Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

I've had one allbeit brief scan and no issues were raised then, screening came back low risk so I can asume all is as well as can be expected

Low chance is exactly that: low chance. When I was pregnant with my DD my chance was 1 in 1,900. We were that one - and she has that extra chromosome. It was really important that we were in hospital so she could have the checks on her heart, I could have support with feeding her etc. You can never assume. Particularly if you'll have had minimal antenatal care up to that point.

It makes me so frustrated that someone would turn down antenatal check ups.

I was sent into hospital from my 25 week midwife appointment due to my blood pressure.

I was admitted and my son was born by c section a week later due to severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome.

I didn't have symptoms.

I owe my and my 9 years olds life to that midwife.

It's my body so it kinda does involve me, this is part of the problem as soon as youre pregnancy you're no longer seen as a person,just a lump of meat/incubator and medical appointments aren't about me even though it's happening directly to me

Really think it's so bloody sad how detached and soulless some posters are with regards to their unborn child.
'I'm not an incubator'
'I'm not a vessel'
Honestly if the only person you can think about and prioritise while you are pregnant is YOU, why the fuck are you getting pregnant?

The 2 midwives were strongly coercing me, they didn't listen to me or accept my responses

Probably your whole attitude!

Sorry wasn't directed at you but previous people have said that my other children obviously are being neglected which isn't the case at all

Because it's much less likely to happen at an earlier gestation. Your checkups happen more regularly later on because GD and PET are much more likely to happen at later gestations. PET is by definition after 20 weeks.

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation if at every appt, you were reassured that YOU were THE MOST special, the most important, that the baby counted for nothing, because you were the most important person.... would you go to them?

Please monitor your BP and blood glucose, if you aren’t going to go to your midwife appointments, @Casuallydresseddeepinconversation.

But I am also a person here and I also matter

For what it's worth my friend did something very similar to what you are suggesting as she was living in rural Asia and quite remote. She was young and felt healthy and the bump and everything suggested she was great so she just went with the flow. She had a stillbirth at 38 weeks, the baby looked perfectly formed, it absolutely crushed her. I'm not sure if they worked out why it happened and I didn't want to pry, but I always thought if she'd come home and been under medical care she probably wouldn't have lost it. I wouldn't take the risk personally so I find your attitude a bit baffling.

It's 8 weeks as your 20 week scan is counted as a contact.
That gap is allowed as GD is only tested for from 28 weeks unless there are concerns before that, and the chances of pre eclampsia occurring are very rare before the 3rd trimester. People who have history of this or are high risk for this early occurence are monitored more closely. You surely understand that bar this long gap you seem fixated on, the appointments are 4 weeks apart in the third trimester, until 36 weeks when they become fortnightly/weekly depending on your situation. Your placental function cannot be predicted at this point and you can't possibly anticipate that from how you are feeling.
It doesn't seem like anything that anyone is saying is going in.

medical appointments aren't about me even though it's happening directly to me

You're carrying a baby that cannot advocate for itself – of course the appointments aren't about you alone!

I don't think your feelings are unreasonable. But as someone else said, anyone who goes against what is considered the norm, is generally going to get a rough ride from others.

This isn't really the same as your situation but, after an appallingly bad first appointment with the NHS midwife (on top of unprofessional behaviour from the GP), I paid for a private midwife. For me, she was worth it, as I needed someone who would advocate on my behalf, should it be required.

I chose not to have the blood tests and, although bullied by both the (NHS) midwife and GP, nothing else came of it.

But the baby's health matters MORE. I think that's what you're not grasping. And as a mother the well being of the baby should be top priority. It's childish to have a 'what about me?' approach, the health of the baby should be the top priority.

Why on earth do you think you don't matter.
The whole point of maternity care is you are pregnant with another human, it would be bonkers to focus solely on either one of you.

I’m so sorry. This is such a tragic story

100%. Being informed is absolutely vital. Do your research and your reading. Speak to people willing to talk candidly and give balanced advice.

As with all things in life, information is power and a woman who’s well informed, feels empowered, supported and relaxed, and has proper continuity of care (one woman, one midwife) has a much greater chance of a positive birth.

As with all things in life, it’s about assessing and managing risk.

It’s important to understand why certain practices are due to management of scarce resources, minimisation of litigation and even business interests (e.g. insurers).

This is an excellent film, which I think is available on some streaming services: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0995061/

I didn’t say you weren’t and don’t…. You can get care for your baby and also be a person and matter…. The fact is, your body as a pregnant mother, affects your baby in-utero.

But its OK to be coerced by medical professionals? No my existing children get all the health care they have required, my toddler had a fever Monday and was seen by a GP Tuesday, had to call 111 and travel to a medical centre 40 minutes away as my GP surgery wouldn't see her as all appts gone by 8.30 but I had her checked by a gp nonetheless

Yeah you do, but I would put my baby first!

I would use NHS for scans and childbirth and save my money for doing things with the children or healthy food or a cleaner

The 10 week gap is dependent on your health board mine the biggest gap was 6 weeks.
That's by the by gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia are much more likely to occur past the 24/28 week point. Placenta failings again more likely towards the end of pregnancy. After 28 weeks you have a visit usually every 4-6 weeks with urine tests. I had appointments 28, 32, 36 weeks and 38 weeks. Was due one at 40 weeks but gave birth at 39 weeks.
So are you not going to have basic checks because a urine test and a BP check are really so intrusive on you?!

You sound like a diligent mother to your two older children. So why not be as diligent with the child you are carrying?

I asked further up: what exactly has happened to make you so mistrustful of NHS care?