Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

I hope you don’t have complications, but if you have avoidable issues that are not picked up (there are so many more things that can be assessed than just checking they have 2 eyes and a brain) then I really hope you don’t point fingers and sue the NHS, and instead look at yourself.

But for all we know, that’s what OP is against 🤷‍♀️ can’t really comment unless we know what the problem is.

Exactly but look at the reactions when you think about declining any of them

I absolutely love this response by the other poster.. it's informative, calm and measured. It's clear to me that the OP does care about her and her babies health, but has had previously bad experiences relating to care and doesn't fully understand the point of all the appointments or the timing of them at various pregnancy stages. It sounds to me like she is primarily questioning them/wants to understand the point of them.
Pregnant mothers shouldn't just feel as though they are anonymous bodies on the NHS treadmill. They should be informed of the reasons behind each appointment and be able to discuss them and then make their own decisions.

You need to think about the baby here. Sorry time to not be selfish now.

I hope you like social workers then.

How is declining midwife appts attention seeking surelynits actually the opposite, I havent been forced into anything yet but when I cancelled my midwife appt I've had 2 lengthy conversations trying to get me to change my mind,I've been given the information by the professional and I should be allowed to make my own decisions as a fully competent adult

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-54527595.amp Saw this news article the other day I know it’s a few years old but still. I don’t know what makes you so determined that private care is better.. it’s not as if private staff have any additional training etc .

If you attended A&E with your leg hanging off it wouldn’t be compulsory to accept the treatment they offered but everyone there would question why you’re declining and advising you to accept the medical treatments.

But this also involves a baby and they need you, their mother, to consent for them to make sure they are as healthy as possible.

If it’s just routine antenatal care you’re declining it’s all very non-invasive at this point.

You seem very defensive and argumentative without wanting to give any further details. Are you just wanting a debate? Or are you genuinely traumatised by something that happened recently with your midwife? You can request a different midwife

You've had a bad experience at recent appointments. It sounds like next appointment is a few weeks or more away then 10 weeks after that for the following one. Take some time, don't decline anything now as you may want the appointment later. Even if you don't really want it you might be more inclined to go anyway just incase it is useful.

The 20-week scan is particularly important as it can detect problems with the baby that were not apparent at 12 weeks. Forewarned is forearmed in terms of addressing any issues found and preparing for the birth.

Neither are STI tests but I would still hope someone gets tested for them if they think there’s a chance they may have got one.

It does represent a balanced group of women. Some of us had straightforward pregnancies and births with no issues, some of us would have died without intervention .

Some of us had lovely caring staff and other had shit uncaring rude and lazy staff.

But we all put up with antenatal care, to reduce the risk of dying and leaving our other kids without a mother . Or our babies dying or being born with a Serious lifelong disability. Yes there are no guarantees on the latter but id rather reduce the odds .

And yes of course , pregnant women shouldn’t have to make such a choice but thats where we are with the goood old NHS. It’s very far from perfect but it’s better than nothing.

Now you may be in the privileged position of having a wonderful partner and family who have the time and plenty money to bring up your other kids if you died for your beliefs / choices. . But i didn’t. So i put up with it.

All scans do have some effect on baby in themselves. I would not want any additional or private scans due to that. For example, research has shown babies receiving a higher level of scanning are more likely to be left-handed which suggests some brain effect.

Its very interesting to see so many posters triggered and jumping on OP instead of understanding that she doesnt feel well treated by midwives/doctors.

What happened at your initial scan that it took 3 hours? You talk about how you were treated, what actually happened? It might help us if we have some context, but it's odd to go from normal antenatal care to none. Also it's hugely putting both of you at risk.

You say that you matter too - absolutely you do. If the worst happened and the baby died because you didn't get appropriate care, or you spend the rest of your life caring for and looking into the eyes of a child disabled by your actions, you'd have to live with yourself. That's an almost intolerable burden you are choosing to risk putting on yourself.

Finding this thread so sad-

And I've not said I'm not having it

Nobody on this site cares about anyone else, because we don't know each other, and we will never know the outcome. We will have forgotten this post right from the last time we posted on it.

However, it is still possible to offer objectively good advice, because the OP's intentions for managing her pregnancy are off the scale neglectful.

The thing is, in pregnancy, you actually are a 'vessel'! It is your body that nurtures and grows this new little human. And you owe it to them to take the best care of them you can while they are in your body, and thereafter.

So when your baby is born op, and you're knackered and want to sleep and baby is screaming for food... are you going to keep stamping your foot and pouting 'me!!! What about me?!!'

Well that is a foolish and reckless decision with no rational reason behind it. I feel sorry for the unborn child that you are treating in such a cavalier and selfihs manner.

Hi OP,

You might find the AIMS and BirthRights websites helpful.

https://www.aims.org.uk/information/item/freebirth

https://birthrights.org.uk/factsheets/

I'm sorry you feel this way, but I do think you need to suck it up for the sake of your unborn child. You don't know what's going on in there if you don't attend these appointments, and I would hate for you to have a bad outcome because of something preventable.

Maybe you have had a bad experience with the NHS that makes you feel this level of resentment towards it. Ultimately it is your choice, but it is a safeguarding ref for women who repeatedly don't engage with their antenatal care.

If you are wanting a home birth there should be a team of midwives that you can work with to enable this from your maternity unit. Generally speaking home birth midwives tend to be more anti the over medicalisation of pregnancy and birth so would probably understand and respect your feelings more than you may think.

I was very fit during both my pregnancies. Never ailed a thing.As soon as I went into labour everything went wrong.Both my now grown up children had to be born by very emergency c section as I had developed life threatening complications both times.We are all lucky to be here, as both my babies had to be resuscitated at birth and I was very ill myself.