Sneaky hospital switcheroo? Help

[Wolfhat]

Ok, I will speak to my midwife of course, but just wanted to gather thoughts on if I am going totally insane.

Baby no. 2 due in Feb. Had a very easy birth first time round and am planning a homebirth this time. At the moment pregnancy is very low risk and obviously if that changes we will scrap all plans and focus only on that.

The problem - my husband has been offered an incredible opportunity which take place right over the week of my due date. Baby due Wednesday, opportunity is sunday to sunday. He said no, didn't even tell me so as not to put me in a difficult position but I found out from a colleague and really want to make it happen.

Opportunity is 4+hrs away. I have close family that toddler knows very well and has stayed with in the area. They are also close to a good hospital. Am i insane to think that we could go up and spend the time with my family and if I go into labour up there, I'll just go to the local hospital? Do they let you do that?

If baby comes before or after Ill do the homebirth as planned. I was late last time and all my family are too but I know thats no guarantee.

If husband was at opportunity when things got serious he absolutely could leave. He would go back next day but we are lucky in that we have big support networks in both places so I've no worries about being with newborn and toddler.

Obvious thing is I stay home and he goes but he wont risk missing the birth so would say no rather that risk being 4hrs away.

No advice to give OP, but I have to say that your comment of 'fire out a baby' has just made me and my former nurse friend howl with laughter.

I would probably do it too, especially the chance to go home and get looked after for a while

You know yourself better than anyone how you’ll feel being in your family’s home and how likely you are to be able to cope with the journey back.

if it was me, I would do it. Just be prepared for unexpected complications and outcome thought into how you could cope in different situations.

OK if it were me, I wouldn’t travel somewhere else to have a baby - as others have said, stay in the comfort of home your own home; I don’t think it’s worth the admin. I’m very close with my family (parents, sister) and they would beg me to stay at home/where I live for the birth of my child, not travel to them.

However, I do appreciate the thought you’re putting in to this, I’d be the same! In terms of DP’s opportunity: is he the sole/chief earner in the family? Is this opportunity going to lead to significant career/financial rewards that will benefit you all in the long run and is going to make a difference to your lives? If the answer is categorically yes, then I would genuinely consider pushing him to go for it and you stay at home - get your family down to the support you. It’s your second child so he’s been through it once before and it sounds like you’re in a strong and very mutually considerate relationship. He’s going to come in to his own once the baby is born, that’s when he’s needed the most (in my opinion!)

Work opportunities come and go, and come again. The birth of your child only happens once. I would prioritise the birth.

Meh, going against the grain here. I'm from the Highlands, 2.5 hours to Inverness (nearest place you can birth). Literally every single woman does that car journey while in active labour. You also do it on the way home the next day with your newborn and your stitches. You also do it regularly in late pregnancy for any appointments like growth scans, which is a round trip so 5 hours. You do it in winter in the snow and in summer stuck in a queue of campervans.

So, whilst that's not ideal, and everybody would prefer to be closer, it's perfectly doable to drive 4 hours in late pregnancy. I wouldn't even blink at it. The travel really isn't a problem (barring that you don't know what specific issues you might have in late pregnancy - horrendous PGP or sixty giant piles or something).

The thing about registering the birth in the same district isn't true in Scotland anyway - babies born in Inverness are brought straight home and registered locally (different district).

If you are genuinely completely comfortable in your family's home, and the nearby hospital is decent for births, I would definitely chat it through with your midwife.

Why are you going against what your husband wants @Wolfhat . He's said no to this, hasn't even told you about it, why are you going behind his back to ignore that?

I missed my daughters birth, due to circumstances beyond my control. DP didn't know she was pregnant until she went into labour. I was uncontactable in work, and so didn't find out I was a father until 6 hours after my child had been born. Absolutely no-ones fault, but still, I missed a huge unique life event.

Your husband wants to experience having this child with you. He wants to be there to support you, he doesn't want to be splitting his focus with this huge opportunity during one of the most important weeks of his life. He said No for a reason, why ignore that?

Hi OP,

A lot of posts seem not to answer your question so yes, as a midwife we absolutely would 'allow' you into a different unit to have your baby.

