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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Giving birth with no birth partner

38 replies

NoBirthPartner24 · 30/10/2024 07:18

Name changed as outing.

I'm being induced on Friday at 37 weeks due to reduced growth.

Without going into too much detail, the baby's dad is no longer with us. As in, passed away.
My mum was going to be my birth partner but she's now unwell and in hospital

The only other person is my sister who is currently in Australia as her husbands dad is end of life. She said she will come home but no flights until Saturday plus her husband needs her.

I have nobody else. There is nobody on the dads side.

Has anybody ever given birth without a birth partner? I know ill have midwives etc but I know there will be times when midwife isn't with me.

This is my first baby and I'm terrified

OP posts:
houseselling101 · 30/10/2024 07:23

Oh gosh I'm so sorry OP

I gave birth to my twins alone - c section though - it was scary but actually it was quite nice to not have him there to faff about and I could focus on me and the babies and the doctors and midwives were amazing

Definitely no friend you could ask?

No change your mum could be out of hospital by the induction date? Is she on the same hospital?

DanielaDressen · 30/10/2024 07:31

I’m a midwife and when we’ve had women in this situation they haven’t been left alone once in labour. If staffing allowed it we’d make sure the midwife looking after you only had you and nobody else to look after but also be trying to get a student midwife in the room as well so if the midwife had to nip to the loo there’s still someone there. I know it’s not the same as having family. And I guess there’s no guarantees …..it’s possible there’s no students on that shift, etc. but they’d really try.

i remember one such situation and i actually had a male med student with me who had never seen a birth and he ended up being that woman’s birth partner and he was instinctively amazing. He was literally holding her up while she hung off him through contractions, rubbing her back, holding her hand for hours. They really clicked and it was so special to see. I hope your birth goes well.

the other thing to consider is a doula if you can afford one or possibly a trainee doula who might do it for free. I don’t know if there are any doula fb groups you could ask on?

Raberta · 30/10/2024 08:49

I haven't done it OP, but I would be happy to. I think it really depends on your personality. I appreciate this is your first and you don't know how you will labour, but many women (myself included) retreat into a sort of mindspace with eyes closed and don't want to be touched and rubbed by a partner particularly. Given that, it wouldn't have made much difference to the actual birth process if my partner was there or not iyswim.

If you can afford a doula that's a great idea by pp.

Otherwise just remember that there was a time in the first covid lockdown when women had to give birth alone. Loads of women will have done it. And loads of women who birth quickly will also have birthed alone simply because their partner couldn't get there in time. It's not ideal but you do what you have to do.

FTMaz · 30/10/2024 10:03

Hi lovely

as above a doula could help and I know some of them are voluntary so wouldn’t cost you. Have a look online to see if there are any in your area.

This is going to sound terrible but I found my partner actually more annoying than anything and think I would have been fine on my own. The midwives were fantastic x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/10/2024 10:23

Hi op I'm so sorry your baby's father has died.

Do you have friends closeby or neighbours? Friends from your nct class? I would let them know your situation. I totally get that you probably won't want them in the room
While you're pushing but to have someone who can be there to pop out to the shops for you and baby/help you to the bathroom if you've had a c section etc would be handy.

Saying that, if the midwives know you're on your own there they will be extra helpful.

What's your plan for getting to hospital when you're I labour and getting home
From hospital?

LemonDrizz · 30/10/2024 10:25

I gave birth on my own as ended up being an emergency c section in the middle of the night and I didn't want to call my mum and wake her up!

Midwives were fab, one of them took my phone to take photos etc and they checked in on me loads afterwards. I quite liked it, didn't have to think about anyone but me and baby and mum came to see us first thing in the morning.

This time my partner will be there... but only because I think he will be offended if I ask him not to be there. Will be a planned c section unless I get severe pre eclampsia again!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/10/2024 10:25

Also if you have savings available, you might want to look into booking a maternity nurse for the first couple of weeks at least when you're at home. Do you have a cleaner? Perhaps ask around and get one of these too to come for a couple of hours twice a week to help with laundry etc. this is the kind of rainy day that savings are for x

middleagedandinarage · 30/10/2024 10:30

Sorry to hear this op. I think how much you depend on a birthing partner depends on you personally and what kind of birth/labour you have. I could of personally done both of my labours/births quite happily without a birthing partner.

middleagedandinarage · 30/10/2024 10:32

I know you probably don't feel like it, but try and get as much as you can done before Friday. Stock up the freezer, get on top of housework/washing etc. And remember, all baby needs in those 1st few weeks is you, get ready to hunker down and enjoy the snuggles, everything else can wait.

HarpieDuJour · 30/10/2024 10:43

I didn't have a birth partner for my 5th (and last!) labour. Of all my labours, it was the best one, and by a good margin the quickest. I was in a busy city hospital, but was never left alone and the midwife was amazing. I didn't miss my husband being there because the other times I had been stressed by thinking about him rather than just being able to get on with it.

mitogoshigg · 30/10/2024 10:46

Speak to your midwife, they can often assign a student who is early on in training to be with you in addition ti the qualified midwife

BabyCloud · 30/10/2024 10:48

I’m sorry you are in this position. Will you have support afterwards?

