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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Sneaky hospital switcheroo? Help

47 replies

Wolfhat · 28/10/2024 11:48

Ok, I will speak to my midwife of course, but just wanted to gather thoughts on if I am going totally insane.

Baby no. 2 due in Feb. Had a very easy birth first time round and am planning a homebirth this time. At the moment pregnancy is very low risk and obviously if that changes we will scrap all plans and focus only on that.

The problem - my husband has been offered an incredible opportunity which take place right over the week of my due date. Baby due Wednesday, opportunity is sunday to sunday. He said no, didn't even tell me so as not to put me in a difficult position but I found out from a colleague and really want to make it happen.

Opportunity is 4+hrs away. I have close family that toddler knows very well and has stayed with in the area. They are also close to a good hospital. Am i insane to think that we could go up and spend the time with my family and if I go into labour up there, I'll just go to the local hospital? Do they let you do that?

If baby comes before or after Ill do the homebirth as planned. I was late last time and all my family are too but I know thats no guarantee.

If husband was at opportunity when things got serious he absolutely could leave. He would go back next day but we are lucky in that we have big support networks in both places so I've no worries about being with newborn and toddler.

Obvious thing is I stay home and he goes but he wont risk missing the birth so would say no rather that risk being 4hrs away.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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TickingAlongNicely · 28/10/2024 11:50

Don't underestimate how uncomfortable 4+ hours of travelling would be at 40 weeks pregnant

Original poster

Wolfhat · 28/10/2024 11:55

@TickingAlongNicely lol youre not wrong but as its family we can travel up in advance and stay however long after. We can also do it over a couple of days if we need. Husband is freelance and Ill be on mat leave.

OP posts:

DaveWatts · 28/10/2024 11:59

Do you really want to be travelling and away from home at that point in your pregnancy? Don't you want your own bed and house? Would you be happy to potentially spend a week + in a strange hospital if something went wrong and you had to be admitted for a period of time?

Whatamitodonow · 28/10/2024 12:03

if you give birth when he has this “opportunity”, he’ll miss it regardless.

the geography is irrelevant. If you go into labour he’ll have to leave. It’s not as if it’s a 30 min job where he can pop out on his lunch hour, hold you hand while you fire out baby, then be back to whatever it is.

he’s probably going to need a day, possibly 2 or more. How would that impact what he’s doing? Make it pointless if he misses so much?

without knowing what the opportunity is I’m with your dh.

KnittingKnewbie · 28/10/2024 12:06

You'll also have to travel 4+ hours back with a newborn, in pain from delivery. And with a toddler. While feeding whenever baby wants. And stopping every half hour.
Sounds like a nightmare

cheezncrackers · 28/10/2024 12:06

That would be madness OP and as the time gets closer I think you'll realise how mad it is. Just accept that your DH turned it down already and make your peace with that. You won't want to be travelling 4+ hours away at 40 weeks pregnant, your baby might have already arrived by then anyway - I never made it to 40 weeks with either of mine. Sometimes things come up at inopportune times and we just have to shrug our shoulders and go 'Oh well!'

Original poster

Wolfhat · 28/10/2024 12:07

Very good points. Its where im from originally so doesnt feel like a totally new place and as I said, big extended family so wouldn't have to lift a finger and toddler would be well looked after.

Its more will I be allowed to keep two options open for the birth. I know with the homebirth they bring round all the stuff and do the rotas. For me then not to use it seems like a pisstake, I know things change all the time but still. Also would the hospital 4hrs away let me in?

Wouldnt even think about it except it is once in a lifetime for him and hes so amazing. I personally really, really want it for him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wolfhat · 28/10/2024 12:12

Youre all very wise. Glad I posted. Still theres a small voice in my head I can't quiet. Maybe its because first time was so straightforward and I was doing renovations at 41weeks lol still very right that theres no guarantee it will be the same and the baby is more important.

Can you tell other half is the sensible one and Ive my head in the clouds.

We could just move up there from 38weeks when I go on maternity leave. Do they let you plan to give birth in a hospital 4 hours away?

OP posts:

DPotter · 28/10/2024 12:15

I think it would be start raving bonkers personally - to travel up to near this opportunity.I love that you want to facilitate your DH's opportunity but really you can't say now 4-5 months out for your due date, how you will be feeling, how tired you are.

how about your family support coming to stay with you, whilst DH does his thing ? That way you don't have the major travel upheaval both ways, your birth plans can stay the same, and you keep your own bed.

Remember your DH made the decision not to even mention the opportunity to you.

SpottySpotSpots · 28/10/2024 12:15

Assuming you're in the UK, of course they'd let you in! No hospital is going to refuse to take in a labouring pregnant woman just because she's away from her "home hospital".

WhoInvitedHer · 28/10/2024 12:15

I would do it but that's just me.

Whatamitodonow · 28/10/2024 12:18

I’d let him go but stay at home. He can come back at the first twinge.

for him though it sounds like being at the birth is more important that this opportunity, so you probably can’t force him.

isthismylifenow · 28/10/2024 12:18

Surely no hospital will turn away an in labour mother to be?

