How the FUCK are you supposed to rest after a C section

[Whydoeslifesuck]

My ELSC was Wed, so I'm only day 3. Yesterday I was feeling much better, but I overdid it with all the walking between wards, NICU, PICU etc. My baby has been in intensive care since he was born, and at 2 days old had surgery under general anaesthetic. I've literally never held him because he's on a ventilator.

I've been discharged and spent the night at home, but woke up feeling like a truck hit me. How the fuck am I supposed to rest, shower, express every 3 hours, eat, spend time with my toddler, and visit the hospital where my toddler isn't allowed in the PICU??? My husband is a wonderful support, but he can only do so much.

I'm not really looking for answers, just feeling really low today. My incision is stinging a bit - community midwives will be out at some point.

Sorry you are suffering, I was discharged after 24 hrs with baby. Luckily gps took toddler and DH did cooking, etc. still didn’t get much sleep though.

Okay.

congratulations on your new baby.

Take your painkillers religiously - even if you feel okay when they are due. Drink plenty of fluids - I mean a couple of pints of squash a day minimum - it is easy to let this slide.

Expressing - when breasts feel full but at this point don’t go more than about 4-5hrs. If you can. Over night is the most important feed as that’s when your prolactin is building for the next 24hrs of feeding.

The toddler will be hard work in the moment but won’t remember this long term so it’s okay to plonk them in front of the tv whilst you rest. I promise.

wishing you and your little baby a good recovery. It gets better I promise.

Why can your DH only do so much?
Its reasonable to expect him to do all the heavy lifting care for your toddler and you just do the nice lighter work bits, and for your DH to do all the cleaning and cooking for the first few weeks.

Day 3 was the worst with both my sections. So sore, tired, hormonal...it gets better I promise! For now, do the bare minimum. DH should be looking after the toddler, cooking, housework, looking after you. You should be in bed/on the sofa/chair in the NICU - resting and expressing. Call in favours for childcare, eat takeaways, make sure you take plenty of painkillers.

Not sure, l had a c section and twins. Personally l just focused on feeding / expressing, holding and changing them. Husband did baby stuff plus washing, cooking etc. We slept in shifts

Day three is a huge hormonal shift. I spent most of it sobbing. Even if nothing at all changes, it will feel so much more manageable in a few days.

This

Plus the baby blues are probably kicking in.

Remember the first few weeks having a baby is absolute hell so you are doing something right and especially with a toddler it's even harder.

Duvet on the sofa and get the Disney films on with the toddler. DH NEEDS to sort the cooking and cleaning. If he can't then screw the cleaning and get takeaways ordered for the next week.

There seems to be barely such a thing as rest when your a mum of two but you will get through it.

I get this. I had an elective section with DS4 and he was in nicu for 4 weeks. Pain was awful afterwards and I just wanted to snuggle up in bed with my baby instead of walking back and forth to nicu, sterilizing bottles etc. I then had a cat 1 emergency section with ds5 but that was so much easier recovery despite having sepsis because he was only in nicu for 5 days and I did do some expressing but not very much.

For the expressing I got into a routine in hospital of expressing when the painkiller trolley came round so 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm, 10pm, 2am. I carried this on at home. For the 2am expressing at home I would sit and watch an episode of downton abbey while I pumped.

Why can your DH only do so much?

He should be doing everything.

You have just had major surgery. If he had just had his appendix out would he be running around?

There is no rest after a c section, and day three is brutal. It must be a thousand times worse if you can't be with your baby all the time and they've needed surgery.

Go easy on yourself and don't expect miracles. Your only job now is to rest as much as feasible (i.e. not much) and to express. All housework and toddler wrangling are on your DH. If he's postponed his paternity leave until the baby is home, get him to take annual leave/parental leave/shared parental leave because you need him.

Oh OP I hear you and I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a difficult time and hope your son makes a quick recovery.

My twins were both in NICU after they were born and I remember how hard it was coping with a C Section recovery and then wanting to be at the hospital... why oh why the chairs in the NICU were so uncomfortable for post partum mums I'll never understand. I also didn't get to hold one of my twins before day 4 and it was incredibly hard, and then about the time you are at now, all of the hormones kicked in and I was a mess.

I assure you, it will get easier and less painful, and when you finally get to hold your precious baby, it all feels a lot more worthwhile. In the meantime, worry about nothing else but you, and your baby. Everything else can wait x

Your husband should be doing all the cooking and cleaning and parenting your toddler for the next 2 weeks. He absolutely shouldn't be at work right now. You just had major surgery and have a baby who is unwell. If he is staying at work by choice then he needs to pay for a cleaner and buy ready meals or do meal prep at the weekend and organise childcare. This isn't your job right now. I lost so much blood with no transfusion after my section that I could barely walk to the toilet and back. He needs to know how bad you actually feel, don't minimise it.

I had relatives move in for 6 weeks, my husband had 4 weeks off work too and my eldest was in nursery. I realised that makes me incredibly privileged. You are absolutely right that we don’t care for women well in this country. In many countries they provide a mother’s help to women as standard.