The midwives will see solo women more than you realise. Having a student midwife present may be a good support option as they can be less hands on and more supportive to you.

I would have been alone but my mum ended up coming. She wasn’t much use so I could have happily done it alone.

Lala1962 · 30/10/2024 11:03

So sorry for your loss.

It depends on your personality. I had my partner with me but honestly wouldn’t have cared if he hadn’t been there. I was induced so at the start it was fine to chat to someone but I also had midwives with me the whole time so got to know them instead. When it ramped up I just went into my own zone, didn’t want DP touching/soothing me or anything like that.

The midwives I had were lovely and all I needed.

NameChange30 · 30/10/2024 11:55

I'm very sorry for your loss.
Definitely look into the doula option, I had one for my second birth and she was worth every penny. You can search on Doula UK.
Also might be a good idea to ask at your next midwife appointment if they can refer you to Home Start, if available in your area they might be able to assign you a volunteer to help you after the birth.
Good luck!

SingingSands · 30/10/2024 12:17

Hi OP

It was a different situation (childcare failure) but I did give birth alone with my second DC, although my DH was outside with our older child. It was a very quick visit as baby was born 15 mins after arriving at the hospital, but being alone with just the midwife was wonderful. It was a very positive experience.

Hope it all goes well for you.

Harriet1989 · 30/10/2024 13:23

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby's dad.

My first baby was with my ex and afterwards I wished I had got a doula - I think someone whose been there and done it would have been amazing. I agree maybe a trainee?

But mainly I think when I would have found it much harder would have been the first few weeks after birth - I think setting up some lifelines now would be a big help. Maybe an antenatal group you can lean on, some friends who could come over and wouldn't mind running the hoover around, a cleaner if you can afford it, setting up some food deliveries etc. any small thing to make life a bit easier.

My NCT group were a life saver for me, someone to message at 2am and ask if anyone had tried nipple shields or share newborn poonami stories with without judgement!

usernother · 30/10/2024 13:28

Yes I did because my OH was away on business. I didn't mind at all. He was at my second birth and tbh it had been better on my own. It's no big deal.

malimoon · 30/10/2024 16:39

I gave birth recently and as soon as I was in active labour I had a midwife with me all the time, plus a student midwife. I was there a while so went through three sets and in my hospital they have so many students that I had two people each time. The only time I was left alone was when my partner and I specifically asked for a minute to discuss things. If I'd been by myself I could have had someone with me the whole time. I think pp are right and if they know you're alone they'll make sure you're accompanied. Midwives are amazing and all of mine were so supportive, even if it had just been them and me I would have felt confident and well looked after.

DreadPirateRobots · 30/10/2024 16:41

Honestly, when I labour what helps me is to be left alone as much as humanly possible. I thought I'd really want DH's support for my first birth and in fact he got on my tits and I felt obliged to give him "jobs to do" when without him I could just have focused and got down to business.

The midwives will take brilliant care of you and it'll be OK.

howluckyami25 · 30/10/2024 16:52

I'm so sorry that your going through this alone, midwives are always fantastic people caring lovely and will 100 percent look after you and make you feel safe, and looked after, have you a friend that you'd be comfortable with going with you. Virtual hugs and hand holds xxx

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 30/10/2024 17:42

I've only given birth once and was completely alone - I had moved overseas to work, with my fiancé, who left while I was pregnant. So I've nothing to compare it to but it was absolutely fine. The nurses were lovely and I enjoyed my weeks of maternity leave alone with my baby before going back to work.

Wishing you all the very best.

NameChange30 · 30/10/2024 20:34

howluckyami25 · 30/10/2024 16:52

I'm so sorry that your going through this alone, midwives are always fantastic people caring lovely and will 100 percent look after you and make you feel safe, and looked after, have you a friend that you'd be comfortable with going with you. Virtual hugs and hand holds xxx

Er, not always, no. The majority of midwives are lovely but there is a (thankfully small) minority that aren't.

However, I don't want to derail or create extra anxiety for the OP, as I'm sure the midwives will take extra care to look after a woman giving birth without a companion.

ToxicKat · 30/10/2024 20:50

I have been in this position. Drove myself to hospital in labour. Drove myself home again. There was some logistic issues such as having to go to car to collect the car seat after birth leaving the baby behind (asked a midwife to watch the baby,) but I managed.. Actually one midwife was so so lovely to me as I was alone. She gave me my own room so I didn't have to go on the ward with dad's and families. I will be forever grateful. Hopefully you get an understanding one who gives that extra support.

Thighdentitycrisis · 30/10/2024 20:56

Hi I did my one and only birth alone. It depends on your personality as someone above said. I was fine but you said you are terrified. I was left alone at times and midwives popped in and out. I didn’t feel abandoned. Talk to your midwife and tell them how you’re feeling but it can’t be that unusual ?

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 31/10/2024 09:56

Do you have a friend who would go?

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