Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

My waters partially went around 36 hours before labour. NHS would have advised me to go as risk-averse. My mw monitored via temp and no issues.

I don't mind if you drink coffee. I drank wine (and drank tea and coffee and ate Brie) when I was pregnant with both my children - a couple of glasses a week, which was considered fine. Kids both fine, too.
I had a friend who went in for alternative care and unilaterally decided she would have her second baby at home with her husband and no midwife - so, to comply with the law, she called the midwife saying she was in labour but not until she was already in third stage. The child was born with the cord around its neck. Mercifully her husband was able to remove the cord just as the midwife arrived. They were bloody lucky not to be prosecuted but even luckier that they had a living child and a living mother.

I'm assuming all the people calling the OP selfish and saying she's not putting her baby first only have one child. I'm sure no one here sharing stories of their difficult pregnancies risked getting pregnant again. People wouldn't be so hypocritical to call someone else selfish when they themselves were willing to risk their life and leave their living child without a mother right? 🙄

You made this post originally seeking information from other mothers who had also chosen to refuse antenatal care.

From reading through some (admittedly not all) of the 600+ posts on this thread there do not seem to be any. Not one. Obviously, that's UK based mothers who are fortunate enough to be eligible for complete antenatal, birth and post natal care free of charge. I haven't seen any posts from mothers elsewhere in the world who've been forced into that situation due to poverty.

You've said yourself you can't afford private care. Although you've had 2 kids previously with no issues and currently feel physically well there is no guarantee this pregnancy will also progress to a successful outcome. It likely will but the risks are not insignificant, as many people with what seems to be considerable maternal health knowledge have patiently explained. You've then got the birth to factor in - increased maternal age = increased risk; if something goes awry and you need medical help the midwife/obstetrician will be working in the dark with zero background information. In that situation you really will have no bodily autonomy - it will be get it out, keep baby and mother alive if possible by any means necessary.

I'm not understanding why you feel checking out of the entire maternal care process gives you more control? Is it you've taken offence at being flagged as higher risk or requiring obstetrician led care? This is not aimed at you as a "less than" mother, it's just a clinical assessment of medical factors. If you are going to appointments you have opportunity to discuss any medical needs, plan birth and any contingency plans. Instead opting out is jumping into the sea with no life jacket.

I know some people have been a bit narky but it is just concern, not a pile on. Some of your responses show there are issues you either weren't aware of or hadn't considered. Please weigh all of these up and seriously consider your next steps (soon!😀).

I have not called her selfish. Stupid would be a better epithet.

Freebirth has so many risks. I don't get the appeal but maybe Im risk adverse.

I felt absolutely healthy and fine.

Until my blood pressure was dangerously high and signalled pre eclampsia which could have killed me and baby. Still felt fine.

Until my blood sugars were sky high indicating I had gestational diabetes which again could have been devastating. Still felt fine.

Scans wouldn't have picked those up. That was routine midwife checks.

Your poor baby is being neglected before it's even born.

I don't think the OP is selfish, so don't get me wrong here.
But your argument is ridiculous

I doubt the women whose babies died at the hospital in Salisbury (I think) which went in for natural childbirth at all costs, would agree with you.

Yes, the average age of marriage and first child was very much lower back then. I'd had both ours before I was 25. It was so sad for your mother to lose her baby son and I'm not surprised your parents opted for private antenatal care after that. But I bet she went to all her appointments and had all the tests and check-ups offered to her. I know I did. She and I were born before the NHS was set up and we were brought up by parents who were so grateful for its existence and the care we received.

You are right to be risk averse as far as childbirth goes!

Yeah then people who risk having a second child are stupid too. You aren't any smarter or better than her just because you have decided her level of risk is not acceptable for you.

That's a matter of opinion.
There can and should be a balance between medical intervention and natrual birth.
This arguement is not new and it is not necessary to be so black and white with it.

It's not though. Everyone measures risk differently. Just because your level of risk is different to someone else's it doesn't make you right.

Many of you are forgetting that every intervention also carries risk.
A (foolish) student NHS midwife left on her own decided to break my waters without informed consent. They needed the room I was labouring in as they were very busy that particular evening. I very nearly lost my baby as he went into shock due to her actions.

Did you nearly lose your baby because your waters were broken without your consent, or did you nearly lose your baby because it needed to be delivered quickly, so your waters were broken without your consent?

I had a sweep without consent. Homebirth midwives are genuinely excellent I will say I was so incredibly lucky to have one on the labour ward. She saved me from so much doctor interference

While it's important to question interventions, it's just very difficult to post positively about this. No one has presented any reasons to decline routine antenatal checks as opposed to interventions - the OP isn't going to be having VEs in the second trimester. OP obviously doesn't want to share her reasons with us, but it makes it really difficult to respond to the issues.

If I had had a free birth my baby would have died in the same way as that one in America did. Completely stupid.

And makes no sense! How is someone accepting appropriate care placing themselves at risk?

Yeah she lost me!

They use gloves. 🙄

@Grammarnut No - he did not need to be delivered quickly at all. I have always taken ages in all three labours, and this one was just plodding along nicely at its natural pace. All was well. But they need the room so student mw broke my waters and all hell broke lose.
Also, consent should always be given (unless patient unconscious). Otherwise it is assault.

@IVFmumoftwo And you honestly think that takes away all risk?!!! Seriously?!!

I hope it isn't my kid you are teaching. 🫣