And the time in hospital has shortened. Twenty years ago I was expected to stay in hospital the night before the ECS and for a week afterwards.

And still it was agony.
Has medication changed since then allowing for a quicker recovery?

I don’t want to belittle your very valid complaints. But day 3 is the hormone crash so a lot of your feelings will be intensified today. Just try and take it one step at a time.

You should not be getting out of bed at all for any reason other than your baby. And your personal needs.

That sentence. Keep reading it. You've just had major surgery. It will take you months to feel normal and for your body to heal and adjust. Expressing is harder than feeding but it will come - just keep going on a schedule. Three hourly might be too long as new borns feed more... and you don't want to get mastitis

Take your painkillers. After a couple of days you might not feel like you need them when they are due, but even low level pain interferes with your sleep.

DH really needs to be looking after your toddler. You can't be moving around to play! And no lifting. You'll delay your recovery.

Day 3 is monumentally crap after a section. It's bad enough with a vaginal birth, but with section pain too it's just horrific. Spent a lot of mine sobbing that I couldn't be with my preemie twins (in incubators) and was missing my eldest (during covid, so you couldn't be coming and going a lot.). Its hard to see, but you'll feel a lot better in 48hiurs or so. The discomfort should really start to decrease by days 5-7. Your hormones will also start to even out in that time.

Expressly I just awful. I hated it. Plan to do it for the minimum possible time. I'm all for feeding by whatever method you chose, but if I had DC5 (no plans to!!!) Then I wouldn't express except except maybe the first week if necessary or perhaps until they are off tube feeding.

Just to add it is so incredibly hard when your baby is in NICU. Everything feels harder and you also have to contend with people telling you at least you can rest and recover 🤬.
My only advice is this is not a normal newborn situation so don't compare yourself at all. Take any help you can and tell NICU your in pain (they do care about the parents too). They found me a comfy reclining chair, suggested I use a wheelchair for some of the endless long corridors round the hospital and at a later point for us hospital accomodation. It will be so much harder for you with a toddler as well. Sending lots of love.

Haha no medication has not changed. I was only offered paracetamol

i was out in 24 hours after my first c section as they needed the bed. It was brutal. Absolutely awful. I insisted on staying for 2 days after my second c section.

my mum had a week in hospital after a straight forward vaginal birth in the 90s and thought I would be in for 2 weeks or so. Ha. I had to say more than a day would be nice

I'm sorry, OP, that sounds really tough.

I'm currently deciding whether to have another section or try a vaginal birth now, and the thing that the consultant and the birth clinic have flagged is that toddlers make section recovery a LOT harder, and incidents of split wounds/infection grow exponentially if you've got a toddler to look after, too. It really is hard.

DH needs to do as much as physically possible for the toddler, and also involve you in a way that doesn't require you to move much/hold them. The rest of your energy and focus goes towards baby.

Remember that day 3 is often really tough, too, so go really easy on yourself.

Would it help to be readmitted? That might be an option, if it's easier for you to be closer to baby, and healing.

I hope you get that first cuddle, and many more, really soon 💐

You turn up in the morning now, and leave 24 hours later, as standard. You'll get offered paracetamol, unless the pain is unmanageable, and then it'll be codeine.

There just isn't a village anymore; and that includes space and staff in hospital to look after you or baby as you recover.

There was nobody to help me get DS after he'd been born, so I had to get out of bed to get him once DH had to leave, which was 90 minutes after DS was born.

DS was in NiCU and SCBU for months. Day 3-7 were really the hardest. Very painful and little respite because of the pumping and emotional stress. Ask the nurses for help with wheelchairs, chairs, pillows etc. They will do as much as they can.
I agree you need to hand over toddler care, do you have any family who can come and support? You need to be doing the absolute minimum and your DH needs to do everything else. He will need to negotiate that and let you look after yourself and baby.
NICU and personal recovery is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it does get easier. I hope your little one is ok x

Your husband should be doing everything with the house, cleaning pump equipment, toddler and driving you to hospital. Bring in parents or paid help if he can't manage this - not your job at all.

You should be resting, pumping while still then passing it back to DH to freeze/ clean whatever. Only moving around to shower yourself & to move between bed, sofa & car for hospital visits. Sit calmly with toddler for tv & cuddles. Nothing else. Thats more than enough to cope with.

It will get better.

I had one other thought. My 3 day hormone change didn’t make me cry it made me furious. I tried to hide my emotional distress. Tell the hospital if you are upset, angry whatever you are feeling. They have access to postpartum mental health support when you are at the hospital and it can help to talk to them. They are very experienced at pulling up husband’s who are not supporting well. My NICU nurse gave my husband a talking that he has never forgotten when he didn’t get me water when I needed it !!

Your husband should be doing everything, including finding someone to look after your toddler. Get in bed and stay there.
In the grand scheme of things, this is only a few days/weeks. If your toddler gets a bit ignored for a bit, it won't have any impact.
Give yourself a break. Make it clear to your husband you need to focus on you right now and do.