Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

This. At 20:weeks you are in that lovely phase when your baby is growing away quietly. You’re between early pregnancy sickness / risk of miscarriage and the risky later stages when things can go wrong with you or your baby very quickly.

I had very healthy pregnancies until they weren’t. Ended up in ICU with sepsis with one and was (unknowingly) very close to losing my boys at end of my twin pregnancy .

I find it strange why you are refusing to engage with trained medical professionals but are seeking the advice of strangers off the Internet.

For the sake of you and your baby, talk to the professionals. If there's some back story as to why you don't want to speak to them - seek some counselling.

I see your comments about how you believe you will be treated better privately. Just remember the majority of those professionals, will have be trained by the NHS.

Having 2 uncomplicated pregnancies is not indicative of a straight forward 3rd pregnancy. A quick google will tell you the risks associated with pregnancy at your age. An example would be increased risk of placenta previa, something that would be picked up in scans and would show no sign until too late.

But don't take Googles advice on it - speak to a professional.

So you don't think it's concerning she's bringing a child into this situation and also swerving basic medical care but is claiming can pay for private scans, etc? Maybe read the OPs threads before commenting

I do think private care is better/more consistent/more personal than NHS if you can afford it? We had an Independent Midwife.

Her previous posts have indicated a 2-up 2-down house with 2 kids already and being placed on the social housing list. what do you think?

@AlwaysRight1985 They may have a little in savings? Our IM wasn't that costly and option to pay in installments. We also are in rented with two (now three) kids. She did say about option to pay for private scanning?

Intelligent and educated?
Then start behaving as such - for the sake of your poor baby.

Lives in a council house that isn't suitable for their existing kids...

Yep....has savings to pay for private antenatal care (which they still haven't been able to say why it's so much better than the NHS)

@AlwaysRight1985 Gone through the OPs posts and can't see where she said this? Can see the bit where she said she's not living with partner but not the unsuitable social housing bit?

Op do you realise they will now be forced to take safe guarding measures ie social services. If its a specific midwife you do not like you can request a different one at these apps. But do not put baba at risk it doesn't matter how many healthy pregnancies you have had things can manifest fast / not be diagnosed untill a later scan

Who on earth thinks it is a "red flag" for her to want a homebirth?!!! That's ridiculous.

I really wish op could talk through with someone she might be able to trust why she has come to the conclusion she needs to decline ante natal care. The underlying reasons. And then, hopefully , make some kind of progress from there.

I had to deliver my baby early and I too was feeling "well". It was only because i had a routine appointment/scan that i was told there was an issue. Please reconsider; your health and your babys health is vital.

Depends doesn't it? Not engaging with maternity care and then having a free birth at home is a giant red flag and rightly so.

Not engaging with maternity care and then requesting an attended home birth is a slightly different situation

do you know why you have antenatal care?

historically pregnancy is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do. A quarter of a million women die annually from complications related to pregnancy and childbirth. Largely in countries with poor antenatal care.

regular appoints help keep an eye on things. PLUS you have a point of contact if you should start feeling unwell. You know what to do.

these check ups are for you, but you also have two other kids to think about. Best to go and “waste your time” to find out nothing is wrong. Rather than not go and risk your health. It also gives a history to the antenatal care team so if something does go wrong they have something to look at. Not going could make their job harder.

Ultimately, the choice whether or not to go is yours, but you are not the only person who needs considering. I guess what you do depends on how selfish of a person you are…

Op having just saw your last post it makes sense. You've took offence to being classed as high risk and what I can gather its due to multiple factors - your age , ivf, your ovary op, your previous induction, and the fact you went over due date. Therfore they have every reason to be concerned about you and whether you like it or not you are high risk, you need to accept this there is no shame in it at all. I wonder if its due to all of this your projecting out of fear. Put your feeling aside because feelings aren't facts - go to your appointments and let them look after you and baby and stop being stubborn.

