Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

@IVFmumoftwo Look at advice from AIMS. Kindly, you are somewhat naive.

@IVFmumoftwo
Vaginal examinations can be a source of infection, and the more times they are done, the more chances there are of causing an infection[3]. Unfortunately, anything that is put into the vagina – including a sterile speculum or gloved finger – will increase the risk of an infection whether or not the waters have broken, as doing so pushes germs up the vagina towards the uterus.
Additionally, a VE can cause the waters to be broken by mistake, which can then increase the risk of infection as well as sometimes causing contractions to become more difficult to cope with. In some cases, as we have heard many times on the AIMS helpline, midwives and doctors have accidentally or deliberately used a VE to break the waters despite the woman or person not having consented to having them broken.

Well newsflash, nobody has! What does that tell you?

That is seriously messed up.

That article is entirely horrifying.

@Grammarnut My very badly damaged vagina following unecessary forceps use would suggest otherwise.

What a devoted mother you are.

This isn’t about you vs your baby

Some of the risks being checked for would affect the mother just as much - like placenta praevia, if this is undetected the mother may haemorrage

A lot of insistence here that women should always prioritise the health and safety of their unborn child above choices they feel necessary for their own emotional safety.

The most common cause of death in babies under one in the UK is SIDS. According to the Lullaby Trust and the NHS breastfeeding for at least two months reduces the incidence of this by half. Does that make it reasonable to suggest that all women should breastfeed, and be made to feel selfish for not doing so? Of course not. Rein yourselves in.

She is a vessel, like it or not. We all are for our unborn children! They are a 'parasite' as I have heard them described, and most loving mothers put their baby's health and wellbeing above their own. They don't neglect to take care of them even in the womb! Not one person has told the OP that they have neglected basic healthcare, not one!

Wow.

I presume that was because your baby was in danger and needed to be out quick? I had the suction to get my daughter out due to heart rate dipping. My priority was the baby. Episiotomy didn't really matter at that point

That's not what this thread is about. It's about antenatal care.

@IVFmumoftwo No. Read my post. No fetal distress whatsoever.

Thanks. That's clear - and really horrid.
I had miscarriage at 12 weeks with bleeding severe enough to require an ambulance - besides, I could hardly stand up. I came-to in hospital with about six nurses round me and a doctor removing the fetus. Very painful. But I'm glad he did it (think it was a he - can't remember) because otherwise I would be dead, not from blood loss (and I needed a transfusion though I don't remember that either, just waking in a darkened room when a bag was being changed) but from septicaemia (the blood I was losing was black and viscous). Sometimes consent is impossible to get. I understand that what happened is now called 'obstetric violence' - I am just glad I lived.

@Playingintheshadow I was making a point re unecessary/potentially dangerous interventions and the right to decline them.

Going to be crude

@Youthiswastedontheyoung you had a dick inside you so what different do some gloves ones do? It helped save my baby when my labour developed in shoulder dystocia.

Please stop using your experience to encourage the OP into doing something dangerous.

@Grammarnut I'm so sorry. Of.course in cases such as yours consent would have been incredibly difficult to obtain.
In my case, however, informed consent was not obtained and at that point I was labouring safely, normally and naturally. So to break my waters was assault.

Nobody has!! They're not that entrenched in their views!

When I was pregnant at a group session ran by midwife. The midwife spoke about her experience of a midwife. She had worked for a while ina third world country.
She was explaining the difference in outlooks

Generally in the UK babies are the priority. Parents would want a living baby over everything else. Here CS and interventions are safe. Infection control and medical care is good. As a population We would prefer intervention and safe baby delivery.

In other places (where CS and infection are a bigger risk) they would prioritise the mother over a live birth. Logic being a woman can get pregnant again but a surgical intervention may be risky for a woman where infection risk is higher than UK.
In these places the woman likely has other children at home that are reliant on the mother. Therefore it is preferable there for the mother to live and the baby being still born is preferable to an incapacitated or dead mother.

Where people are struggle @Casuallydresseddeepinconversation is that our values in the UK priorities the child being born safe. In other developing counties baby being born alive is secondary to mother living.

You are entitled to refuse care but this may be seen as a red flag.

With or without care you and baby may be fine, with or without care you or baby may be at risk. No one can fully predict but statistically opting out of care is riskier than opting for care.

Whatevers you decide I wish you and your family well

@IVFmumoftwo See 'AIMS'.

Some supporters seem to believe their dumb luck was their own ‘good’ choices. It’s this antenatal care that reduced infant snd maternal death rates. Confirmation bias because taking a risk paid off is not ‘being a fierce mama bear and knowing best’.

Foetal medicine has come a long way, and scans can flag things even if it is a straightforward pregnancy and the mother is feeling fine. Can I ask what stressed you out at your 13 week scan? What is making you feel bullied and patronised?

Nah, what does it matter about the baby??

Well I hope you still take the same stance when this ends in disaster.