Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

This is the same as me, I felt fine and felt movement etc but my DS was very small because of placenta issues. Picked up by the bump measurements by my midwife at 31 weeks. Lots of people will say these are a waste of time but they identified my bump had stopped growing. I had a C-section at 39 weeks to deliver DS safely.

I wouldn’t, but you don’t seem to be bending, so do as you wish. Just be sure to understand the implications

I sympathise OP, contrary to what a lot of posters are saying, I've also found many of the NHS appointments over my two pregnancies were useless (especially the booking appointments) and the scans have absolutely not been better quality at NHS vs private in my experience. I've had NHS scans lost, requiring me to go in again, had to have bloods taken 5 times due to results being lost, been given incorrect information that I've had to challenge myself only then to be told yes it was an oversight/wrong... the list goes on and don't even get me started on post natal care which is even worse. Overall, the state of maternity care here is shockingly bad and inconsistent and it's shown me in full light how my money as a taxpayer is being wasted. People saying how great it is have clearly never experienced healthcare systems outside the UK. That said, I declined some appointments (glucose testing as I refuse to spend 2 hours sitting around at the hospital but I tested at home myself instead), 'counselling' for my elective c sections, GP appointment where it wasn't clear what it was for other than it was on their checklist for a certain week of pregnancy ) but I think you do need to suck it up and go to the other check ups as although the risk is small, things like preeclampsia can go undetected until it's too late if you don't have the urine/blood pressure tests, and if they are offering you extra scans for being high risk I would take them, or otherwise just do private scans at regular intervals. Personally I did private scans every month for both my pregnancies as it gave me more peace of mind than the various NHS check ups.

Sometimes things don't go well, service isn't ideal or mistakes get made. However, these are generally the exception rather than the rule. They're not a reason to bin off any engagement with antenatal care. Its a very privileged, Western attitude to take. Othwr women around the world arent so lucky.Your perception that 'you would feel unwell' is deluded. You or the baby could have a problem and you may or may not have symptoms. Really, you need to put that to one side and prioritise the health of your baby by taking up the medical care available. I can see that you already have 2 children so they also depend on you. This makes your disregard of your own health a little selfish.
It sounds like something has happened at an appointment and it's bothered you. Take it through the proper channels and talk to your midwife about how you are.feeling.

A friend of mine had pre eclampsia. She felt fine. Baby was not fine but is now a healthy teenager because they caught it.

@BlubBlubImAFish That is the most incredible post. I am so sorry you went through that and am in awe of your bravery in facing it, and then telling us about it.

OP, I want to reiterate a point Blub made:
Women have given birth for thousands of years without modern medicine, but nearly half of them, and nearly half of their children died in the process. Nothing has changed about womens bodies since then, what changed is medicine.

This is so true. I am from a third world country. Growing up, I remember those children who were damaged and harmed and so visible because of poor healthcare. I remember how often women lost babies. I remember the families who lost the women. Believe me, I'm taking the medical care, I'm taking the vaccines, I'm taking the scans because I've seen what it can be like without them. And I was the rich privileged person growing up in a big city - it would be 10000x times more true for my less privileged peers.

while i don't agree with the OP not having ante natal care, i am going to stick my oar in with this one.

I had two kids, high risk, several scans, both NHS and Private (my area doesn't do sex scan) and the last one the NHS sonographer was HORRENDOUSLY rude, so much i came out of my 20wk scan in tears and complained (and was apologised to by the trust)
Just because yours have been fine doesn't mean the NHS sonographers aren't capable of being bloody rude.

I have no history of family diabetes other than one grandparent who developed type two very late in life (which I was told had no relevance), I had no symptoms and had a healthy BMI. I developed GD which was picked up at an antenatal appointment

Exactly. Anyone can learn how to do a scan. You can just go and book a course. Interpreting it is another thing. Many of the people in the private scan places are not qualified sonographers, this is actually a medical field that requires years of training. Anyone can set up a windows to the womb type company with no medical knowledge. It’s means to be for fun, not medical diagnostics.

I am so sorry for your loss

You do realise that it can be the same people scanning you at the private clinic that might scan you at the hospital. A long of the NHS sonographer do extra shifts at the private scan places for extra cash.

I've worked as a midwife in a hospital in rural Uganda. I've also seen the consequences of women not accessing antenatal and intrapartum care. The outcomes for the majority of women in the UK are vastly different to how they are for women without easy access to antenatal care.

Yes some appointments seem pointless/waste of time........until they're not. If you can leave an appointment thinking it seemed pointless you could argue that from a medical/safety pov it was a good outcome. Obviously ideally women should feel they have some benefit from the appointment regardless, that they've been told something useful, that they're just excited to find out which way baby is lying at that point, most women realise the importance of them even if seems uneventful.

I’m so sorry x

Did I say that. No, i did not.

Not that intelligent or educated, or you'd know how to use punctuation accurately.

Anyway, I'll actually try to be helpful now, for your baby's sake. I felt well throughout my pregnancy, but thanks to monitoring, was diagnosed with high blood pressure at 24 weeks. At 35 weeks, a scan showed my baby had stopped growing (she was on the 3rd centile) and so it was planned for my baby to be delivered at 37 weeks, for her safety. At NO POINT would I have realised anything was wrong if I hadn't been attending my antenatal appointments. Stop being selfish and prioritise your baby.

Not always sometimes the only symptom is a stillbirth or you’ll go from really healthy to having a stroke / fit / sudden death.

https://www.womenscareobgyn.com/health-library/signs-of-preeclampsia#:~:text=Preeclampsia%20symptoms%20may%20include%20protein,the%20normal%20discomforts%20of%20pregnancy.

I also developed preeclampsia with zero symptoms.

Thanks everyone I understand the intention but please stop sending condolences or calling me brave, my daughter died because of my choices and I don't deserve and ounce of your sympathies.

Just to also say, as uncomfortable as a scan is for you, or as rude as a sonographer might be or as offended as you may be by a comment they make - trust me it's worth sucking it up and going anyway because the consequences of not going are so very much worse than the temporary discomfort.

At my 28 week scan we discovered my son had IUGR, was less than 10% on the growth scale, the placenta was not functioning correctly and he was seriously at risk. Going into the scan I felt great, 100% fine. I had absolutely no idea that there was an issue. They are a useful tool.

I will be honest (my daughter in law is a Health Visitor). This would be a massive flag as it sounds like you have something to hide. Are you planning to give birth at home with no assistance and it truly sounds like you are up to something. You sound very blase about it all. What if something goes wrong?

I am very healthy generally and I had a stillbirth. Just because you feel ok now doesn’t mean to say things can’t go wrong. Please accept the care being offered, for your and your baby’s sake

Its difficult.
Sometimes even with all the care things go wrong.

But didn't one of the leaders of the free birth movement loose her baby.

There isn't always signs and baby's growth/ blood flow from the placenta/ poly or oligohydramnios are just a few things that can be picked up through antenatal care which would often not be something you could otherwise know.

I wish you and your family well, but I can't understand why you wouldn't want check ins to support your baby's health.

Please be careful - I had 2 normal pregnancies and felt fine. It turns out I had pre eclampsia with my 3rd baby- I had no symptoms, it was only picked up at an antenatal appointment.

yes you did. you can follow the quote history.

I can't point out we don't have the same medical history and therefore need the same care,but she can call me stupid,ok then