Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

Does this mean that you also won't take your baby for routine appointments, milestone checks and weigh-ins with health visitor? Why do you feel patronised and bullied?

If you were my friend I'd assume you had had a blow to the head or were actually, thick as pig shit.

Agree that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can take each appointment and procedure as it comes and decide if you want it.

For example I had one CO screening and then declined the others that they wanted to do at every appointment. I don't smoke and have a carbon monoxide alarm so didn't see the point and that was my prerogative. The midwife was fine when I said I understood the risks but was declining the test.

I had two home births, both of which went smoothly, despite me being a geriatric mum.

But - and (like mine - 😉) it is a BIG but - I had had all my antenatal care, and I had built up a really good, trusting relationship with the two community midwives who would be doing the deliveries. If, at any point, they had said I needed to transfer to hospital - even if it had just been a ‘gut feeling’ - I would have gone - because I knew I could trust them. Plus I was only 10 minutes drive from the hospital.

I am not sure @Casuallydresseddeepinconversation would have that sort of relationship with her midwives.

I still hope she is taking on board advice about monitoring her BP and blood sugar at home.

My sister didn’t go to all her check ups - just couldn’t see the need. My mum tried really hard to persuade her, but she and her husband were just not interested. They kept saying, “Pregnancy isn’t an illness you know, Jane!” Then, six weeks before the baby was due my sister went into labour. It turned out she had pre-eclampsia. It was a very dangerous situation and she and the baby could both have died. It all turned out fine; (said baby now aged 24), but it’s just not worth the risk OP.

Seems that a couple of healthcare practitioners - probably midwife and sonographer - have really upset her. Like other people in society some healthcare practitioners are discriminatory.

After my booking appointment I wanted nothing to do with community midwives due to the horrendous attitude of the one I saw. Her behaviour also caused unnecessary work for a couple of doctors.

Anyway after that I requested my partner came to every appointment with me. In the end he only came to the hospital ones.

However there were men going to the community midwife appointment with their partners. So it isn't rare that women are accompanied to antenatal appointments not because their partner is abusive but because the staff upset them.

But some overworked sonographer being rude is not the end of the world.

No, you can assume all was as well as could be expected with the baby at the time of your scan. It doesn't mean you can make any assumptions whatsoever now.

Hi OP, my second pregnancy was classed as high risk due to age. I was summoned to hospital to see the consultant from what I can remember, almost weekly 🙄 I’d had one easy birth and was having an easy pregnancy. I stopped going because it was a complete waste of everybody’s time - the consultant’s sidekick literally looked at me, asked how I was feeling and sent me on my way. I never saw the actual consultant. No referrals to social services etc btw, either before or after a completely normal home birth

Unlike almost everyone else here, I agree with you. Pregnancy and birth are over-medicalised. Of course there is a small chance that you or your baby may have undiagnosed problems. There is also a chance that issues are caused by over-medicalisation (especially where the mother is finding the ‘healthcare” to be stressful - an area which is recognised, but notably under-studied. I would, however, probably go for the scan - that way, if there are issues then you will already be in the system, it just makes it easier for you in that case.

Good luck with your pregnancy 💐

If the OP was my friend I would try to ensure myself or others could accompany her to her appointments. Then ensure we knew her questions and concerns before hand then get them answered.

And yes I have gone to medical appointments with adults who felt they weren't being listened to, though not for pregnancy.

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation , following your conversation with health professionals, did you make a plan about your pregnancy care?
Were they understanding of your concerns?
I hope you come to a conclusion that is best for your mental wellbeing and your baby's health.

No, you really wouldn't necessarily feel it. I felt fine when I was told that my blood pressure was up and I was in fact on my way to pre-eclampsia.

The scan doesn't just pick up problems with the baby, it will pick up things like a low-lying placenta, the fact that the baby isn't growing fast enough or is growing too fast due to diabetes, things like spina bifida, lack of adequate amniotic fluid, and indeed that some individual organs aren't developing properly, And there are also the problems the scan doesn't pick up at all, like high blood pressure, proteinuria etc.

I'll just add my two cents OP, so you have an idea of why antenatal care is so important.

In my first pregnancy, I felt completely healthy and well. I had a normal BMI, was 30 years old, fit and healthy, no family history of illness. I was having a completely straightforward pregnancy with no concerns. I didn't have symptoms of any kind.

At my 16 week midwife appointment my midwife identified that my bump was measuring ahead for my gestational age. I was sent for an additional growth scan which identified that my baby was measuring very large. That prompted a referral for a glucose tolerance test, which I failed spectacularly, and I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I ended up having to take metformin and insulin to control my blood sugar. I reiterate - I had NO symptoms of gestational diabetes of which I was aware; no thirst, no hyperglycaemia, no discomfort or physical awareness at all.

By the time I reached 38 weeks pregnant, I was having various forms of monitoring three times per week. A urine test at one of those appointments revealed that my kidneys were starting to fail as a result of the diabetes. Again - I had no symptoms and felt fine. I was advised to consider induction for my and my baby's sake, and he was born safely. I am well, and he is alive, because of the antenatal care I received.

You don't always know when something is wrong in a pregnancy. You don't always have symptoms. Much of what can lead to dangerous outcomes is only picked up on scans or blood tests.

