Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

What expertise do you have???!

And your baby bears the brunt of your decisions!

You don't sound well tbh. Refusing reasonable care to the potential detriment of your baby. Your probably flagging yourself to social services. Perhaps your head isn't quite in the place you think it is. How old are your other children? Is there potentially undiagnosed pnd from previous pregnancies that is skewing your view?

They were trying to talk some fucking sense into you!

To the poster who said nobody was checking BP and Urine during Covid.... yes they were. I had every single antenatal appt a first time parent should have been offered during their first pregnancy.
And I fell pregnant April 2020!

Have to say midwives and my GP have been very caring towards me. They always ask me how I feel and make me feel relaxed and informed. Maybe it is different depending on the person you get. Never felt I was coerced into anything. I get very nervous with BP tests and they try to relax me.

But there is nothing caring about private scans. They are happy to have your money. I had two private scans at the start of my pregnancy, it was very neutral care, nothing special.

Public services are far from perfect, but we've come a long way from the days when stillbirth and cot deaths were common.

This is such a weird an unusual stance to take. Why are you prioritising yourself?

Could you explain in more detail what exactly your issue is with midwife appointments OP? In some of your posts it sounds like this baby is an inconvenience. Just because you looked after your older DC doesn't mean you'll care for this baby in the same way, you had midwife appointments for your previous DC, so being a good parent to them doesn't mean your response to this baby will not be concerning to SS.

Allowing medical professionals to do their job is not quite the same as “allowing anyone to do anything to my body”

That is as may be, but most expectant mothers put their baby first. It's pretty unusual for mother to put their priorities ahead of that of their unborn baby!

Again, OP, stop being so vague and cryptic and just say what exactly you oppose and then people can actually advise you.

I also had checks done with midwife during covid. Weekly for BP when it was high, and weekly blood tests for some of my pregnancy too. 'Some HCP didn't provide adequate care to babies during covid, so why should I care about my baby' seems a very strange response.

I don’t know how it works in the UK but could you request to see someone else other than a midwife? Would that make it any easier for you? I personally found my midwife appointments stressful and overwhelming. I felt I had very little autonomy like you. I found the post birth care difficult too and even two years on I feel unhappy with some elements of my midwife care. Wishing you the best of luck. Could you afford any private care? Some would be better than none. X

@waterfalls123 Mine were not. Baby horn (homebirth May 2000, private IM). I got one phone call from an NHS mw. I asked her how she could measure my BP and urine over the phone. A concern, especially at 39, a history of multiple miscarriage, and ketones previously in urine). Glucose never measured.

Cause I'm looking after my existing children,because I'm the one carrying this baby and who will be giving birth to it, why shouldn't i be a priority

The majority of people aren't offering her advice. They're giving her criticism. That is not what she asked for. And no she is not a vessel. She is a pregnant woman who can go to a clinic next week and end that pregnancy if she so wishes and social services and medics won't care. Their job is to treat people's medical conditions. The condition being pregnancy.

I was scanned every 4 weeks, then every two weeks and every week as my pregnancies advanced. I did pay for private antenatal care though. It was worth every penny.

Did you just come on here to start arguing?

Well actually, yes, if it’s for the well being of your child.

How very arrogant and yet naive. FFS get your baby checked properly at the appts that are offered to you. Utterly ridiculous. I despair of some people really I do. So cavalier and just really don’t deserve to be in the privileged position they are in. Poor baby.

The tests you will be offered are to monitor your health as well as the baby‘s.

What exactly do you disagree with? Other than not having autonomy - because you do have to consent to the tests. No one is allowed to just jab a needle in your arm if you’ve told them no. They’d lose their license!

@Playingintheshadow Research and common sense. Sticking fingers into a vagina can cause infection. And for what aim? To tell you how far dilated you are? Why does anyone need to know that?
In Covid I was told for my husband to be able to attend the birth I had to have someone else's fingers inserted into my vagina. No thanks.

No I came for advice,which I'm not getting, I'm getting alot of hostility and criticism, no one is trying to.ansert my original post so I'm just reacting to things others are saying

I had 2 normal, healthy pregnancies. At my 20 week scan with baby no.3 abnormalities were picked up that wouldn't have been visible at the 12 week scan. I had to have monthly scans with fetal medicine, and I was induced in a hospital equipped to deal with my baby, close to GOSH so my baby could go there for surgery. Just because you've had 2 healthy pregnancies, don't assume subsequent ones will be the same. Some of my appointments weren't the greatest, but they all ensured I was well informed and that the medical team had a plan of action to follow.

When I was pregnant, a routine scan showed up a medical problem of mine that I was not aware of. I felt fine, had no symptoms and yet a uterine scan revealed that I have a heart abnormality that required monitoring and trearment. It didn't affect the baby, but it meant I was given more attention during labour, a dedicated anaesthetist, more monitoring equipment in the room, and I had a meeting with the cardiac team to ensure that they were prepared to manage my condition when I went into labour.

I don't know what happened in your first scan and you're at liberty not to say, but I wanted to reassure you that the midwives, sonographers and cardiac team were focused on me when this came to light.

I also had private scans (all my babies hate being scanned and I wanted better pictures) and I mentioned it to that sonographer (also a pro, according to the blurb) but she said they wouldn't check uterine blood flow and she had no insight other than to say I was lucky it had been picked up and thank god for the NHS!

I undersrtand the feeling of being prodded and poked (I also had symptom free gestational diabetes, so more prodding and poking than most!) but you and the baby could both benefit from a check up if you can face it.