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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I feel like no one is happy about my pregnancy

29 replies

gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:05

I'm pregnant with my second child.
I just thought I'd give a bit of background
With my first child we tried for 3 years, had 6 miscarriages and then got out beautiful rainbow baby.

This time round I got pregnant by complete surprise, no struggling to get pregnant. I had a miscarriage last year (the most traumatic one yet) very much a wanted pregnancy but has come as a complete shock and never thought I'd be in the receiving end of such an easy time getting pregnant.

When I was pregnant with my first child my older sister was pregnant at the same time, she has 4 children already and had her 5th a month before I had my first.

This time round, she has been trying without having much success (has a lot of health issues) she isn't great with the children she has if I'm being honest and said the last was her last.

I didn't announce this pregnancy until quite late and tried to be as sensitive as I could to people who are struggling as I've been there and I know how it feels. I haven't and won't announce on social media, the people I have told I told via text and didn't go to much into it (maybe this is all my fault haha)

But it just feels like there is no joy, it just feels like people can't be happy for me this time round and in turn is sucking all of the joy out of it for me. I haven't spoke about it much at all, I tried to send a message yesterday just about the gender but I didn't say much more and everyone has read it and nobody has replied.

It just feels so disappointing and i honestly have this overwhelming feeling of guilt for being pregnant and other people not being. There is this feeling like I should have waiting for her to be pregnant at the same time again.

I feel like I can't be happy because I'm so worried about upsetting other people by talking about it or trying to be excited or happy about it.

This sounds like it's all I ever mention, but it isn't, I hardly mention it because I don't want to hurt anyone.

I understand if I'm being silly or unreasonable I think I just wanted to rant and have nowhere else to do so

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 17/11/2024 00:09

She's trying for her 6th child? and because she's not pregnant people aren't happy for you?

Have I got it wrong because this is mad.

Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:09

DinaofCloud9 · 17/11/2024 00:09

She's trying for her 6th child? and because she's not pregnant people aren't happy for you?

Have I got it wrong because this is mad.

Yes. It is mad when you put it like that haha.

OP posts:
QueenCamilla · 17/11/2024 00:11

Who do you want to be happy about your pregnancy?

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 17/11/2024 00:11

Is it because your family are now looking at the 7th grandchild/niece/nephew I know it's only your second but to them it's number 7, things do lose their excitement at some point

Lookingatthesunset · 17/11/2024 00:11

Your sister is out of her mind. I wouldn't be pussyfooting around her. You talk about your pregnancy all you like. She has more than enough children!

Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:11

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 17/11/2024 00:11

Is it because your family are now looking at the 7th grandchild/niece/nephew I know it's only your second but to them it's number 7, things do lose their excitement at some point

My parents never see them. They only really see my child

OP posts:
Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:12

QueenCamilla · 17/11/2024 00:11

Who do you want to be happy about your pregnancy?

It's not so much happy, I just want to feel like I can talk about it and feel a little joy without feeling like I'm upsetting people if that makes sense

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 17/11/2024 00:12

Perhaps because of your past miscarriages people are being a bit more cautious? Maybe the excitement will come when baby arrives but really after the first baby is here no one but the parents really get as excited for the others that come along unfortunately.

DinaofCloud9 · 17/11/2024 00:13

OK when you talk about not wanting to hurt anyone who do you mean?

FixingStuff · 17/11/2024 00:13

I think people tend to be a bit rubbish about second babies tbh. I'm a second baby and people called me "X's little sister" until I left secondary school.

When my friends had babies, I noticed I was all excited about the first, but the second barely registered. I don't know the genders or names of any of my friends second or subsequent children, unless I actually see them regularly in person.

If it's your actual immediate family, then they need to cop on a bit.

Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:14

DinaofCloud9 · 17/11/2024 00:13

OK when you talk about not wanting to hurt anyone who do you mean?

People who are struggling to get pregnant, my sister ect

OP posts:
QueenCamilla · 17/11/2024 00:14

gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:12

It's not so much happy, I just want to feel like I can talk about it and feel a little joy without feeling like I'm upsetting people if that makes sense

Show quote history

But which people - your sister only?

MushMonster · 17/11/2024 00:14

Congratulations OP! Wishing you and your baby the best!

To be honest, it sounds like you have been sensitive, sensible and done all ok. Just enjoy your pregnancy. The only idea that crosses my mind is on the effort to be considerate, you came across as not so enthusiastic about it as you really are. And maybe they are mimicking that.

FixingStuff · 17/11/2024 00:15

I think your sister needs to cop on and be happy for you.

Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:15

MushMonster · 17/11/2024 00:14

Congratulations OP! Wishing you and your baby the best!

