Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

Ugh this post just stinks of arrogance. How wonderful that you've never had a complication before. You're clearly not educated enough to know of all the many, many complications that can arise at any stage of pregnancy and very unexpectedly, with little to no symptoms. Ask any of the poor women who've had bad outcomes who only wish they'd gotten even more care to catch complications before it's too late. Your appointments are spread out early on because you're less likely to develop complications at this point. They get much closer together as pregnancy progresses as the risk of complications increases.
This free birthing nonsense has gone too far. Look at the numbers of women and babies dying due to this movement. In fact in Ireland they're starting to have the police involved when a couple arrive to hospital with their dead baby in arms after an unassisted birth. Much more common than you'd think. A young Mum of 4 only died a few months ago from being sucked into this mindset.

Check yourself and check your privilege. Thank your lucky stars you've never experienced a bad outcome before. And for the love of God take the care that's available to you and your baby.

Well, no, if anyone is going to suffer from bad consequences it is not just OP and her child - it is her other two children potentially left without a mother, or having a mother with ongoing health problems who is not able to look after them properly.

I would question whether someone who doesn't want the best care for their child - even if they don't want it for themselves - can be a good parent. How will this go when your child needs their vaccines, or teeth and eye checks? Antenatal care is there for a reason, because it saves lives. They're not just getting you in to keep themselves busy. With respect, you are not an expert, and even if you were an actual midwife you wouldn't be able to see some things that need an ultrasound or other tests. There are responsible ways of going about home birth and this is not it.

& if you have an emergency you get seen privately? No they transfer you to an nhs hospital as private care does not as far as I am aware does not have emergency care either ITU or HDU if you or your baby needs it.

Never commented on mumsnet before so not 100% sure what I’m doing but here goes!

You have every right to refuse antenatal care, but a lot of people will question the decision so you’ll probably have to defend it often.

I’ve been pregnant 4 times and have one ds. Done extensive research into what can go wrong in pregnancy. One thing that isn’t shared often is that only 30% of all pregnancies actually make it to a healthy baby being born at the end. That includes all the early miscarriages, late miscarriages and deaths during the last trimester and labour/birth. Antenatal care is designed to get as many mums and babies to the finish line as possible. If you’ve had negative experiences, could you request a different midwife/team/hospital? You have every right to move your care to someone/somewhere else.

I’ve had a problem identified during a private scan before; all she did was say “yeah this ain’t right, you’re going to the nearest hospital. Bye.” Most private scan places are actually NHS sonographers working privately to boost their pay, and they can’t actually do anything to help when a problem is found - they can only pass you on to the NHS.

I also had severe pre-eclampsia in my successful pregnancy. Had no symptoms whatsoever, went for a routine midwife check, and got ambulanced to hospital. Genuinely didn’t feel like anything was wrong for the entire 2 weeks I was in hospital, up until my emergency c-section. If in another universe I’d have been having a home birth we would’ve both died when I had a post-partum haemorrhage. I would’ve bled out well before reaching any help.

I’m not trying to scare you and I’ve had shocking treatment from a select few during NHS check-ups across my pregnancies (so I get where you’re coming from), but it’s also been the same in the private scans. Please speak to someone and seek out alternative NHS support/another hospital before writing it off all together. I think you’d regret it if the worst were to happen.

"Critical thinking" does not imply taking a massively unnecessary risk with your pregnancy!

My thin, fit sister had gestational diabetes quite seriously. We have no family history of it.

Again this, births 1 and 3 traumatic. Baby no2 sadly we lost, finding some of these tales so upsetting, but not as much as the arrogant, selfishness of the OP who is basically purposely stopping her baby have decent care and making sure the baby's OK.

You need a new blood test for each pregnancy so there is an active and recent group and save on the system if you needed units of blood. You can develop antibodies or whatever between pregnancies and means if you needed blood it would be specific to you.

There is literally not a single good reason for not engaging with NHS care during pregnancy. You are putting yourself and your baby at risk. The fact you're healthy has nothing to do with it. I hope you realise this is not a sensible approach and starting engaging.

You seem quite comfortable with your choice @Casuallydresseddeepinconversation, so what's your motivation to posting this? There is no question here from you, you've obviously made your mind up, you're not looking for other points of view, and are vigorously defending your choices, which you're entitled to, but you've posted them for what?

It IS stupid to think things like this can never happen to you just because it hasn't previously.

I mean, what's the point in wearing a seat belt given I've been in cars loads and I'm not dead yet...