Research travel times with and without traffic to this other unit and make sure you know the triage/day assessment unit phone numbers in case you need to access care.

What I would suggest is take your notes (if still handheld paper notes) with you, and make sure that you have the main basics written down separately on a birth plan type piece of paper so that the other unit can easily access the information, unless it's all held electronically however not every maternity unit 'talks' to the other if you see what I mean. For this reason, the 'new unit' may likely want to have a blood test on file with them to show your blood group, iron level and platelet levels, just in case for any reason you need emergency blood or request an epidural. If they don't have up to date results on their system this could delay care/pain relief options.

E.g.
Name
NHS no
DOB
Allergies
Your blood group
Your booking BMI
What No baby this is for you
What type of birth you had previously
How much blood you lost last time
How much your last baby weighed at birth
Whether your scans have been normal and the position of your placenta
A quick history of any episodes of reduced movements/bleeding/other admissions to your local day assessment unit and whether you have been on any medication.

Doesn't have to be extensive but these are just quick facts that help us rapidly assess the care we give in the moment/plan for birth accordingly.

Obviously add on any of your wishes e.g. had planned home birth so would like low lighting, minimal interruptions etc etc.

If you do give birth away from home, make sure that the other unit phone/email/leave a message for your local unit with your discharge information so that your local midwives can provide postnatal care. The amount of times we've had calls from women where they've delivered at a different hospital and hadn't received care at home is ridiculous because we're just not told!

If you were going for longer I would suggest a proper 'booking' appointment for the area but this will not prevent you from receiving care of this isn't completed.

And just to add. I work with a lot of military families who often move around during pregnancy so this isn't as rare or as sneaky as you might think ☺️

I would totally do it.

Yeah, the journey back isn't going to be much fun, but I moved house 2 weeks after I had my first which was a 2 and a half hour journey and (unbeknownst to me) also had retained products from delivery so was hemorrhaging too.

Mind you I also made scones whilst in labour with my 4th at home... Which seemed a good idea at the time but I did thoroughly enjoy the scones a couple of hours later.

What I am trying to say is that I am sure you will be grand. As you say you will have close family around to look after the toddler and that would have been a huge relief for me.

Newborns are easy by comparison to toddlers and being very heavily pregnant!

@USaYwHatNow thank you so much for this answer, so helpful and useful. I think if it wasn't possible or could be dangerous then that would be the end of that but as its technically doable...

Everyone is raising very, very valid points and I'm so glad I asked here as its giving me so much to think about, I am taking it onboard. I think Ill chat it through with midwife, family and I know the other hospital does tours so might sneak a peek.

I will ultimately respect husbands wishes but he said no because he always puts himself last and always sacrifices for our family. He has admitted he desperately wants to go for it which is why he didn't tell me. He knew I'd know how important it was and didnt want to put me in that position when he thought i'd made up my mind on the birth.

Very lucky that the second location is home away from home and I'd be spoilt and if I needed to stay 6 months they'd be thrilled lol. The points raised about keeping things as calm and normal for toddler however are very valid. Would need to think about this. Husband is freelance but is going to take a couple of months off and can work from home if needed.

I can't shake the feeling that in my particular, very fortunate circumstances its worth the risk. However, thanks to you lot I now have a list of excellent points to work through and I won't rush in. Im naturally an optimist to the point of naivety.

I lied about the due date its a bit later on but I will come back and update either way.

I switched hospitals at 37 weeks as we were moving 200miles and the sale was delayed (I had been having appointments in new city as I worked there/stayed with family during week and expected to have moved before due date). It wasn't an issue however at an already stressful anxious time the last thing I would suggest is to plan this.
Obviously its your choice and if you go into labour the hosp wouldn't turn you away but how much stuff would you have to take on the trip plus u might go over and be faced with a 4 hour drive home a week overdue...

If you are going for it, it might be worth looking at where hospitals are on the way just on the very long off chance. Unlikely but better to be prepared.

(DH missed DD2s birth due to work... he got home when she was 2 weeks old (Army). Long term it has made no difference.)

I'd be tempted to do this, because me and DH are freelance and often move around, and you sound comfortable with that.