To be honest, it sounds like you have been sensitive, sensible and done all ok. Just enjoy your pregnancy. The only idea that crosses my mind is on the effort to be considerate, you came across as not so enthusiastic about it as you really are. And maybe they are mimicking that.

I'm definitely more sensitive this time round. But that's probably true. I feel like maybe I'm so scared of hurting people I'm coming across as not excited

OP posts:
FixingStuff · 17/11/2024 00:15

MushMonster · 17/11/2024 00:14

Congratulations OP! Wishing you and your baby the best!

To be honest, it sounds like you have been sensitive, sensible and done all ok. Just enjoy your pregnancy. The only idea that crosses my mind is on the effort to be considerate, you came across as not so enthusiastic about it as you really are. And maybe they are mimicking that.

That does seem likely, especially also if they are worried that there might again be a miscarriage.

BobbyBiscuits · 17/11/2024 00:16

I don't really know what you want, maybe some people actually are just neutral about the fact you're pregnant.

Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:16

BobbyBiscuits · 17/11/2024 00:16

I don't really know what you want, maybe some people actually are just neutral about the fact you're pregnant.

I don't want anything. I just want people to at least be happy for me and to feel like I can talk about it without feeling like I'm upsetting my sister.

OP posts:
Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:19

I think the post is mainly aimed at my sister and the people around that. I just want to feel a little joy without feeling like I have to tip toe and try not to upset people. I did say it may not make sense and I do take on board what people are saying. I was just ranting being I feel so deflated about having to hide my job to please my sister who has 5 kids.

OP posts:
CostaDelOrchard · 17/11/2024 00:23

You say you announced it quite late, how late is quite late? I find people that leave it really late (I know a couple who announced a month before they were due - she was quite big to start with so easy to conceal - and we all found it a bit batshit and left them to it) a bit strange and dare I say deceptive. Like you didn’t want anyone to know but after hiding this exciting news like a child smuggling sweets you want us to all coo over it. Maybe I’m projecting here but depending on your definition of quite late, could there be an element of this going on, do you think?

PaminaMozart · 17/11/2024 00:27

Why do you fall over yourself to try not to upset people - especially when there is no justification for being upset?

Why do you make your happiness dependent on people who are fairly peripheral to your life?

If you can get counselling to unpick this it would be good. But in any case you should read a couple of books on boundaries and self-esteem.

Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:30

CostaDelOrchard · 17/11/2024 00:23

You say you announced it quite late, how late is quite late? I find people that leave it really late (I know a couple who announced a month before they were due - she was quite big to start with so easy to conceal - and we all found it a bit batshit and left them to it) a bit strange and dare I say deceptive. Like you didn’t want anyone to know but after hiding this exciting news like a child smuggling sweets you want us to all coo over it. Maybe I’m projecting here but depending on your definition of quite late, could there be an element of this going on, do you think?

16 weeks so not that late. I keep it so private because I had a loss at 14 weeks. Nothing you said is remotely true

OP posts:
Original poster
gonewithtthewind · 17/11/2024 00:31

I'm not sure why some of you get a kick out of being so mean to people over an innocent post to be honest

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 17/11/2024 00:35

@gonewithtthewind just talk about it with other people. Be more minimal about it around your sister. She seems unreasonable, but she must have her own reasons, like desperation for a sextet of offspring? Each to their own but many would say six is more than most people could handle!
I'm not able to have kids but I'd be very happy for anyone I knew who was pregnant. But baby talk can be boring, or as in your sister's case right now, a bit upsetting.
There are plenty of others in your life who I'm sure are very happy for you. So just stick to chatting with them about it.

Orangeandgold · 17/11/2024 00:51

FixingStuff · 17/11/2024 00:13

I think people tend to be a bit rubbish about second babies tbh. I'm a second baby and people called me "X's little sister" until I left secondary school.

When my friends had babies, I noticed I was all excited about the first, but the second barely registered. I don't know the genders or names of any of my friends second or subsequent children, unless I actually see them regularly in person.

If it's your actual immediate family, then they need to cop on a bit.

This is strangely true! And although we are adults if affects my younger sister so much!! Whenever I meet a family friend they are super excited to see me / the eldest - and often forget my sisters name which is rubbish.

I want to add that you should be happy for your pregnancy. Forget everyone else. Other people’s happiness should not determine yours. It might be easier for me to say as I actually like keeping my pregnancies to myself and it feeling magical to my immediate family (partner, existing children) - but my family and friends m, whilst happy for me, usually also have their own things going on.

Pregnancy has been made to be an awkward subject these days too with how sensitive we all have to be - so maybe that plays a role. I’m sure they will be excited when baby is actually here.

Im sure you can talk about it with your parents.