Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

I sort of get your point actually OP (and I didn't think that I would). The scans are spaced weeks apart and then you're not rescanned for the rest of your pregnancy. If you developed something like gestational diabetes, you may well notice symptoms, similarly with other conditions. So I can see why you might feel as though they are a bit pointless and feel badgered by them. You also have the confidence of having had 2 previous pregnancies which went ok. Midwives and medical staff can be a bit bossy and it can come across as lecturing. That adds to the stress and the want to avoid them.

Personally, i don't understand your logic in going private though at some point.
I would google how important the 20 week scan is and what conditions it picks up (and what conditions it doesn't). I think that it's worth having a read up to consider the risks and reassurance that it could bring properly (i.e. why they consider it important to scan at 20 weeks yet not at 30 weeks etc). There will be reasons, but if you don't understand them, then they are more likely to feel more meaningless.
You could possibly decide to skip some of the other midwife appointments later on (again, if you considered some of them to be overkill) and could ask which are the most important ones to attend. I do think that you need to give this a little more thought though. I know that hospitals can be unpleasant stressful places. Perhaps you could see what accomodations they can make for you? I.e. see you for the first scan of the day so that your appointment is less likely to be delayed and the time spent there is minimised. I do think that it would be foolhardy to not have any further checks, just in case something did go by undetected though.

But the baby's health matters MORE

No, it doesn’t. That’s a trope used to coerce maternal compliance. In obstetric emergencies where it’s one or the other, saving the mother is prioritised.

Well as evidenced by the views in this post the only thing that matters is the baby, that I.shouldnt have a view on procedures being done to me cause all that matters is the baby,I'm sure if my existing children had to choose between me and the baby they'd choose me as they value me as a person in my own right not just something sustaining a pregnancy

Best practice according to who lol
In France waiting till 43 weeks if you're low risk is acceptable
Here it's 42 if you're low risk,
It was 41 for me, simply because of 1 risk factor, in another country that might not have been a risk factor.
Anyways, considering things carefully is wise
Trusting the nhs blindly is unwise. It's ok to do your own research.

This is so annoying. It's very frustrating. You don't know everything and people are just trying to care for you. You don't know everything.... you can magically see inside of you. But a scan can, you can be looked after and cared for. No one is bullying you. You need to work on yourself

But it would be nice if they cared about me and the impact on me, or on what I wanted and what im comfortable with

You're sounding more and more selfish, OP. "But what about ME?!"

Either 1) the medical professionals did something horrendous, in which case demand a different doctor instead of refusing any care at all. Or 2) the doctors didn't pander to your ego, in which case get over yourself.

This thread is making me feel very sad. Why so much patronisation and personal attack? Why so many assumptions?

Please remember that @Casuallydresseddeepinconversation is pregnant and naturally feeling emotional. She’s an apparently intelligent woman who’s given birth twice before and has valid concerns about the quality of care offered to her.

She’s interested in others’ perspectives and experiences and should expect constructive comments, respect and kindness.

The twenty week scan is to ensure that your baby is growing properly and if an abnormality is found they can discuss options. They can also find out if anything is incompatible with life. Surely you would want to be prepared for all eventualities?

What makes you think scans are what determines if something is deteriorating? Far from it. The checkups for YOU help to prevent bad things happening to your baby, and you of course. Lots of care pathways in lots of countries don't have scans after 20 weeks. That's not the point. Many signs and symptoms can be spotted in the mother and acted upon. Do you get that?

The well being of me and my existing children are worth something too no?

I also had no symptoms in either pregnancy. No family history of it, healthy bmi, exercised before and right through my pregnancies, eat healthy. It's niave to think you definitely would know you would have diabetes.

Why get pregnant if you can't afford private but are anti NHS? You shouldn't get pregnant then as it is such a high risk thing to be pregnant.

Again, give specifics or else no one can really comment much of any value, hence the increasingly —hysterical— passionate responses.

From what you’ve said it does sound like you chose to have this baby though, so at that point you opt in to care for it fully ?

Op, what don't you feel comfortable with? What has happened that has made you feel like this?

You’d swear midwives and doctors were all evil people determined to make your life a misery the way you are going on. They are just human beings doing their job. Perhaps you have had a terrible experience to be thinking like this and I’m sorry if that is the case. These aren’t normal thoughts.
“Do anything they want to my body “
Eh.. like a few vital sign checks and measurements, asking how you are and checking urine sample .. what’s the big deal about doing that ?

Could you choose /ask to have a different midwife?
I know its really upleasant when a nurse or a doctor are patronising or pressuring you into something you dont want. Sorry you had such experience.

Yep and in Japan you go to 39 weeks before they start intervening!

Jealous of what 🤣

So exactly how is your well-being and that of your existing children being put at risk? What did the doctors do to you that's so dreadful?

I can believe that there are terrible doctors out there. I'm sorry if you had the misfortune to be treated by one. But that's no reason to be skeptical of the NHS, pregnancy scans, and evidence-based medicine in general.

I say this with concern not criticism, but the more you post, the more it comes across like you really don't want to be pregnant again full stop.

I have empathy for how you might be feeling OP. I have a fairly severe phobia of medical professionals (due to lots of past traumatic health issues). This is a me issue not the NHS, who have done loads for me!

When I was pregnant with my second, I had four weekly scans and consultant appointments. I tried to skip one of the standard additional midwifery appointments as I felt I was seeing them all enough, it will get flagged and you will be contacted.

Anyway, I feel that you just need to find a way to deal with it, as hard as it might be for you. The appointments, in my experience, take like 15 minutes and they might well flag something up that you weren’t aware of.

Good luck with your pregnancy x

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation - as well as a BP machine and blood glucose testing machine, you could also but urinalysis strips, to check your urine for sugar and protein - sugar might indicate gestational diabetes, and protein might indicate pre-eclampsia.

That your unborn child is getting more attention than you are. Strange, yes, but so are your replies throughout this thread.