Could you share what the once in a lifetime opportunity is?

Is it really a very much once in a lifetime one? I think that may alter things.

Inezz · 28/10/2024 12:20

My first was easy too.

My 2nd - also an easy pregnancy- arrived unexpectedly early when we were away in about 2 hours from first twinge to delivery and was in NICU for a week with collapsed lungs then on other less high dependency wards for weeks after. Then we had to get a still unwell baby home when the hospital was hours away from our home. Older DC was stuck at relatives whilst all this was going on and v unsettled.

So I would not advise being too far from home when baby arrives as it's so disruptive and an absolute ball ache in every way no matter how nice all the relatives are.

PensionPuzzle · 28/10/2024 12:22

This, 100%. The logistics of getting home would be an absolute no for me, don't get me wrong I was in the supermarket the day after having DD2 but that was a quick easy birth and the shop was 10 mins round the corner.

MsNeis · 28/10/2024 12:25

I think it would be an upheaval to your toddler, even being with family. I would minimise all changes because becoming an older brother is complicated enough...

Booteek · 28/10/2024 12:27

I think I’d do it if I were you op

Inezz · 28/10/2024 12:28

Oh and remember the baby has to be registered in the district where it is born so you'll need to get an appt to register the birth before you go home.

RomainingToBeSeen · 28/10/2024 12:29

You could probably get to the family's location and I can't imagine another hospital turning you away if you went into labour but logistics of getting home would be a 'no' for me.

Obviously hoping that it wouldn't happen but if you or your baby needed to stay in hospital for a length of time you would be stuck away from home. If you needed a CS the thought of 4+ hours in the car, even a week later, sounds awful.

Can a family member(s) not come and stay with you while DH is away so that you have support if needed? If things start happening could DH just ditch what he was doing and head home?

Original poster

Wolfhat · 28/10/2024 12:30

@Inezz so sorry that happened and youre absolutely right, if a magic 8 ball could promise me the same experience as the first time it would be no question but you can't predict these things.

I'd be more than happy him going and me staying. With my first I needed complete darkness and silence and for no one to touch me as I mooed away for several hours lol, for some reason he found that magical and won't hear of missing it. As others have said thats his choice not mine

I think its the trying to keep two options open thats making me feel guilty and thrown. Maybe if we just make the plan to be up there from 38weeks and we'll stay as long as we need to.

Wish I could say what the thing was but there will be legal stuff around it. I sound very cryptic and exciting, its not but is to him.

OP posts:

BreatheAndFocus · 28/10/2024 12:30

Sorry, but no. I think this is a bad idea. Pregnancy does funny things to our heads and I think your DH was wise not to tell you. He’d probably refuse to do the ‘opportunity’ anyway.

Seriously, stick to your plan and forget you ever found out about the ‘opportunity’ (which will a) probably be not as good as you think; and b) occur again anyway as everything is billed as a ‘great opportunity’ when it’s actually not really).

Stay in your own house with your own things, new baby’s things and your own germs/microbiological climate. You’ll also have your midwives who are familiar with you and baby. Plus it will be sad for baby not to be born at home. Home births are fab and a lot of work goes into them.

As an aside, going to a different hospital might mess up your labour anyway. Your body can kind of clamp up when it thinks it’s not ‘safe’ to give birth, and this can slow or stop labour.

Chocolateteabag · 28/10/2024 12:35

Sounds like you will have lots of support so just do it OP

Life is short - regret the things you do not the things you don't

If it takes you all day to travel home, then it takes all day - just try to plan pit stops etc

The other hospital will not turn you away

If number 2 is a tricky birth - you will have family close by

Silvers11 · 28/10/2024 12:36

@Wolfhat Of course a hospital will not turn you away if you go into labour away from home, but you will be subject to checks in the last 2 or 3 weeks, so if you really, really want to do this, you would need to discuss with your midwifes you are currently seeing and see what could happen if you go to your family for the last few weeks?

But I agree with others, It would be a logistical nightmare trying to return home AFTER the birth with a new-born and a toddler.

So my advice would be that the ONLY way realistically for your DH to go to this opportunity. is if you stay home, with one of your other family members staying with you to look after the toddler. If it happens while he is away, both you and he would need to be ok with the possibility of his not being there for the birth - and possibly not for a few days after, if the baby is born on the due date. Otherwise it would be a waste for him to start the event and have to leave to come home less than half way through the event?

I wouldn't want to do that, myself, especially if it could be a few days before he might see the baby, but it happens to more families than you might think, that the Father is away for work and can't get back quickly, so it's not wrong if that happens. But only you ( and your partner) can say

diddl · 28/10/2024 12:39

If you all go, is there a chance that he would have to come back to work without you, baby & toddler or would paternity leave kick in?

Flor5 · 28/10/2024 12:43

My baby was pretty much constantly attached to my nipple for several weeks. She even screamed down the place for the mere 7 minute journey from the hospital to our house as she obviously couldn't feed then in her car seat. I'm with your DH.

All the best with your pregnancy and birth!

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