Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

My SD has declined growth scans and induction (currently 32 weeks). Having had IUGR and other issues in her previous pregnancy, I am concerned for her and her baby, but people have capacity, so what can you do?

He didn't want to keep the baby as we aren't living together and running 2 houses and he's worried about finances, if I didn't want this baby I wouldn't be having it what an odd thing to say

If they got it provided free and somewhere they could reach within a day’s walk, and got paid time off work to attend, how many do you think would turn it down? How many would prefer to risk death, fistulas (with accompanying social ostracisation), and harm to their babies?

It's her choice ateotd. She has capacity as other poster had said.

I had some horrid midwives with #1 and that was long enough ago that the baby in question is now a university student, so I'm not unsympathetic. But: How are you planning to give birth? You will be risked out of an NHS home delivery if you don't have antenatal care, not least because antenatal care can identify conditions that would make it unsafe to birth at home.

If you plan to engage an independent midwife, fine, but she will also want to check you periodically to make sure everything is progressing normally.

Are you considering free birthing as well as not having antenatal care?

Stop saying 'no one has told me I'm high-risk because of my age'.... you're 40! No one's said anything because ITS JUST A GIVEN! Any medical professional will see your age and automatically deem you high-risk. Yours is classed as a geriatric pregnancy - same as with any woman over 30-something (think it's 33 in my area/NHS trust) I had my last baby at 36, was put under the care of a consultant due to my age! Then went on to develop gestational diabetes and high pressure in the umbilical cord which was only picked up due to the antenatal care I received.
I literally cannot believe this thread and your blasé attitude.

It’s not about you, it’s about your unborn child. Stop being so bloody selfish.

OP will your reluctance to engage with medical services continue post birth? If so, just for you or for your baby too? I am guessing no Guthrie test. A friend has a child with PKU, she was telling me about one man whose wife gave birth overseas and who turned down what he thought were unnecessary tests. His child is now severely mentally handicapped and this was totally avoidable if only he had paid $10 for a Guthrie test.

Wow, I can't believe the only thing you've taken away from my post is that. Nothing about how risky declining antenatal can be, nothing about how before antenatal care, women and babies died. Again, it is probably ok, but if it isn't, you risk losing the baby. You don't have to have a complex medical history to have a stillbirth or maternal health issues, multiple posters on this thread have given their experiences of this.

Selfish and irresponsible

@HornyHornersPinger I had a hands-off homebirth at 39. It was so much better than my other two NHS births. And safer! Especially over Covid.

I have at no point said I won't be attending the 20 week scan, I'm tempted to go private instead but haven't fully decided. With my first you had a 12 week scan then a 20 week scan and then no further scans unless something was spotted,it's only been fairly recently they've introduced a routine growth scan later on, before youd have your scan at 20 weeks then that would be it till baby was born, at my first scan I did not have a low lying placenta and no issues with cervix,for everyone saying it's so important to have urine and BP tests,if it's so important why is it OK for it to be left uncheckedfor 10 weeks at a time especially if u don't get symptoms of GD or pre eclampsia

My children have dental check ups every 6 months,my eldest has seen opticians, both are vaccinated, both are very healthy and I take them to gp, OOH or pharmacy etc if anything changes

OP - nobody in the NHS was checking BP or urine during Covid - so can't be that "essential"?

Really think HQ need to step in and manage some of the 'aw hun, you being happy is the main thing, not the baby's health, you do you, baby's not important' shite!

Mine was checked in Covid.

I don't think fundal measurements are hugely reliable,I measured small with my first,sent for a growth scan he was born 42 weeks,9lb and completely healthy no issues with birth

MN is not a supportive place for anyone considering going against the "norm". People rarely answer the question, instead they prefer to tell you that Social Service will flag it - if the baby doesn't DIE first that is.

There is nothing but judgment when it comes to the choices women make (You're not breastfeeding? You're happy to have a less intelligent child then. You don't want a Health Visitor coming? You'll be reported to Social Services/my daughter would be DEAD had my HV not spotted her brain tumor. You're having a CS? Your baby won't get healthy bacteria and will be ill for life/my friend's baby DIED because his chest wasn't squeezed by a vagina. You're having a home birth? My cousin's baby is DISABLED because her homebirth went wrong." Basically, you must not love your baby. 🙄

Your pregnancy journey is very personal. You are the one who is going through it. You are the one who is taking on all the risk. The level of risk you are willing to take is your decision, no one else's. No one should be judging you for it. People here don't care about your baby. They definitely don't care about you. You still matter. You aren't just a vessel. Medicalised pregnancy and childbirth is like being a farm animal at times. It can be deeply traumatising. And, yes, as I'm sure people will point out losing a baby is also traumatising, and if that does happen I'm sure you will wish you had made a different decision. But if everything goes well, you will be happier and mentally healthier for it.

Good luck, OP. I genuinely wish you and your family all the best.

OP it really is quite unusual to decline antenatal care but it is something you obviously feel strongly about. Can you articulate a bit more why you think attending the appointments would be more harmful to you than attending?

Could you attend if you were supported to go by someone else/had a trusted friend with you? You also need to way up the potential benefit harm of attending the appointments with the potential risk/harm to you and your baby of not.

@Floralsofa Mine wasn't I was abandoned by the NHS. 39. Paid a private midwife to check them. She also was there for my homebirth.

at no other time in my life would I have medical procedures and appointments when I felt otherwise well

But this isn’t just about you - it’s about your baby and you won’t know if they’re well unless you have some routine checks.

And definitely decline VEs; pointless and increase risk of infection, OP!!

Why did you pay if you don't feel the checks to be important?

Yes my children have had all medical care they've needed since birth, but seeing as it involves my body and things being done to me it does rather involve me somewhat,I'm a person not a walking incubator, the early private scan I had was world's apart from the experience I had at the NHS scan

Paid her to check my urine and BP. I'd stopped eating with anxiety at one point (unrelated to homebirth pregnancy) so wanted doing. Declined all VE's in labour as unecessary.