going for a vaginal birth. They will want me to go at 37 weeks but I understand I can ask to wait which I'm thinking about, need to do some reading first though. Just wondering if anyone can share experiences of induction and vaginal birth? I was terrified of the notion of it but warming up to it now. I'll be taking every drug on offer lol.....one doctor suggested with my phobia they could even epidural me for the induction but that seems like a long time to be numb, she said it can take days and because of infection risk with PPROM ill have to stay in.

Absolutely agree on the work advice @SBelfast! A colleague told me "put yourself first, if anything happens to you or your baby, they'll just be like oh, sorry".

It's really stuck in my head so as much as there are times I am pushing myself, it's in a way that works for me. If I need to sit down, I do, if I need to take a break to go to the loo or walk somewhere slowly and get there after everyone else, I'm doing that, even if it's not best practice etc.

Btw I wanted to ask - what is everyone hoping/asking for or expecting in terms of help from other people in the first week postpartum? Especially if it's not your first delivery!

I'm trying to figure out what I want as my MIL is really keen to help (she's essentially our option for help in the first week and lives really locally). I feel like I don't want anyone else to visit for the first week at least but in terms of having someone give practical help, did you want someone staying for overnights, coming round a few hours a day...? I feel like help with food/cleaning would be really welcome but I also want my own space to sleep, bond with the baby, be in a half-dressed, messy leaky bleeding hormonal state and not have to think about it.

@ridl14 My husband will be doing most of the work in the first week or so because I'll be recovering from the section - I guess it depends how quickly and easily I can move around. But we are very keen to make time to just cuddle up with the baby. To that end, my parents are coming up to stay for the first few days (at our invitation!), and my mum says they will take care of cooking and laundry etc so that we can just be in our little bubble. Really grateful.

MIL and FIL will obviously be very welcome to come to see baby, but I think the ideal is to hold off other visits for the first couple of weeks, just until we've got our heads around it. Fortunately DH has saved up his holiday and will be able to take four weeks off, so that should be amazingly helpful.

As we have two small nieces (almost 1 and almost 3), what is the sensible thing to do about introducing them to baby? The older one has quite the habit of bringing things back from nursery and (knowing this sounds like an utter PFB scenario) I'm not sure how careful we need to be pre-vaccinations etc. Any advice?

With my first it was lockdown and no-one could visit so people didn't meet DS until weeks after he was born apart from dropping off stuff for us. In hindsight that was so tough but actually great to have some time just 3 of us. You will be an emotional mess and personally I'd rather face that without everyone around me.

This time I'm sure my parents will visit but will be in short bursts and likely to bring food/ hold baby/tidy/help with DS and that's about it. I personally wouldn't want family staying over but everyone's different.

I think the meeting your nieces will be personal preference, small children bring a lot of germs but as long as they're well and not ill at the time should be fine. My DS brings stuff home from school but obviously can't separate them so I think it's just about being cautious with hand washing and them not being too close to baby. If there's no urgency for them to meet them I'd be waiting a bit of time.

Has anyone been into triage for reduced movements? Currently 30 weeks and in the car with husband now driving to the hospital but I’ve not felt anything since midday and she is usually very active. Do they give you a scan or just use a Doppler? Also has anyone else had this and it turned out to be totally fine?

@Padronpeppersplease it is more than a doppler, I believe, they check heart rate variability and things. Worth doing if you're worried. I've been wired up twice and found it so relaxing I fell asleep!

@Padronpeppersplease hope all is okay, it’s usually a ctg machine they hook you up to.

majority of time, you’ve felt nothing and as soon as the machine is on - there is movement galore!!

try not to worry although that’s easy to say x

Hope everything is ok @Padronpeppersplease 🙏🏻

Likewise @Padronpeppersplease hope everything turns out to be OK. You are doing exactly the right thing going in and hopefully they will be able to put your mind at rest very soon. Keep us posted 🤗 x

Thanks everyone, I am still at the hospital and they have put me on a machine which monitors the baby’s heart rate for 20-30 mins, everything is normal on there so just waiting for an explanation as to why I haven’t been able to feel anything but I’m guessing it’s just a change of position or something. But feeling very relieved! Also just to report for anyone who experiences anything similar I was seen very quickly and the midwives have all been really lovely

Really glad you're both okay! Definitely the best thing to go get checked - I've had to call the MAU/get seen a couple times not for reduced movement but for crazy pains. First hospital visit I was panicking and in tears thinking something was wrong but really reassured by the team there.

I've had coworkers say they had to go in and get checked at least a couple times plus with their pregnancies and that it's normal, you're just being very responsible! Hope you can all get some rest this evening

Currently waiting to be seen at triage, 31+2 and she’s definitely not been moving as much today. Had a cry and a panic earlier thinking the worst, have had a few movements since but nothing like as normal. So so hard not to worry

She flipped to be head down and immediately moving so much monitoring was difficult! This baby. So relieved all is okay!

