Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

The one thing we all have in common is that we have been pregnant, so we have all walked a mile in her shoes! The one thing we don't have is that the vast majority of us prioritised the health and safety of our babies over everything.

And yes, I will always be judgy when a parent is guilty of neglect. I don't care what her situation is. I can never condone her cavalier and uncaring attitude to her unborn child. Compassion, my eye. Where is her compassion for her child?!!

Bullshit. Any of us who got pregnant again did it in the safest way possible, taking NHS guidance and advice into account. We didn't just decide to go rogue!

Pre-eclampsia can progress to eclampsia and kill you and/or the baby and you may not even realise it's happening. That's why they check your urine for protein.
You are being negligent towards yourself and the baby.
Next you will be posting that you're free birthing.

@Playingintheshadow Well personally I just had sex?

I think unless you had it with the other pregnancies as long as same father there is little to no risk of pre eclampsia could be wrong though.

Sorry if it's already been mentioned but what actually happened to cause you to want to decline care.
Because I would think that the best course of action would be to request a change in midwives and hospital, even if they are out of area, rather than cease attending appointments completely.

She did, but she was foolish too, though I don't think it impacted on what happened to my little brother. She had already had 3 babies and she was still in her mid 20s, so she didn't go to her GP until she was 7 months pregnant. The baby was over 10lbs they reckoned (they never weighed him as he was rushed by ambulance to a specialist paed unit over an hour away and had to be resucitated more than once on the way there). She was in labour and was given an injection to stop it. Barbaric. When she was pregnant with my youngest sister after my little brother died, we all had German measles, which she hadn't had. The stupid GP (though he was a gentleman in every other way!) gave her the vaccination in two doses!!

Things like that make me so bloody mad like this post where the OP has the privilege of choice, experience and decent healthcare, and rejects it!

My mum had had 5 of us by the time she was 28. She would be turning 81 soon only we lost her when she was 62. Lovely to hear from you x

Well personally I availed of all the healthcare and support available to ensure I had healthy babies. Sex was the fucking least of it!

Agreed. Myself, sitting in my doctor's office my blood pressure was stroke level. I felt perfectly fine. I nearly died and my daughter was in fetal stress. After she was born my blood pressure and heart rate was off the charts. I very much wanted more then one child. My doctor said don't do this again you won't make it. So guess what I never did it again and was viligiant about not getting pregnant again.

Seriously weird order of priorities when you're happy to pay for private scans/healthcare but you're living in 2 up 2 down property already relying on handouts.

I have not read all the response - OP I think you need to be careful - a failure to engage can result in a referral to social services and can lead to your unborn child being put on a child protection plan.

@Playingintheshadow Healthy babies is not something you can "ensure". Very insulting to those of us who have lost babies tbh.

@AlwaysRight1985 "you're living in 2 up 2 down property already relying on handouts"

I can almost see you sneering as I read this.

It means that all mums who are concerned about SIDS will do their best to breastfeed for at least two months, and will be aware of the risks if they are unable to do so.

Your point was unfounded.

@Playingintheshadow In your opinion. The same poster who in essence said it was my fault I had a baby die.

I'd engage, I had a perfect pregnancy in Covid with baby one so very little guidance or intervention with NHS (their choice not mine).
Second tripped a weird genetic booby trap, gave me a rare and symptomless disease and then spent the first 12 weeks in and out of some of the most unpleasant children's wards imaginable. Whole ordeal only picked up via my blood tests, been told it was dumb luck baby was okay.
Please just do the basics OP. You may not need the four weekly midwife appointments but def turn up for the 20 week and maybe the 30 & 38 weeks and tell them you are planning a home birth. They'll be upset and you might have to have a little argue but if you have had medical care at least you look informed.
Spirit of bending the rules but not throwing them out the dishwater, so you're still not really engaging but you also sound less of a social care red flag.

I'm sorry to hear of your experience but I am sure your daughter will light up your lives just as much as any potential subsequent children xx

@LilFoxes I think this is brilliant advice.
I would also advocate homebirth.

The whole point of routine checks is to monitor the indications of change so that problems can be picked up before they have serious implications. By the time you feel symptoms that prompt you to seek assistance, the problem can have already caused harm to your baby which is why it’s better to have monitoring as you go.

For example, at a routine midwife appointment, they will check your urine for signs of protein, which may indicate the beginnings of pre-eclampsia. This would allow them to monitor you for any further indications and if you started to develop other signs, intervene before it became life-threatening to you and your baby. They will check your sugars to look for gestational diabetes. This isn’t related to type 1 and 2 so the fact you have no family history is entirely irrelevant, I’m afraid. You still have the same odds of developing GD. Fundal height measurements are taken as a way to plot fetal growth, which is done to identify growth restriction. If your baby is small for dates, it can indicate that there may be a problem with the placenta, for example, which they could offer extra scans for in case your baby was at risk. If you measured large for dates, it could be a sign of gestational diabetes, or of polyhydramnios which can lead to things like placental abruption or cord prolapse. The midwife will talk to you to ascertain your mental wellbeing, and would be able to help with perinatal mental health support if it was needed, to minimise the chances of postpartum depression or psychosis.

All of the monitoring and checks that are in place are designed to head any potentially serious problems off at the pass before you become seriously unwell so that the risks to your baby can be minimised. If you would seek help if you became unwell, then what is the harm of allowing the midwives to provide care before you get to that point so that your baby has the best possible chances of a good outcome?

if you don’t like a particular midwife you can request to see a different one, but it really would be better to see one. There isn’t always a huge window with maternal illness between “I feel a bit odd” and “I’m dying”.

I haven't seen that but I am so sad that you had a baby die. I had two miscarriages and that was hard but to lose a baby is just off the scale tragic x

@Playingintheshadow I'm sure you didn't mean it like this, but to say you had all checks and care to ensure healthy babies is a little insensitive?

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation I am going to head to bed now but I am still astounded by your choices. Did you refuse NHS care with your previous children? All of my friends and family, colleagues etc, basically everyone I know, took all the professional advice they got, because they just wanted to have a safe and healthy baby! If I'd been told they had to come out through my nose, I'd have said ok!

I just hope your little baby doesn't suffer because of your arrogant, intransigent attitude.

Why?

@Playingintheshadow Because the bast majority of mums who have lost also did everything in their power to keep their babies safe 😢 It's not something you can "ensure".