I am so scared all the time, 24/7

[AprilBaby2025]

I am 15 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has been textbook good so far. Except I have severe health anxiety/OCD. And (possibly?) high blood pressure. I am 30 with a BMI of 22 and eat well. I have had anxiety and OCD since I was a toddler. My health anxiety has been with me since I was 9.

After every pregnancy milestone I think my anxiety will get better, but it never does.

First 8 weeks - I was convinced they wouldn't find a heartbeat on the 8 week scan. I didn't have many symptoms. Baby was great. Worries didn't stop.

Weeks 9-12: I was convinced the NT would be enlarged. It turned out to be 1.2mm and the NIPT was low risk. Anxiety didn't stop there!

Week 13 - Now: blood pressure. I have had "issues" my entire life. Since I was a kid. I was always told it was white coat / bad anxiety. Which made/makes sense since I get very stressed whenever I take it. And I have had an anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember. The past few years I have been in fight or flight mode 24/7 (yes, not healthy). But I basically have PTSD from having my BP taken due to an experience as a very young kid. My blood pressure is like a rollercoaster whenever I take it. It is absolutely impacted by stress, no doubt about that. But I do not know what my real reading is. It could be high, it could be normal, it could be borderline.

I went to see my midwife for my very first appointment a week ago. I broke down in tears as soon as I stepped into the office due to my medical anxiety. She was great and very supportive. She took my BP with a manual reader (the one with the bulb you squeeze) and she said it was normal (120/84). She took it at the end of the appointment. I don't believe this reading since I have NEVER had it that low in a medical office before (granted, they're always taken at the very beginning of the appointment and always with an automatic machine). It's usually sky high.

I try taking my blood pressure at home. I have anxiety attacks when I do it. If I take it and it is high, I have a meltdown and go into a deep spiral (which of course worsens the BP). I had a MASSIVE anxiety attack 2 weeks ago due to my home BP.

And then, the research. I read journal article after journal article about chronic hypertension and pregnancy outcomes. I am a scientist at a university so I have access to medical journals. They say 30% get pre-eclampsia, and about 10-15% get it before 34 weeks! And the prenatal death rate is about 4-5%! I am FREAKING OUT. And I read a couple of posts on forums from women with high blood pressure who got pre-e extremely early (before viability or early viability) and their babies didn't survive.

I can't do this. I am SO convinced that this baby won't make it. I can't be excited. I have panic attacks for days before any medical appointment. I don't want to look at baby things or even think of baby things. We started telling people and I regret it because the chance is so high something will go wrong. I am paralyzed everyday. This is impacting my job performance and my relationship with my wonderful husband. All I do is sit and cry about blood pressure. My husband and I don't have fun together anymore because I just stress and cry about blood pressure and losing our baby girl.

I am in therapy and I started Zoloft a week ago.

I am scared. I can't do anything else. Each day is hell. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to enjoy this pregnancy and trust everything will be fine. Because I am SO convinced it won't be. Help? :(

My husband is very supportive, but I know this is draining for him. He genuinely thinks I am fine and everything will be fine.

Please don’t think your alone, I felt the same, to the point I spoilt the experience for myself.
Mine was an IVF pregnancy and we had been trying from 7 years.
From the day I seen my positive test to the day the baby arrived every single day was stressful and a worry.
I had a textbook pregnancy (I was on monthly scans after 5 months but that was due to my age .. I was 40 but there was no other issues) so really had nothing to worry about.
I paid for numerous private scans, I think there were 5 scans before my 12 week scan and a few after that. After every scan I would feel a sense of relief and complete happiness but within 2 days I was stressing over every little thing again.
I paid for private HCG tests after getting a positive and even though the numbers were fine I convinced myself they were not good enough.
Once I got to monthly NHS scans each appointment I would come home and cry as I thought the measurements were too small (in particular babies femur which measured lower than average every time). It turned from an enjoyable experience each scan to me crying all night for fear of something going wrong.
When baby started to move I would stress out that it wasn’t moving enough and get my Doppler out which by the way again only caused more stress.
I think I only started to accept all would be ok by about 30 weeks and even then I would still stress.
When you want something so badly and your hormones are all over the place nothing seems rational.
I have never suffered with any sort of mental illness so I can only image what this sort of worry does to people that do sadly suffer.
I have a beautiful, healthy 7 month old baby boy who by the way has long legs (so scan measurements didn’t match up) which does make all the stress seem worthwhile.
Please try to relax and enjoy this pregnancy, I didn’t and it’s probably the only pregnancy I’ll have due to my age. If I had my time again I would enjoy and stress less but that’s easier said than done.
Wishing you all the best x