Then you haven’t read about the impacts stress can have on pregnant women. I’m advising OP to go to her scan!

Same here. I was 23 and a size 6 when I fell pregnant with my first and had gestational diabetes. I lived abroad at the time where it’s mandatory for all pregnant woman to be tested for it.

Starting to think it's a wind up. Very cruel and triggering for some.

You said you agreed with her.

I think a dead baby would be pretty stressful.

You’ve made it this far by yourself? 🤣 You’re 20 weeks, things get much harder during the last trimester and what are you planning to do about the birth? It might be plain sailing but you can’t predict the future and it’s risky for you and the baby.

Private scanning in the UK is actually very concerning. To run a Fetal ultrasound clinic in the UK you don't need any formal training anyone can buy a scanner set up a 'studio' and perform ultrasound scans. Currently there is no regulation for this in the UK. The individuals carrying out the scan do not need to hold a qualification or be registered with a reglatory body.

So yeah those private scans, do treat you amazing for all the cash your paying them to scan your baby, but they may not be telling you or be able to see if your baby has a life threatening condition or problem, that may or may not be treatable or compatible with life when appropriate intervention is offered.

I would strongly recommend speaking to a consultant midwife or similar within your trust, to discuss if a care outside of guidance can be offered, something that enables you and your baby to receive a level of care that is acceptable to you whilst safeguarding the wellbeing of yourself and your child.

I wish you the best of luck with the pregnancy OP and hope you have a positive outcome for yourself and your baby.

@NotAtMyAge Absolutely not. I’m sure they would take advantage of healthcare if it was available. I was responding to the poster who said “A mother who wants her child would have medical care throughout the pregnancy.” which appeared to me to be a very privileged approach., which fails to appreciate that many women simply don’t have access to healthcare. That doesn’t make them bad mothers who don’t want their children, as the comment seems to suggest.

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation i had a midwife for my second pregnancy that made me cry on a number of occasions ,so I really get the antipathy you may feel but having regular antenatal midwife appointments for my first child meant that I had a poorly ( treatable) but alive baby at the end of it all. I certainly wouldn’t have picked up the problem that was picked up by my midwife at 37 weeks as I had no symptoms …so I may have come home from the hospital without a baby. That’s the potential reality of not having ante natal care.

Ante natal checks are to ensure that both you and the baby remain fit and well throughout your pregnancy.

If you are concerned about the way you are treated, speak to someone through the appropriate channels.

To not attend any ante natal care is totally irresponsible and neglectful of yourself and baby.

Yes, but as they're very similar to pregnancy symptoms they take your blood pressure and check the protein levels in your urine. I was fine up until the day before DS was born (via c section because he was too big!)

One of my girlfriends has 4 kids. First 2 completely healthy and normal. Last 2 she had decreased fluid in the sac and other complications with no symptoms. In both instances she needed medical intervention. In one of them she had gestational diabetes, the other 3 she didn't.

Another girlfriend was 20. Healthy, skinny. No issues. She had a seizure during the night and almost died. Turns out she had pre-eclampsia. She only lived because her husband heard her make a sound while seizing and called 911.

I'm overweight and was considered high-risk. I had multiple scans. They had trouble finding his measurements at one point but otherwise everything was completely normal. I ended up needing a c-section because he was going into distress. None of this was noticed but would have killed him if I had a home birth.

My sister had a perfectly normal pregnancy, her daughter got stuck b/c she was too big. Ended in an emergency c-section. Again could have killed her if she'd gone with home birth.

My point is this -- You don't know. It could be fine, it might not be fine. The question you need to ask yourself is if you'd rather do everything "right" and have nothing go wrong, or ignore the appointments and have it go "wrong".

Personally (and I think the majority here agree), I'd always rather do absolutely everything I can than live with the guilt of "what if" if it goes wrong.

I‘m a healthy person, BMI 19, I don’t smoke or drink, sporty, no diabetes in family.
Gestational diabetes was picked up on a routine sugar test.

Don’t be so arrogant.

OP, would you consider therapy to discuss your feelings re health care, baby, life in general? You say you felt "coerced and bullied, patronised and ignored" by your midwife. You haven't given any concrete examples, so I'm wondering if it's just an overall feeling you got when interacting with your health team? Perhaps you have something going on personally that makes you particularly alert to being ignored or bullied? Perhaps there are strategies you could use to stick up for yourself while still accessing the care your baby needs?