Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

a woman died at home recently near where I live. She had a free birth after 2 c sections and ignored the advice of midwives and doctors who advised her she was too high risk for a home birth, seeking advice from a doula with no qualifications. She left behind 4 children and a husband. It’s so sad. I just feel that sometimes birth is “medicalised” for good reason and despite the fact that maternity care is often inadequate ,it is can also be dangerous to be spreading the narrative that birth should be natural and without medical intervention etc.

I refused to see a midwife after awful experiences in my first pregnancy that led to me labouring alone at 29 weeks and my baby being in real danger. However, I did see a consultant obstetrician every two weeks. I found this much better and more thorough and my doctor treated me as an intelligent adult and involved me in all decisions around my care. Maybe given your position and high risk, you can change your midwife appointments to an obstetrician? Or don't go fully private but go private for obstetrician appointments and back to NHS for birth?

She is getting a hard deal because she won't give the reason she wants to decline other than being upset that the baby is being put first over her.

@BecuaseIWantItThatWay did you read the stats someone posted earlier from countries where birth is not medicalised ? Maternal death numbers are shockingly high in those places.
technically dying of a bacterial infection is also natural , before antibiotics many people died of tonsillitis etc .yet very few would refuse antibiotics. Or surgeries etc for various diseases that people would have died from years ago before the care of these diseases was “medicalised”. I know being pregnant isn’t a disease but there are many potential complications. I’m sick of this narrative that birth is natural and women who accept interventions during birth are almost seen as “less than”

What is the background with the father?

You obviously have some issues with this pregnancy and don’t come across as happy about it.
I am assuming it’s got something to do with the father.

It is telling that he wanted you to have an abortion, so perhaps you’re not in the best frame of mind to have a baby or getting pregnant meant the end of the relationship.

Whatever your issues are, you need to figure them out and find a way to deal with them asap because your baby will soon be here and if you’re already resentful of it, then you’re going to really struggle once you give birth.

You didn’t ask for advice though. You came on here and made a statement about a course of action you have decided on. People told you it was a really bad idea, which it is, and you have continued to insist that you are right.

If you were really looking for advice, you’ve got it: accept antenatal care for your unborn baby’s sake and that of your other children, if not for your own.

That’s it. That’s the advice. You can pay for it, go to NHS appointments, go with a smile or a sulk (I recommend the former), but just do it.

It's because you're not being clear about what actually has happened to upset you! Maybe you don't know yourself what's upset you, which makes me think you need counselling.

I have had two pregnancies, same father. No preeclampsia in the first, but preeclampsia in the second.

And what's wrong with living in a 2 bedroom house?

I have spoken to a midwife and the matron

What's concerning about my bedroom situation

You're really bothered about the number of bedrooms I have,it doesn't mean me or my children aren't healthy,and no I'm not in the social housing list,not that that would make a difference

Yes I do have a little in savings

You are still refusing to tell us what happened that is making you keen to swerve appointments. I was wondering if the scanner had assaulted you or something, a serious thing.

Not that it's relevant but I don't live in a council house but even if I did I'd be allowed to have my baby, woke have babies living in council houses all the time,you have a weird obsession with council housing, and although I don't have enough in savings to buy a big house I do gave enough to pay£185 for a private anatomy scan

Why pay when you don't have to?

I talked to a midwife last week and tne matron yesterday

The only issue they've recorded is the historic operation, ive never had ivf

There were able to see and note the position of my placenta,I'm not sure it would have become low lying since then

You're making things up to feed your own narrative, I've never said that nor is it the case

Exactly, you’re not sure. Placentas move as your bump grows. Hence keeping a check on things.

But you dont trust them!

Because in comparison the private scans I've had have been better treatment than the NHS ones,I've said that a few times

Appointments and scans have been identified as needing to occur at certain stages to identify and monitor risk. I'm not sure why you as a 2 time mother would be better qualified than the NHS to manage these risks. Of course it's your body and if you don't want to engage then so be it but if you truly want this baby and something was missed would you forgive yourself if something happened to the baby. Or to you, leaving 3 children without a parent.
If you don't like your midwife team and hospital ask to move but don't disengage entirely.

I've still had lengthy discussions with medical professionals for those saying I can't possibly have an informed view of my care,I do as I've spoken with professionals about it