You are an adult; you have the right to decline care if you don't want it. But make sure your choice is informed and that you understand that you're choosing risks which will not always be known to you, and which will not come with the benefit of obvious symptoms.

Educated and intelligent? And presumably gifted with xray vision that shows you your babies in utero development.

I wish you and your baby well OP, but find your “educated and intelligent” logic a tad disturbing. Do you make sure you and your two existing children look before you cross the road, or do you assume that since to date you haven’t been mown down that you never will be? Do you leave your front door unlocked using the argument that not having been burgled previously means you never will be? Do you refuse to wear seatbelts in a car on the grounds that you have never been hit by a drunk driver doing 70 on a 20 limit road?

Being an adult and responsible for younger human beings means that we make decisions and do things that might not sit well with our personal wishes, but which we know are for the child’s benefit. It is called parenting.

There are loads of things that can go wrong later on in pregnancy that can threaten the life of the baby and the mother. Examples are pre-eclampsia, intrauterine growth retardation and placenta praevia. The mother may not have any physical symptoms and feel perfectly well.

I didn't tell you up thread OP but @BlubBlubImAFish@BlubBlubImAFish did so I'll share. My son Hew died at twenty two weeks. I was too busy for my scan. In those days you couldn't see the baby but I gave birth to him. I didn't speak about it for 17 years. My son still mentions him. He wanted to know where his brother was. My first pregnancy was C section so I was under consultant care. I put off the scan. There was no issues with that pregnancy. I walked five miles a day. Fit as a flea. Don't be so bloody stupid. Take the care and if anyone is rude tell them you're not accepting their rudeness. Do not put anxiety ahead of common sense. As previous posters have said you are guaranteed nothing. Women fought for access to health care. For me I'll have anything going if it helps my disability. See you GP if you feel overwhelmed. I hate being poked but we have these checks for a reason.

There are reasons to monitor the babies health throughout pregnancy. What if they diagnosed a developmental issue with the baby that needed surgical correction that they wouldn’t have known about otherwise? What if you develop gestational diabetes? What if the baby died in your womb in the third trimester and you left it and ended up with sepsis? It’s very ignorant to decide that if you feel ok then all is well

No, this is why anti natal care was fought for and is given to prevent deaths from pre eclampsia - it drastically reduced the death rate

The spread of antenatal care has lessened greatly severe eclampsia rates. The wider use in the last century of antisepsis, asepsis and the introduction of antibiotics in this century, has cut puerperal infection to very low levels. Wider use of blood transfusion with the availability of blood banks and flying squads has reduced the perils of haemorrhage https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1633559/

Its your choice but you need to be aware of why its illegal for employers to prevent staff going for antinatel care whilst working and why it must be paid time.

Oh no. An error. Terribly sorry mumsnet.
That is a big topic. Baby too big, too small, postdates, maternal age. The list goes on as to why inductions are needlessly pushed on women.
It should be obvious that it cannot be necessary to intervene in 60% of pregnancies by inducing labour.
Intervention has its place. My second was induced at 40 weeks because she stopped growing, the placenta was indeed a mess when it came out. However, the bullying and awful consultants appointments are not excused by the fact that the induction was needed. Women are treated awfully in maternity services.
I think the rejection of the NHS services we see in this thread are reflective of that.
I don't believe in totally walking away from the system, but thinking critically and standing up for yourself should be encouraged. Take what you need from the system, but absolutely don't mindlessly go along with everything without question.

Doesn't that misunderstanding on your part tell you that perhaps you don't know everything and need to go to your antenatal appointment?

I felt perfectly healthy throughout my last pregnancy, until I started bleeding heavily during labour and needed an emergency c section.
Think about your baby, not just yourself. For example, my baby was lying transverse for a long period which can be fatal if you go into labour while they’re in that position. A midwife can detect this.
I would also suspect they would flag it up with SS if you suddenly decline any antenatal/postnatal treatment. I maybe wrong on that though.

Yeah, I mean I sympathise, it can be quite difficult when you're talking to someone who you really dislike, or vice versa, about things that really matter and are very personal. And pregnancy can heighten all these perceptions to the point of seeing things that aren't there or aren't intentional. And of course some of the checks are very generic in that they're looking at population risk, not your specific risk. But at the end of the day, I'm not a midwife, I didn't go to medical school, which is is why I trust people who did. And I liked the fact I knew the home birth midwives. It made me trust them. In the end I actually thought home birth sucked and went to hospital, where I got checked in by the biggest bitch I'd ever met. But it was my best birth experience, I wouldn't change it for the world, and the MW had to eat humble pie about me "not being in labour" 15 minutes later. I had a good laugh 😂

Sorry OP , but you’re being hideously careless with you and your baby’s lives. High blood pressure can be asymptomatic, besides all the other things that could be going on. How would you feel if something goes wrong because of your attitude ?

Then you are as foolish as the OP, but you just got lucky.

I think it's a shocking disregard of maternal and baby health and I can't even begin to comprehend it.

And reading all the tragic and heartbreaking situations described here, it just beggars belief that anyone would be so neglectful!

Whether you think this is fine to do or not OP, this would be automatically referred to SS. As you are demonstrating that you are willing to risk your babies safety. In the same way you would be if you dangled them out of a window. If you had a private midwife, this would be different to opting not to check your baby. You can decline checks for yourself but declining medical care for your child is neglect.