Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

I'm sorry you are feeling like this OP. If you don't mind me asking, what happened at your 13 week scan to stress you out? If you are planning on a homebirth, would that be without any assistance from the midwives at all?

I have also been classed as high risk, for reasons that I don't entirely agree with. It felt very frustrating and I also felt patronised and cried once I got back to my car after being told that I was high risk. I find scans very stressful as I had a previous missed miscarriage, and the idea of having additional growth scans is not appealing or exciting. However, now that I've had time for the information to sink in and have got my head around it a bit more, I feel less upset at the thought of being consultant led. It has actually been quite nice, as every time I've seen the community midwife I've seen someone different, so it's been nice to have continuity of care from the consultant at least.

Maybe give yourself a bit more time to get your head around things. Maybe take a step back from this thread.

I never had any intention of it, nor did I even reference SS in any of my posts, because I have no idea whether or not they would get involved in a situation like this. Enjoy your dinner.

I know many women who declined the appointments. Especially second and more pregnancies.
If you're well and it's causing more stress than less, just do what's best for you.
Perhaps research how many appointments your mum had with you and then do something similar?
Some women don't even know they're pregnant until 5 or 6 months!
Just keep the door open and look into alternative options if necessary.

No one is coercing you. You are being contacted by the healthcare system to ensure the best possible outcomes for u and your baby. Re having no body autonomy; tests and investigations inevitably involve your baby being examined.
I hope you are getting some support

Why not have them though? I'm assuming you had a rude midwife at your first appointment that did/said something that upset you. You can probably ask for a different midwife.
The blood tests, urine tests, blood pressure etc are for yours and the babies benefit so you know how your body is doing and if everything is ok

Daughter no symptoms of preeclampsia until she started fitting in labour. We nearly lost her and the baby

Second daughter, great pregnancy until scan at 30 weeks. She then had to go back the next day to a different hospital to see the consultant. We sat in shock when he said that the babies had to be delivered that week.

She went home packed a bag went into hospital had loads of steroids. Two days later a caesarian, followed by nine weeks in SCIBU. Then issues for a couple of years if they caught a cold etc.

What I'm saying is that you can be blind sided when you least expect it. Whether it's your first or third baby.

I declined the test for Downs etc because I already knew I was high risk due to age, wouldn't abort regardless of outcome and there's a high chance of false positives with rarer conditions that I believe causes unnecessary angst. My decision was no problem and I didn't receive any pressure.

I also refused induction for a week longer than the hospital wanted because I was confident that their due date calc was wrong. I got a bit more pressure for that.

I wouldn't have declined the scans because my baby was breech for most of the pregnancy. So that was useful in planning the birth.

I also know someone who lost their baby during labour due to something that should have been picked up at an antenatal appointment. So that colours my view.

No-one can tell you if you'll be lucky or not, or what level of risk you would be happy to accept. You just have to decide and stick with it. The midwives are just doing their job and want you and the baby to be safe.

I’m struggling to understand why you chose to have a 3rd baby when you’re not really bothered about it.

Why did your ex want you to have an abortion?
I’m wondering if he had a point.
You obviously don’t want this baby and so I’m not sure why you went ahead with it.

If the midwife was unkind to you then you can request a different one but to refuse the visits when it’s for your baby’s health is absolutely mind boggling to me.

I'm finding this hard to understand but then maybe that is informed by my own experience. We were ttc'ing for 3.5 years, so you can imagine the TV scans, HSG, hysteroscopy, Clomid, etc. I had a scan at every appt in my first two pregnancies. I was at risk of the pregnancy being ectopic (thankfully, they were fine). I then went on to have a miscarriage, complete with D&C, and a missed miscarriage, having seen the fetal HB right up to the 8/9 week point, and another D&C. When I got pregnant for the 5th time, I had a weekly TV scan right through early pregnancy. All 3 babies were born by c/section, first one following 3 failed attempts at induction at 38 weeks, as my scan had shown the placenta had deteriorated and baby needed to come out sooner rather than later. If I hadn't had that information and baby had been left to 41/42 weeks... well it wouldn't have been a good outcome!

So I guess having put my body through all of the stress it went through in my quest to have the family we wanted, I don't have a lot of sympathy with someone who refuses to engage with a system that is there for the benefit of her and her baby.

Appts and scans are to check the baby is okay , if you can't even give your baby basic care while it's in the womb then you shouldn't have become pregnant

The only person I know who did this is a midwife herself. She freebirthed 🫤 all went well thank god! Are you planning to turn up to the hospital or freebirth ie under the radar?

IMO if you want the best and healthiest start for your baby then you’ll get the antenatal care. Think of it as for your baby rather than yourself.

My mother had me in 1963 fgs - I wouldn't be modelling my appointments on hers! Plus she lost a healthy baby due to medical mismanagement in the early 70s and that is not something you would wish on anyone! That is bizarre advice!

