Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

Situations can change so fast in pregnancy, at one of my blood draws my iron came back a bit low so I started taking the iron tablets- even with them by week 34 my iron levels had TANKED, I was eating ice not realising it’s a symptom of low iron and was at risk of passing out daily and had to have iron infusions. Scans also picked up that my baby was big so had extra checks to ensure it wasn’t gestational diabetes and to monitor size (was born 9lb 12oz).

Curious as to where you’d draw the line at refusing any medical care - if you noticed reduced movements would you go in for a check? I feel like not engaging with antenatal care would throw up red flags even if you don’t have bad intentions. I don’t understand why you are so averse to attending these appointments- is it an issue with missing work etc? Or just genuinely not wanting to?

In my opinion it’s selfish to not get these checks done. And from what I know, most private scans are done by the same staff that also work for the NHS on other days (it earns them extra money, is what I was told) so not sure why you’d choose to pay for what the NHS offers for free. GD, pre-eclampsia can creep up on you and the results could be devastating for you and your baby.

There was an obstetrician local to me who set up a private ultrasound clinic because he was banned from working in the nhs. I believe he was eventually struck off as a doctor.

You seem obsessed with the idea that your family medical history and previous healthy pregnancies make you immune to potential problems.

But many women with preeclampsia or GD or other serious problems will have clear medical histories and previously healthy pregnancies. And serious issues don't always have symptoms.

I guess it boils down to - if you or your baby die or suffer serious life-changing health issues because of this decision, do you think you would be able to defend it to yourself, your children.

It doesn't just concern your body though... What about the child?

Let‘s just wish @Casuallydresseddeepinconversation well and hope that it all goes according to some plan.

And if it doesn’t the NHS won’t be to blame.

lol. I was a health late twenties with a 21 BMI and no issues at all. Almost died and baby had to be delivered at 36w. Discovered at midwife app.

Don’t be an idiot or don’t have children x

And so am I. Love to you.

@BlubBlubImAFish you do deserve sympathy as you fell down a rabbit hole that has serious consequences. And yes you are brave to admit it and more importantly tell people about it.

Ahhh OP I think you are getting a hard time on here.

I’m not an expert. But do think at times pregnancy and birth is over ‘medicalised’.

I was asked by my midwife why I was going for scans, it was a very good question. Would I abort if there were abnormalities? My response was yes at the early scans. No at the later, but at least I’d be prepared mentally. But each to their own. And a private scan could give the same info.

I just deleted a massive post.

But what it boiled down to is perhaps there is a balance. Perhaps don’t shun the NHS tests that are available. They can give you information to best guide your pregnancy and birth. I’m so sorry if yours historically have been traumatic, mine were neutral, just fact giving. But so long as you are doing some decent forms of care, whether private or on the NHS, then I don’t see the issue.

Both my kids would have not been here if it wasnt for the NHS. But I needed that system, no matter how flawed. And I thank those who helped daily.

Op, I have had care in all my pregnancies, and luckily so!
If not, I wouldn't have known I had pre eclampsia or that my iron levels had tanked seriously low. Without giving birth with medical assistance, I wouldn't have known my baby was in distress either.

What is your birth plan? Do you atleast have a doula with a medical back ground?

I'm not judging you here, but I am concerned, if it all goes wrong, would you be able to forgive yourself?

My 2nd pregnancy (without the pre eclampsia or iron problems!) Ended up with my son being delivered in theatre because he was in severe distress. I will never forget how everything changed in the blink of an eye and I am very aware if it wasn't for the medics who were there for us, I wouldn't have left hospital with my baby.

I know someone who had no symptoms and avoided antenatal care. Everything was fine until 26 weeks when the baby died. In her next pregnancy she did the same again. This time the baby got to full term and was stillborn. It was all because of her undiagnosed high blood pressure, which was causing placental insufficiency. Luckily in her 3rd pregnancy she had all the care that was on offer, and she has a healthy baby as a result.

Personally I wouldn’t take the risk OP, and i think it’s rather unfair on your family and unborn baby to only allow a 3rd world level of care.

I think you are sbsolutely bonkers. One simple scan would show you if you had something like placenta praevia which can happen to absolutely anyone no matter how healthy. If you had that, and there are no signs of it, you and your baby will die leaving your other children motherless. I watched someone die of that when I was a student nurse. I never got over it. I still dream of it now and Im in my 60s.
In the past hundreds of thousands of mothers and babies died in childbirth and they still do.
You are prepared to do that rather than have one scan?
I dont understand you.

You might be healthy (emphasis on the might) but is your baby? Maybe the baby's not your priority. Oh well.

You can decline sweeps though? You will be given a leaflet and asked if sure but that's about it. That is absolutely your choice.

I declined sweeps and Induction and my notes were clear if there was a risk to baby is was straight to C section it was in capital letters on my notes. The only aspect I was asked was if I had a different midwife.

Something seems to have peed you off with medical/midwifery.
Absolutely fine if you wish to decline antenatal care just know not only the risks to yours and babies help but also your unborn baby going onto a child protection list. Then you will have to jump through a lot of hoops with HV and social services post delivery.

The choice is yours really but your eutopian I can refuse all antenatal appointments and care and it have no effect is all in la la land. You either risk baby and you and if not its all healthy you then have a year of social services to deal with. Good luck with that.

Sorry but you are naive in thinking that your own health guarantees that your pregnancy and baby's health will continue well and without any issues.

Erm no I didn't. I just stated I had good experience. I didn't say people can have bad experiences. Learn to read properly

Can't*

This

While things like this should not happen, I would far sooner risk a bit of rudeness than my baby's life!

Statistically, you'll probably get away with it. But you might not. Big stakes gamble for the sake of five minutes every couple of weeks.

i can read, you apparently have a rubbish memory.

Casuallydresseddeepinconversation · Today 15:35
I do understand about the anatomy scan,I also know the people scanning you treat u better when having a private scan vs NHS scan

teatoast8 · Today 15:36
Bullshit. All my scans with the NHS have been good. And treat you perfectly fine

Now unless the meaning of 'bullshit' has changed that no-one is talking about, you did indeed tell the OP that her assertion about private treating you better than NHS was 'bullshit' because yours have been fine.

This. This isn't just about you though now..this is about the baby too. Don't they deserve the best care they can get ?

I meant bullshit that private scans treat you better than nhs. Again learn to read

She only said what everyone else is thinking, I'm afraid.

What kind of support would you like... Dr Sara Wickam's website and books can be great to understand the various tests and whether they might be right for you or not.. her books.. what's right for me, In my own time and others on specific issues are great. Her blog posts might be enough.

Are you in touch with any homebirth or natural health groups.. you might find some kindred spirits on those.. message me if you would like some signposts!!

Women who take decisions from a position of knowledge and empowerment, feel better about their births, regardless of how pregnancy and birth unfold.

Seek out the information you require to give you that feeling of knowledge and empowerment, if you feel you need it.