Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

Can you homebirth, OP?

Also it's not necessarily a safeguarding concern if someone is making an informed choice to decline antenatal care

Anecdotally my youngest who was scanned every week from 4 to 11 weeks is right-handed, while my eldest who had far fewer scans is left-handed, the same as her dad and her grandad! What a load of shit!

Well they aren't getting any attention so what a weird thing to say

It's more the reasons for your decisions that seem to selfish imo. It sounds like you are refusing scans not because you think that's in your baby's best interests, but because you think it's in your best interests. Basically, you're putting your needs above the needs of your child.

A medical check up is annoying, sure, but is over in 15 minutes. I don't understand why you can't just put up with a short inconvenience for the benefit of your baby?

@Playingintheshadow That means nothing! You're a sample size of 1!!!!!!!

I will share my personal story. When I got pregnant I was in the best shape of my life - would run half marathons, eat heathy, took pre-conception vitamins etc. I rarely get sick. We were very fortunate to conceive quickly so I thought I was in for a smooth journey.

from early one started to have very high blood pressure, that only got worse as pregnancy progressed. I had ZERO symptoms but this led to close monitoring. Had several extra scans through the NHS and private to ensure arteries and placenta were working fine - all looking good with the baby each time.

at 38 weeks my blood pressure was so high that pregnancy was becoming too risky, so I accepted an induction. Had a great birth and thought all was good in the end! A few hours later my baby started to show signs of distress and had to be rushed to neonatal unit - he was diagnosed with 2 congenital defects that are almost impossible to spot during scans and had surgery shortly after.

very kindly op, it’s not worth the risk. We always think these things don’t happen to us, until one day they do.

But the 'informed choice' is that professionals are too focused on the baby...

So all this angst is over something that hasn’t even happened yet and may never??

To be fair I had forceps and a blood transfusion and probably more procedures without my explicit consent… but glad I did otherwise wouldn’t be alive!

It doesn't sound like OP is making an informed decision though given that she was surprised conditions like pre-eclampsia can present without symptoms.

Maybe not, however, maternity care is awful in the UK

Not really as it's about taking responsibility and care for the baby too. It doesn't mean social services will take your baby away and that the mother can't look after the baby, but it's a red flag regardless. It can also be a red flag of abuse towards the mother.

Well your unborn baby is, so you can't be surprised if people are up in arms about your neglect.

I literally said I didn't say i wasn't having it🙄

I haven't read the full thread so someone may have already shared it but if you are considering private scans instead of NHS it might be worth reading this article about concerns about private scan companies. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-54527595

🤣🤣 what are you on you have no idea about how I care for my babies, my babies are never left to cry,my last baby was always in the sling, I practice extended breastfeeding and we co sleep etc so no your comment about me not feeding my crying babies is way off the mark

When you are pregnant, you actually are a "walking incubator" whether you like it or not!!

What on earth have people done to your body that you so object to? What's happened? Just say it.

Er, what? Aren't you the one stopping the medical professionals from paying attention to your baby? So that really doesn't help your argument.

I'm going to leave this thread now. I don't think anything I write would help to change your mind and I think I'm getting overly invested. I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly, OP, and that you have better experiences with doctors/nurses going forward.

I’d say “on your head be it”, but it won’t be on yours, it’ll be on your baby’s.

I think you should just pay for a private scan if you feel this way about the NHS.

Have you talked to anyone about your problems with the care you've received so far? I think it's pretty unusual to decline midwife care when offered which is why I wondered if you've looked to talk through your concerns. Although I get the impression raising stuff with PALS or talking to a therapist wouldn't be something you'd want to consider. I could be wrong.

You probably know this already but if you choose private healthcare during pregnancy and childbirth you usually get transferred to NHS care if something goes wrong/in an emergency.

It's definitely very much NOT true that no symptoms = no illness or problems. Not everything is down to family history.

Most pregnant women take up antenatal care that's offered because they way up the pros and cons and the pros outweigh the cons. Obviously this is not the case for you and you haven't really given much clue as to why

Please reconsider OP, I’m very healthy and was considered a low risk pregnancy but I had to deliver my daughter at 32 weeks due to complications.

My 12 and 20 week scans were fine, but a routine midwife appointment at around 25 weeks found my blood pressure was high (I was really surprised, I had no symptoms and as mentioned above, I’m very healthy!) The midwife referred me for a growth scan which picked up abnormal placental blood flow and a very small baby.

I understand you may have had issues with medical care in the past but is there someone you can speak with about this? The antenatal appointments and checks are so important, it’s unlikely my baby would have survived if the growth issues were not detected and I carried her to term. It’s also possible I wouldn’t have survived as at one point my blood pressure was so high I was admitted to the high-dependency unit for continuous monitoring (it was so high I was at risk of a stroke/heart attack but again had no symptoms; the doctors/midwives said it was unusual but can happen.)

I know you also said your first two pregnancies were normal but that unfortunately doesn’t mean all subsequent pregnancies will be ok (a friend of mind had a dream first pregnancy but placental issues leading to premature baby in her second pregnancy)

This ^.

I’m sure most people working in NHS maternity care will tell you how poorly resourced it is.

It’s perfectly possible for anyone to research CQC judgements on maternity care: https://www.cqc.org.uk/press-release/action-needed-now-prevent-harm-maternity-services-becoming-normalised.

OP has concerns about the quality of her care and is seeking information.

She shouldn’t be patronised about not making informed choices when she has legitimate concerns, as does the regulator.

Thats not something I've ever said you're making stuff up now

My cousin in NZ had a baby last year. Healthy, younger than you, slim, no history of diabetes or high BP.

She was admitted as an emergency in week 35 with pre-eclampsia and induced, needed a section in the end, and developed full blown eclampsia.

Fortunately she was being thoroughly monitored because she and her DH had IVF.

Don't take the risk - for your baby's sake.