Wishing you all the best too, I have always been a worrier and I also worried about all of the above and i was petrified whenever the baby didn’t move as much. One of my friends was also the same, she had reassurance scans every week between 12-20 weeks because she was so worried.

I really only felt comfortable when the baby arrived and was in my arm. hang in there, you’re definitely not alone x

Just for a stand point from someone neutral, I’m reading this thinking it’s just high blood pressure. You’re not a high risk pregnancy nor or you being treated as such. The only person who is concerned is you, not any medical professional. Things are extremely likely to lead to a happy healthy baby. You don’t want toy look back at your pregnancy and it be ruined by your own anxieties. Good you’re in therapy and taking meds but this is a massive issue to you and to anyone else

You're a healthy weight, and everything suggests you have a healthy baby. How heavily do you sleep? Can you get your husband to take your blood pressure while you sleep to see what it is without an emotional response? Because it does sound like once you're calmer it's a normal level.

You need to brace yourself though. Once you feel movements you've then got the endless worry of whether they are reduced. I don't have health anxiety and that was a big stress for me, so having a good support team in place will be important.

I could relate to everything you said word for word. I felt exactly the same, first pregnancy, no rational reason to feel like I did. I ended up having weekly private therapy with a specialist perinatal counsellor, which made a huge difference, it was expensive but it made a huge difference. I think your midwife could help you access this but you might have to directly ask - I sobbed my way through every appointment with mine including my very first at something like 6 weeks but she never even raised an eyebrow that it might not be normal!

I think Zoloft (if its the same as Sertralin and I think it is..) often makes things worse during the first couple of months so be extra kind to yourself and try to be aware that your brain will make everything seem worse than it is and try to take the anxiety with a grain of salt. Easier said than done I know, I am the exact same as you, mad anxious all the time no matter how much reassurance I get.

Step away from the journal! I have access so I get it but you aren't doing your health anxiety any favours.
Have you had a referral to the perinatal mental health team? I would push for this if you haven't already. Health anxiety can make pregnancy and the newborn period so difficult. I was in a mother and baby unit who was panicked because her babies check was moving. She was watching the baby breathing and was utterly convinced that it meant something terrible. It can make you think up is down the sky is green and life is death.
I hope the meds help but do reach out for as much support as you can get.

Zoloft can actually increase your anxiety in the first month or so. Once it settles down, you should feel much better. In the mean time, make sure you are eating and drinking, focus on trying relaxation techniques as much as you can. Warm baths, scented candles, light hearted media. You can also try writing out your thoughts and analyse them, see if you can start to identify irrational ones.

The doctor that took your blood pressure manually, she sounds great. She recognised your anxiety, calmed you down and took a proper reading. 120/84 is literally textbook normal BP. You are healthy, your baby girl is healthy, the best thing you can do for her is to be gentle with yourself and do what you can to lower your stress levels. Even just for a few minutes.

I am actually very worried for when I feel movements because I know my OCD will go into overdrive. I know I will spend all day counting how many times I feel her move. When I first got pregnant, I was obsessed with taking tests. I took them every time I peed. I often forced myself to pee just to take another test. And then I compared them for progression.

So kick counts will drive me crazy. I hope the Zoloft "kicks in" soon.

