Excuse when it’s too early to tell people!

[Plum02]

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and suffering from morning sickness and general exhaustion.

I lead a team of 10 who are geographically dispersed and we meet in person as a team once per quarter. We’re due to meet next week which will be a 3.5 hour journey each way for me and it has been booked and arranged for months.

The plan is to stay overnight and in the evening we’ve arranged an early Christmas do (as we don’t see each other again until Feb) combined with a leaving do for someone leaving the team.

However, there is no way I can cope with the travel right now, let alone a night out after travelling and a full day of work.

It’s too early to tell the whole team I’m pregnant but since I’m not actually off sick I’m not sure what else to tell them about why I can’t go! There are others travelling further and the date has been pre-booked for so long. As the team leader I generally take the lead in terms of chairing and facilitating the discussions when we do get together. I feel terrible for flaking, especially since it’s the Christmas and leaving do and don’t want it to look like I couldn’t be bothered to travel! Please help!

Just tell them you aren't feeling well (which is true). They don't need to know why. Don't make it into a bigger thing than it is - sometimes people are ill, and everyone deals with that and moves on.

Respectfully - your presence isn't as important as you think it is 😉

Covid

This. No need for elaborate excuses.

You have to throw a sickie. Go down with covid the day before so that you can brief someone to deputise for you.

I’m not planning to be off sick though - I feel like this all the time so still have to work through it.

Maybe I’m overthinking but I can’t think of any other illness where I’d be well enough to work from home but wouldn’t travel. It’s very out of character for me!

My manager (who won’t be there) knows I’m pregnant though! So it would mean either lying to him about suddenly have Covid or telling him I’m lying to the whole team 🙈🤣

Ask the manager for help coming up with an excuse!

You’re really over-thinking it. If you’re not well enough to make the trip then just call in sick and take those 2 days off from work. 🤷‍♀️

So tell your manager the truth, that you’re not well enough to travel, but not ready to tell the whole team you’re pregnant yet. It’s really not that complicated, OP. I don’t know why you’re tying yourself into knots about it.

You don't need to think of an illness.

Wait until the time and see how you feel. If you don't feel well (which as you've said, you probably won't), then tell them you're unwell and can't make it.

You don't have to elaborate about what's wrong. Your health is private. Your manager already knows you're pregnant so that's fine.

Honestly, you are making a mountain out of a molehill here.

Sickness bug- you think you might be okay to work as long as it doesn’t get worse, but can’t travel. You’ll dial into the discussions / meetings if you’re able. Sincere Apols etc.

Tell manager you’ve told the team morning sickness is just a sickness but for now.

Period from hell? You need to change every half hour and won't be able to do that travelling.

Allergic reaction?

You have an infection and are taking metronidazole, it has some nasty side effects.

Or as your boss knows be honest that you are not ready to tell your team yet.

Could you just tell them the truth? I've been open with colleagues when I have needed adjustments due to pregnancy and they have always been understanding.

Well you can’t have your cake and eat it. Perhaps you will have to be off sick.

Maybe I’m overthinking but I can’t think of any other illness where I’d be well enough to work from home but wouldn’t travel

Most illnesses? In our house whenever we’ve had Covid, shingles, bad cold, flu etc we’ve been unable to go to work so wfh instead. This goes on for a few days to many weeks, depending what it has been.

If you had Covid and were fatigued, dizzy etc you’d just log on in your pyjamas but wouldn’t be able to travel, surely.

You’ll just have to say you’re ill and can’t travel and your manager is the only one in the know, no problem.

That's fine then. You can be honest with your manager and say that you aren't well enough to go but that you don't want the rest of the team to know it's pregnancy related. Surely your manager is capable of keeping it private?

Covid. And of course everyone will know when you do tell them, and at least half will feel smug and happy when they can say they guessed right!🤣

Back pain is always a good one for wfh. I suffer from it badly and whilst I can still work, commuting is a nightmare.

It’s not my manager I need to explain it to - he won’t be there. It’s my team. But obviously if I take a sick day then I would need to tell my manager and don’t want to take a sick day when I’m well enough to work.

Yes, this isn’t about my manager. It’s me who would need to tell my team, not my manager. My manager wouldn’t be there anyway. So I need to decide how to explain to my team.

Just tell them. It's not a big deal to anyone else really. And it's more draining to get into a lie.
Most people understand that early pregnancy can leave you feeling very unwell and exhausted. And also understand that it's early so still to be cautious. If your boss knows then why not.

My first step was a generic 'under the weather' if it was a work event. If people pressed, I invoked antibiotics and, if pushed further (very rare), I would allude to cystitis in just as much detail as seemed necessary to make the other person back off. Worked like a charm. And would be an ideal explanation about why you could work from home but wouldn't be able to travel...

But agree with PPs that it's easiest to come up with something generic if they'll accept that!

"I'm unable to travel/I'm injured and can't travel/I'm ill and can't travel/I have a family emergency".

I would never dream of asking for details if a colleague couldn't make an event or meeting.

You're overthinking.

Tell your manager the truth, including details of what you are telling the team

Tell the team you aren't well.

This doesn't require this much handwringing. Do you honestly think your manager has never heard of the comcept of keeping a pregnancy under wraps for a few months and would be ok with a white lie?