Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

Ask for a different scanner or a different hospital then? I wouldn't pay private. Haven't you read about the private scan scandal where they don't pick up serious defects?

There have been lots of stories here of women who have had 20 week scans and something has still gone wrong, they aren't able to prevent every eventuality unfortunately

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation what are you planning to do for the birth, or if any concerns arise?

Private antenatal care costs thousands to get it done properly - do you have that? (Not meaning that in a rude way, but as a budgeting consideration it's something to consider - would those thousands of pounds be needed or better spent elsewhere in the family budget?)

You're not prioritising yourself by refusing antenatal care.

The opposite really.

I know you think you are invincible because you don't have any concerning family medical history or previous issues in pregnancy.

But you're not. You could develop gestational diabetes or pre eclampsia.

You literally could die as a result of pre eclampsia. It happens.

What is your actual reason for refusing these tests?

By all means, don't uncritically accept every recommendation during pregnancy - I didn't and many many women don't do everything they are told, they do their own research and consider the tradeoffs of interventions in labour etc.

But I can't see any benefit to you in not having the standard monitoring - what is the benefit you think you will get?

And what was their advice ?

I talked to a midwife last week and tne matron yesterday

They had you talk to the Matron? What did they say OP?

And did you express that you're opting out of all care from now on?

The midwife I spoke to wanted me to speak to her supervisor as she didn't know what rhe protocol was, the matron accepted I'd been fully informed of my choices and that I can come to them for an appointment in the future if I'd like, discussions about birth don't take place for another 16 weeks yet so I have time to think about what I'd like to do

I think you misunderstood my point. I agree with you that having the resources to support women through pregnancy is imperative, there are risks, and complications do happen. However, the approach to everything being highly medicalised as if everyone is always high risk is not the right approach for everyone, often overcomplicates things and can lead to women feeling very uncomfortable, case in point.

Also, no one I've seen posting on this thread has suggested that having an intervention makes a woman "less than". Having had intervention, I don't see it that way, not was I suggesting it, but I appreciate this is a sensitive topic for many because of their experiences x

The midwife I spoke to wanted me to speak to her supervisor as she didn't know what rhe protocol was, the matron accepted I'd been fully informed of my choices and that I can come to them for an appointment in the future if I'd like, discussions about birth don't take place for another 16 weeks yet so I have time to think about what I'd like to do

Do have a think yes. DC1 was fairly typical straightforward birth but then the MW realised he had the cord around his neck. This is something that can't be picked up beforehand as I understand but glad I had very experienced MWs to hand.

We're told to avoid many stuff while pregnant, no way I'm taking vaccines while pregnant, that's my personal belief

Wow
I've only ever had mine after 41 weeks
Such unnecessary intervention

OP I can't quite fathom why you are still here, still replying to so many of the comments.
I said before mumsnet is not going to give you what you are looking for.
I'd look up wild pregnancy and homebirth Facebook groups to find some like minded people and see how they manage their care.
For what it's worth, I very nearly declined care for my second after some very unpleasant appointments. I had a homebirth with my first. There are ways to minimise interaction with the system, maybe chat with the consultant midwife. For example I did have growth scans but declined the consultant appointment that followed each one as that was the source of the unpleasantness. Funnily enough, people do ring if there is an issue.
I did get induced in the end but it was on my terms (no drip, no postnatal ward) and walked home fresh as a daisy with my healthy baby.
I don't want to be one of those 'my baby could have died' commenters, but the actual physical state of the placenta was clear evidence that it was failing.
So yes. I am proud to have engaged with the antenatal care enough to have had enough evidence (through scans and checks) to make that decision.
You dont have to disclose why you mistrust the NHS, I still don't tbh! But please have a think about it and don't dispense with it entirely.

Like wise 😏
People also die when they leave the house
Maybe stay home and take no risks and don't live at all?
Oops they die at home too
Oh where oh where can you live?

Yeah don't eat brie but have this very new experimental vaccine while you're at your most vulnerable when the medical professionals have no idea how it'll affect your devolving baby,I'm not having the covid vaccine either, I'm not medically vulnerable and I've had it twice and wasn't unwell with it

How many people die I'm car accidents yet people still drive, people die falling down the stairs but houses are still built with stairs, people are being a bit hysterical

Give it a rest, you got some advice. Now you are being needlessly argumentative

Do you use a seatbelt?

Have you ever had a car accident?

Do you have a family history of car accidents?

The point isn't that car accidents happen every time you get into a car, it's that you can easily reduce your risk by wearing a seatbelt

Similar to how pre eclampsia doesn't happen to every woman but the risks can be reduced by blood pressure checks

Well, it's up to you to access the care you need.
I mean come on, do you really need the millions of appointments they send these days?
Also, my neighbour died after having twins
She had pre eclampsia, they knew about it
They managed it through pregnancy and labour, she gave birth safely.
After she gave birth, she complained of a headache
They kept saying they would call the doctor
She then had eclampsia and they couldn't stop her death
What was the point of all that ante natal care when they wouldn't even look after her in hospital?
Law suit, they agreed liability
Who cares? The twins mum died!
We need to stop acting like the nhs is some kind of benevolent machine
It's full of overworked, stressed human beings.
Can you blame people that had negative experiences for being skeptical?

It wasn’t experimental. Wasn’t even that new — it was based on other vaccines.

Evidently you know better than scientists and the whole medical profession though.

Good luck.

I saw I had notifications and got drawn back in as i hadn't unwatched the thread, I've joined some Facebook groups where I'll get a less hostile and hysterical reaction

I think you have misunderstood my point too because I’m not accusing anyone on this thread of saying anyone is less than for accepting interventions. But that message is definitely out there and the people sending out that message are also spreading the message that birth should not be medicalised. agree with what you are saying though, I’m sure interventions are often done unnecessarily. However where I live c sections and epidurals etc are heavily discouraged as they require more a lot more staff and resources.

Exactly and the very new one that's just come out?
So many women will opt for it

And if it's proven to be ineffective and potentially dangerous, they will not learn from it
It's like on to the next, that one will be better

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation I live in rented accommodation with my husband and three kids (3 bed). According to MN, I "shouldn't have kids I can't afford" despite us both working and receiving no government help whatsoever.
But that makes me scum, basically.
A lot of MN posters are wealthy women, probably permanent "SAHMs" because of rich husbands, and see women that have to (proudly) work for a living as beneath them.

You can un watch 😉
Mumsnet = hysterical every time

Every mum I've met recently has said someone at least once tried to pressure them into something during pregnancy or labour whether that be to have an induction for a "big baby" or because they were 41 weeks, to have a C-sections or a catheter against their will. I can't understand all the birth trauma denyers on this thread.