As hard and mentally painful as it may be for you. Please engage with the service. For you and for your baby.
I know it’s hard feeling out of control. I had a pph with my third sailed through the pregnancy and when I went in to give birth (induction due to large baby) he had two loops of cord around his neck. Had I not went in I dread to think what would have happened.
from what I’m reading it sounds like you’ve had a rough ride with your partner (or ex whatever) and feel like you’ve lost control. That’s ok. There are people you can speak to about this before it consumes you. Just don’t let this affect you or the baby anymore than it already has x

Fair enough in not having the covid vaccine but should have the whooping cough one.

What you are doing is neglecting your unborn baby, and you shouldn't be surprised if you get a visit from social services.

Bizarre. Crunchy Mom gone too far.

I felt fine in pregnancy. I actually had v low iron which can lead to haemorrhaging. Wouldn’t have known until the moment.

Ask for the homebirth team if that would feel less invasive for you but kindly, get a grip. The appointments save babies.

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation What happened between the birth of your toddler and getting pregnant with this baby to make you mistrust NHS care? A month ago you were posting asking for advice because you hadn't felt the baby kick. Why, when you were clearly worried then, do you want to opt out now?

Lots of people have given examples of why it’s important to go to antenatal appointments, and you’ve dismissed or ignored them. I don’t think you should be shamed or called names, but I think you should reconsider your decision. The nhs isn’t your enemy.

I was classed as high risk with my 3rd due to age and weight but was still supported to have a home birth. At no point was I put under pressure because I insisted I would be having a home birth. The NHS home birth team were really good.
Don't turn your back on all medical care just be assertive. There may be a little pushback, especially from some doctors and hospital midwives, as the ones who work in the hospital can be very risk averse. But the specialist home birth team should support you.
Try not to take it personally. I know how stressful it can be.
I had an extremely traumatic hospital birth with my first so found any interaction with the hospital very upsetting. It might be a thought to get linked in with the perinatal mental health team who can advocate for you.
Mine were great and did me a birth plan where it said I was to be in hospital as little as possible and any checks and appointments should be at a minimum and if possible undertaken in my own home. This was backed up with a letter from the psychiatrist. And actually it really did help as I ended up having to go into hospital during my homebirth as my blood pressure suddenly went sky high. Due to my birth plan I was always in a private room and I was only in hospital about 12 hours. And no medical staff did internal examinations or anything like that. A very different experience to my first birth and one I was happy with.
So it's worth getting in touch with the perinatal mental health team abd explaining your anxieties regarding hospital care and autonomy.
There will hopefully be some sort of compromise they can help you reach where you can accept some level of medical care without being constantly pressured about accepting more or going into hospital.
Good luck I wish you well

The 12 week scan is for dating the pregnancy. It can detect some major fetal malformations like neural tube defects.

The 20 week scan is the dedicated anomaly scan and in the U.K. follows a standardised protocol to ensure that all major organs are examined systematically. I'm not sure a private clinic would follow this protocol.

I’m a nurse and not going to go down the line of other posts because every patient has the right to make informed choices and decline care.

However I can say with certainty that it will likely be referred to safeguarding. There’s a huge difference between declining induction, sweeps etc and not attending scans and appointments completely. As others have pointed out, there’s things that can happen that don’t always present with symptoms, the Doppler can check for irregularities which may signify your baby has interrupted blood flow etc. Missing appointments or no attendance is a red flag in safeguarding to ensure you’re not being coerced not to attend by an abusive partner and children missing health appointments by their caregiver is a red flag for neglect. That’s not to say you are neglectful to your children but it does raise questions to why you’re not engaging with checks for the health of your child, are you hiding anything, are other live children missing healthcare.

I think you just need to be realistic that these checks are for the well-being of both you and your baby. If something were to happen to you and you suddenly died whilst pregnant or in birth from something that could be picked up, do your other children have a caregiver to look after them? Maternal death does happen. And are you ok with a social services referral in which children’s care may want to attend your home regularly for visits?

This is no nastiness at all as your body, your choice even if it’s not a choice most people would make, but you just need to consider that it isn’t just about the care of yourself

Entirely your choice. I chose a hands-off homebirth after two frankly dangerous NHS births and and best decision I ever made.
They stopped all antenatal care during Covid anyway!

I do understand- I chose to have all three of mine at home to minimise frustrating interactions with HCPs who contradicted each other and medical evidence. However the checks are there for a reason- educate yourself so you can make informed decisions and be clear about your rights but take a balanced view. I strongly disagree with the OP who says you need to be compliant- that’s nonsense but better to be informed and make your own decisions from there.

Which I had your ultrasonic vision to ensure that the baby was ok.

How can you tell your baby is healthy?

We all have the right to autonomy but this is one of the most bonkers threads I've fed on mn and I've read a few