Absolutely thank you althoughas a teen she can be annoying lol. She actually has siblings on her father's side. Her youngest/older 18 year old sister only has one kidney because her mother didn't believe in going to the doctor just because the baby stopped kicking in her 8th month.

When she was finally talked into to going her baby's organs were shutting, one kidney dead the other 90%. Many many surgeries and infections. I will never understand people who have access to medical care and think they know better.

Commenting again as hadn’t seen your post history before I commented- in this thread you’re saying you’re not classed as high risk, but in your previous thread you say it was in your notes (not discussed but was in there). They’ll want to do all the checks and maybe extra for the wellbeing of you and your baby. I know most mothers would do anything to ensure their child’s safety, whether they’ve been born or not. Shit can go sideways fast.

I understand the appointments are a lot and sometimes are kind of a waste of time (had a couple of midwife ones where not much was discussed or done especially early on)- but surely you can see why people may find your approach a bit off when your argument is basically ‘what about me? What if I don’t want to go to a 30 min appointment every month? Or I don’t want to pee in a cup or do a blood test?’ These are the only things I can really think of beside blood pressure, fundal measurements and scans (and glucose test?) that are regularly done in pregnancy. None particularly traumatic or worth avoiding antenatal care for.

It’s really not a big ask to ensure the life you’re growing is being monitored and kept safe as possible - and your own safety too. When I was pregnant I was grateful for every check-in and went to even the most pointless of appointments because it wasn’t all about me, I had a responsibility to do right by my son too. Just go to them and treat yourself for a nice lunch after, that’s what I did to unwind after.

Low lying placentas generally aren’t identified until the 20 week scan, it just wouldn’t be evident at 12 weeks. The appointment schedule is evidence based, that it’s unlikely for a low risk multip for a problem to arise before 28 weeks. As pregnancy progresses the risks are higher so appointments increase.

OP is loving this attention, that's why 33 pages of thread in, she's still being an absolute narcissist tool.

Don't feed the troll.

Yes but accepting all available appointments and scans will at least in some way ensure you did your best and you don't have guilt if the worst happens.

Do you think just staying away from appointments and not having simple checks done is a safer alternative? I know maternity care can be awful, but what is so bad about attending a few outpatient appointments?

I was pregnant Jan - Sep 2020 and also had every single ante natal appointment. Gestational diabetes was also picked up.

I also had scans every 2 weeks from 30 weeks due to GD.

This was my second baby and I didn't have GD the first time round.

No idea why that poster thinks no one had urine or BP checked during covid.

She hasn’t actually mentioned any “legitimate “ concerns though.

OP, I massively sympathise with you, and really don't understand the responses you have had on here at all from other posters, especially the nastiness...

Simply put, the whole antenatal rigmarole is geared towards being highly medicalised, when (and this may be controversial to some) pregnancy and birth is a very natural process which we are made to go through (obviously caveating that not all women can). The way that healthcare professionals in the UK largely treat pregnancy and birth like you're moments away from intervention is highly off-putting and so detrimental for our collective understanding that the process is a natural one.

I've experienced the coercion and harassment that you're mentioned. Everything we are told and instructed to do feels like is geared towards the worst possible outcome i.e. everything that might or could go wrong. I've never experienced this kind of attitude when in medical care other than during my pregnancies so agree it feels very off-putting.

My suggestion is that you look into getting a doula or a private midwife who can accompany you to NHS appointments. It gives a more balanced view of the process because you have someone equally as knowledgeable and experienced who has your back and won't let you be bulldozed by guidelines/policy/red tape.

Katharine Graves is a great person to look up too for the wisdom that she shares on the topic https://www.kghypnobirthing.com/.

Finally, of course you should be treated like a person, this is about you. Yes your baby is important but you don't become less so because you are having a baby. Antenatal care providers do this every day, but for us it's once, twice, three times in our lifetimes so of course we need a bit more TLC about the experience, rather than being treated like a cog in a wheel.

💐