@OrangeSlices998 and @Padronpeppersplease so, so pleased to hear that you and babies are all OK. What a worrying evening for both of you! Sending hugs and hope you are able to get home and have some much-deserved rest soon x

Thank you lovely and @OrangeSlices998 glad everything was ok for you too!

Really glad you're both okay! Completely understand the worry, it's such a horrible feeling. Hope you can rest up now after all that

Really glad to hear both babies are well and that the hospitals have been kind to you both. Definitely worth getting checked out if there’s any doubt.

Ridl With regards to visitors after birth, it’s quite personal and sometimes you won’t know until you’ve had the baby so may be best not to make any firm commitments. Telling people you’ll let them know when you’re ready for a visit can work well either way - if you feel great you can invite them over sooner. If you’re not feeling so great, you haven’t set an expectation of seeing people within a few hours/ days.

I found my caesarean recovery really tough in the beginning (partly why I’m trying for a natural delivery again this time); I had the most awful searing pain and needed lots of help from DP to get up and down, in and out of bed etc. I also had to come home with a catheter as my bladder didn’t recover properly from the operation which left me miserable and feeling undignified! In that first week I really couldn’t face visitors. My DM and my DSIS popped in frequently for short periods, but they did practical jobs like washing, cooking meals, housework.

A midwife came round on day 5 (ish) and said she was very pleased to see I was still in my pyjamas! So don’t feel guilty about needing to rest and recuperate.

After a week we started to have visitors, really because one set of in-laws were piling on the pressure. I still felt very unwell though and will hopefully feel stronger this time around to put people off for another week or so.

Urban I’m more risk averse than some but my DD did catch Covid as a newborn and it was horrid. It’s not just the diseases that the vaccines help to protect from, even common illnesses can make newborns really poorly. You might like to consider whether you want to ask people not to kiss baby and wash their hands before holding them. I wouldn’t worry if anyone thinks you’re being PFB, it won’t be them up all night with a poorly baby trying to get medicine into them.

It’s very sweet that your DH is talking to your baby. He sounds lovely. DP struggles to bond before baby is here, but fortunately is very hands on and happy to muck in when baby arrives. Also fab that your DH has lots of leave. I think DP had a similar amount of time off when I had DD and it was invaluable in terms of help, but mainly such a precious and special time as a family.

Wide awake since 5am, struggling to stay comfortable in bed now as the aches and pains creep in!
Growth scan today after big measurement at the midwife last week so hopefully all will be well.

As others have said re visitors, see how you feel once you're home. I thought I would be up for visitors right away last time but I was absolutely exhausted for a couple of weeks and didn't enjoy the pressure of people coming over. This time I am going to be a lot slower with the invitations.
My OH was quite worried about germs and we kept a hand gel by the door and he had no bother asking people to gel their hands on the way in. Baby still caught a cold though and we both felt guilty like we had exposed him to too many people too soon. This time will be different as he's now a 2 year old who inevitably brings bugs home from nursery! But overall I would just say try not to worry about pleasing others and go with your instincts of what is best for you xx

Thanks all. To make up for the fear yesterday she’s moving so much today! I definitely think it’s positional as she was head down at the midwife but I think was transverse yesterday. Anyway, such a relief! So glad I went.

Re visitors, it’s so so hard because everyone wants to see the baby and I feel/felt so strongly that I need to hold the baby, so look after me! First time round my mum and MIL did naff all to help it was so disappointing. Didn’t bring food, didn’t even offer to do anything for us, just wanted to cuddle the baby and undermine my attempts to breastfeed. Second time round I held my nerve a bit more but my mum was still so useless despite claiming she wouldn’t be. My husband is determined we’ll have a better newborn bubble so he’s going to be the one to communicate with her & his parents - it’s easier now as we’ve moved to Scotland so no one can just turn up! I don’t begrudge people wanting to see and snuggle the baby, but at least bring some food! And make your own cup of tea, and I’ll have one too please!

Anyone else just feel like they can't be bothered to do anything? I keep looking at pile of stuff to sort in the nursery and putting it off, looking at pile of Christmas presents to sort and wrap and keep shutting the wardrobe doors 🙈 I've made a kind of hospital bag list but not actually brought or sorted anything. 33 weeks tomorrow and I'm sure last pregnancy I was in full nesting mode by now, I just have no urgency to do anything and normally I am very organised and prepared!

@elb1504 completely! Absolutely no motivation to do anything, baby’s room is currently a half painted dumping ground and I keep telling myself we have plenty of time (the plan is to get the baby stuff out the loft when we put the Christmas stuff back up…at 36/37 weeks!). I got to 40+5 before baby was born last time (although I went into labour overnight at 40+1/2) so I’ve convinced myself baby will be a week or so overdue for absolutely no reason! My auntie asked if my bags were packed the other day and I had to confess that I don’t even have a bag as the wheel fell off my suitcase!

@retrievermum Glad its not just me! Yeah also planning to get stuff out loft after Christmas! DS was born at 41+3 but this time I'm at risk of pre term labour so this is niggling me at the back of my head thinking should I be more prepared! I have time to sort the stuff I just keep looking at it and moving a few things then go and do something else!