The downsides for me would be, from friends who have had babies very recently, keeping the toddlers routine seems vitally important. A lot more than I thought it would be. The ones that have managed this, seem to have had a much smoother journey. Toddler would be 4 hours away for however long... how much of their routine is replicable somewhere else? Mine meets close toddler friends twice a week and has nursery two days, so we'd not be able to easily replicate that.

Then the drive back. You could minimise time away for the toddler, but a four hour journey sounds awful. I struggled with the 30-minute journey home from hospital. Speed bumps and poor roads make it even worse.

Can DH definitely opt back in to the opportunity if he's turned it down?

I don't believe any hospital will turn a woman in labour away; but I think I'd struggle with the guilt of everyone planning a home birth for me, and knowing that actually I wasn't really planning to use it... they seem to be a lot of effort!

@YouveGotAFastCar youve nailed it in terms of my hesitation around the homebirth. I think before I started this thread I was thinking baby probably wont come on due date (I was testing ovulation so know it was late but they take from the last period regardless and everyone in my family carries long). So I'll keep the plan for the homebirth, nip up and down for the week and ill just check that worst comes to worst Ill be able to give birth at the local hospital. But felt a bit guilty about the prep for homebirth if theres a chance I wouldn't use it so I guess I was hoping for experiences around that.

I really was spoilt with first baby. Was putting up plaster ceiling roses at 40weeks no problem (admittedly they are wonky). Like I said optimism to the point of naivety.

However, everyone has raised such good points that I think Ill put that to bed and if we do it, Ill make the plan to go to the other locations and plan to give birth in that hospital. Its not my first choice but I think worth the trade off.

He can get back into opportunity but window is closing. It's a niche area but its his work and his passion since he was a boy. It really wont make any financial difference to us but is a big thing. Think youre an art historian and you have the chance to be the one to study and restore the mona lisa before it goes back behind the glass, or archeologist and youre the one that gets to go and uncover a lost Egyptian tomb that youve theorised about for decade.

Not that cool by a long shot but that level of excitement for him (he's an oddball). He so, so deserves it.

If you are comfortable giving birth where your family is, you could just plan to give birth there. No issues with switching at 38 weeks or whatever but if that's the plan, tell the midwife because they need to plan for home births, and they can cancel yours (if you unexpectedly go into labour earlier you can give birth in hospital near your house)

If you really want DH to take the opportunity (DH had to leave for ten days when DC4 was 3 days old) why not stay at home and have your mum/sister/friend stay do they can support in absence of DH.

At least that way you’re in your own surroundings and have everything you want to hand.

I was meant to be travelling to a wedding at 39 weeks and I queried with my midwife if I needed to come back to our hospital if something happened. She told me to go to the nearest hospital, they will treat you. Take all your notes with you, your car seat and hospital bag with you. Recognise that they might have a different process than your trust but yes, you can go to another hospital and receive care.

Registering the birth might be a bit of a pain but if you have family you can stay with, I don’t see an issue. Yes, your drive will be longer than it would normally and more uncomfortable but you have the time to take it slow and steady.

I guess it’s whether you plan the home brith though or just accept going to the hospital wherever you are. That way no resource has gone into the home birth and you can be as flexible as you want.

I think this would be a good idea & perhaps best for toddler.

Husband might miss the birth though as he will be 4hrs away & even if he didn't might want to be gone again pretty soon after.

The only way I would contemplate this was if it was all arranged in advance, I was properly booked into the maternity hospital close to where I'd be staying and I'd had a chance to visit to make sure I knew where I was going when I went into labour. I am sure if you happened to be four hours away from home when you went into labour the local NHS maternity ward would do their best to help you, but I think you're much more likely to have a positive experience if you plan ahead with them. I suspect if you opt to do this your local team will want to stand down the home birth team. I had a home birth and I recognised and really appreciated how challenging it is was for them to have two midwives on rota ready to drop everything and come to my home when I needed. It really is an amazing that option is available to us for free, and I'd feel guilty if it was set up for me while I was four hours away! Personally I think you need to make a decision on where you are going to be for the weeks around your due date and plan accordingly. And just a word of warning - my second birth was much more complicated than my first so don't assume that because it went well once that it will be problem-free again. Wishing you all the best!