Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

Well that's all you can do really, you assume all is fine for the 8+weeks you have to wait till your next scan,then if nothing is found at the 20 week scan you used to be left until giving birth on the assumption all was fine and no further scans were done, they've now implemented a later growth scan but u still have to assume all is fine based on the findings of the 20 week scan till u have the next one, if risks were so great of things suddenly deteriorating then everyone would be scanned weekly just in case, that doesn't happen

"But it's OK to be coerced by medical professionals? "

They probably really care about your baby and are trying to help, trying their best to get you to see how important checking on the baby is.

It seems a bit unusual to talk about your body autonomy after a couple of antenatal appoinments. Did something bad/unexpected happen? If not (and you just mean being measured and weighed, scanned etc) is it a bit precious to bring in your body autonomy? By all means you, presumably, can opt out but, unless there's some kind of incident/abuse, I have no clue why you would turn doen free healthcare for your unborn child. It's an odd reaction. Nonone LIKES being prodded/poked etc but it's the baby's health.

In fact this is the essence of motherhood. Yes, you do matter. You matter A LOT as generally, when it comes down to it, the wellbeing of your offspring comes down to you alone.
Yes, you have to do things you don’t want to as a parent. All the time. Constantly. Even before they’re born. Every mother is doing that every day.

Slightly different scenario but I ended up declining antenatal care in the last few days of my pregnancy.

I turned up 3 days in a row at the antenatal unit for appointment times of 9am and 11am and was still sat on a chair, having eaten nothing and had very little to drink, when I informed the staff at 2.30pm both days that I had to leave to pick up my older DC from school. They were very hostile to me for leaving, but unfortunately my then 5yo, although very capable in the opinion of his biased mother, was not able to walk home from school alone through a dark underpass and crossing 2 A roads even had I given him a set of house keys. Such was my failure as a parent! With the staff in the unit seemingly unable to understand this - "But there's just two before you on the list, you'll be seen soon!" - I just walked out, didn't go back, changed hospitals and ignored the pressure on me from various quarters to schedule a "just in case" induction. I presented at the new hospital in labour and it was a fairly quick and straightforward birth. Personally I just wanted to spend the last few days of my pregnancy in peace, warmth and comfort enjoying time with my older child and the "care" (or lack of care) that I was receiving was so woeful that I didn't really feel it would make much difference anyway. But then I wasn't "high-high" risk or I probably would have done things differently. It was more that there were a couple of warning signs and everyone I spoke to had different ideas of what should be done but I wasn't high-risk enough to be prioritised in any way so they were content to stick me in a corner for three days in a row waiting to be seen, despite being heavily pregnant.

These are not the feelings of someone who is happy about being pregnant.

My first baby was born at 37 weeks weighing under the 1st centile. I was induced because his growth was slowing and he likely wouldn’t have made it to full term. If I hadn’t attended midwife appointments where they checked fundal measurements, it wouldn’t have been picked up - his movements were always fine so I had no idea myself that there was an issue. Just one example of a potentially fatal issue that was only picked up through attending antenatal checks.

You seem to think you’ll have some innate ability to sense issues after your 20 week scan - that just isn’t the case.

Actually, in terms of pregnancy scans, private clinics are not regulated and the clinicians are not always even trained sonographers, etc - anyone can plug in a machine and take a short ‘course’ around how to operate it and how a fetus can present.

This does not mean they are trained to identify issues.

And even if they did, they would simply refer you to your midwife/hospital.

I went for a private cervical length scan they measured at 55mm, went to my NHS appt 27mm. Vast difference apparently private scan clinics don't follow NHS guidance for measurements etc . I showed the NHS my private scan , they measured completely different . Which is dangerous really

I knew someone who did the same and SS had her on a watch list because of it.

Our friend found out they lost their baby after being referred for an emergency scan at the midwife appointment. I’m not sure how far along she was but baby wasn’t big enough to feel regular movements yet. They monitor you for a reason throughout pregnancy.

Another friend of mine had preeclampsia and found out at 36 weeks, because of the screening at her midwife appointment.

This is probably because of the adverse outcomes they see. They know what can go wrong so they'll always err on the side of caution. Please put feeling coerced aside and do what is best for your baby, and for you as these screenings can pick up pre-eclampsia. It really isn't worth the risk, however small that risk is. Everyone is trying to tell you on this thread, please listen to them.

Exactly seems to only be important when they decide, otherwise they leave u till almost 20weeks with no contact,then ok we'll see you in another 10,we'll then urine and BP tests can't needing to be done that often then if they are happy to leave it when it suits them

Sounds like you want it to be all about you that crown dropped when you became pregnant your going to be a mother.
Appointments are for the baby and you mostly the baby.
Sorry to put it bluntly but do grow up.

So I should just allow anyone to do anythjng they want to my body because I'm pregnant? OK then

Well if the 'anything' is making sure your baby is ok then yes!

Dont be ridiculous but actually acknowledging I'm a person would be nice rather than expecting to sit there and have things done to me without me consent, where do u draw the line

I had our first baby in 1968, so not very long after your mum had you. No scans of course, but as far as I can remember it was monthly check-ups from 3 months to 7 months, fortnightly for the 8th month and weekly for the 9th. When I went for a check-up 3 weeks before my due date, the midwife was unhappy with my puffy ankles and called in the doctor who asked if there as anyone at home to look after me, because he wanted me to have as much bed rest as possible. My husband was working away, so I was told to go home, pack a bag and come back to be admitted for rest and monitoring until the baby was born. I was very well looked-after. Incidentally I was only 22 and fit as a flea until then.

Your going to be a mother stop acting like a child your having a baby checks need doing even if you feel great this is not all about you anymore.

This whole midwife coersion tihng - what did they coerce you to do? if you are not in agreement with your birth plan (or whatever else) you could just insist (within NHS guidelines I guess) on what you want. They have experience, but if you are very sure you do/don't want certain things - could you just verbalise it more clearly, perhaps writing it down before apps?

You sound jealous of your own unborn baby.
I dont have kids but even i know you have to keep a check on things.

Can you give examples of what they did to you without your consent? A lot of outrage on this thread could probably be avoided if you actually gave specifics. You do have to do things you don’t want to though as a parent. However, for example, declining a sweep is very ordinary.

She wont need to give consent when social services get involved.

None of these tests are compulsory!

I’m not sure if there are different protocols in different areas but I was recently pregnant (currently 5 months postpartum) and myself and other women in my antenatal group all had fairly regular urine checks, BP checks, and blood tests. I was always asked first though and had to consent. Nothing major just a quick ‘do you mind popping your sleeve up so I can check you blood pressure?’ Or ‘we like to test for X at this point so we’d like to get a blood sample today is that alright?’

It sounds like you’ve had a negative experience in bedside manner perhaps? It’s a shame for you to decide to withdraw entirely from antenatal care - but it’s also dangerous. For both you and your unborn child.

Would you feel better if you complained? Then you can have your vent and move on…

Please be agreeable to all the upcoming checks/tests. They are all evidence based and anything new being offered will be because of new evidence. We’re extremely lucky to have access to all these tests for our babies health outcomes (and ours). You are currently at one with your baby and your health directly affects each other.

Until you say what dreadful invasive things they did at this early stage, you'll just keep sounding petulant, attention seeking and horrifically self centred.