I think you need counselling OP I mean some anxiety is totally normal but this is not healthy , you need to stop checking your own BP for one if you have not been told to do it at home you are making yourself worse . How will you cope when the baby comes ? How will you cope with them sleep if the are breathing etc ? Again some anxiety around new baby is totally normal but I would really worry about how you will cope please seek professional help / counselling before your baby arrives

Also I can not stress this enough you should not use a Doppler !! A Doppler will pick up the placenta or your heart beat if you aren't a trained medical professional that knows how to use it ! It's going to cause you more anxiety than anything else , get rid of it !

I don't know if this is helpful, but I work as a life coach / mindset coach; one of the more challenging questions we sometimes ask clients (and myself) is "How is this behaviour serving you"? If you're in the medical field you'll know that maladaptive behaviours/addictions actually serve us in some way - they protect us from uncomfortable feelings or are often more familiar to us than joy, ease, calm, etc, which can feel wildly unusual!

As you're in therapy this might not be unfamiliar to you, but it may be worth exploring, for a completely different take on this?

What benefit are you getting from being so anxious? Unconsciously, why might you be preventing yourself from fully enjoying the pregnancy, given that the medical profession haven't highlighted serious health concerns?

Well done...very for reaching out and saying out aloud how you feel. Not an easy thing to do...well done again.
Anything you can do to ease your anxiety NOW is worth doing. I was incredibly anxious with my first pregnancy. I honestly believe now that the anxiety I experienced during pregnancy was picked up my baby at the time. ANYTHING you can do to ease your stress/worry/anxiety ...do it now. Maybe you have started in fact by pwning it and telling us on here what's REALLY going on with you internally. ITS OK, ITS ALL OK. You are not alone ...AT ALL!! Sending love and hugs and support for you xx

The most helpful thing a midwife said to me was that babies sleep in roughly 45 minute chunks in the womb. So once they are big enough (say around 28 weeks) you should be feeling something most hours. You won't always notice if you're busy, but once sat down you should be able to then tell. My baby was very active 5.30pm - 3am (they all have their own patterns) but I'd feel the odd poke over the rest of the day every hour or so.

Thank you. I am in therapy and started taking Zoloft a week ago. My midwife also gave my contact information to a public health nurse who is suppose to call me with some more resources.

I do not own a doppler. I asked my husband if I can get one and he said no way in hell because yes, it will make my anxiety a lot worse and I will obsess over it. But I do not have one and will not be getting one.

OP, those stats you’re quoting about pre eclampsia sound either way like you are misinterpreting or misrepresenting them. Put these stats back in context for us.
‘They say 30% get pre-eclampsia, and about 10-15% get it before 34 weeks! And the prenatal death rate is about 4-5%! I am FREAKING OUT.’
30% get actual pre-eclampsia or 30% present some symptoms of pre-eclampsia by the end of pregnancy? Then the 10-15% - that’s of those who develop pre-eclampsia or 10-15% of pregnant women. And then the prenatal death rate of 4-5% - death of who? Baby? Mother? And again 4 - 5 % of who? It can’t be 5% of the 30% of all pregnant women because that would be like saying all stillbirths are caused by preeclampsia which is not the case. And the maternal death rate in the UK is nowhere near that high.
Are some of those stats mixing up pre-eclampsia with full blown eclampsia?
You’re a scientist. Put those stats back in context then start putting your own protective factors back into the equation - you’re fairly young, at a healthy bmi, everything is going great physically so far, your blood pressure reading was good, you haven’t had any protein picked up in your urine samples, and you’re having regular appointments so any issues will be picked up early while they are still easily controllable or treatable.
Pretend you’re calculating the risk profile for someone else if it helps.
You know this is mind over matter stuff. Keep asking for help with your anxiety. That’s the real problem and you clearly have enough insight to realize that. You can control your anxiety. It’s hard but it’s not impossible and you have plenty of motivation to do it.

The stats quotes are from studies that looked at pregnancy outcomes in women with chronic hypertension (hypertension before 20 weeks). So 30% of women with chronic hypertension got pre-e, about 10-15% delivered babies before 34 weeks (this was due to either pre-e or very high blood pressure) and 4-5% of the women with chronic hypertension (this is on the higher end of numbers I've seen) delivered babies that did not make it (either stillborn, intra-uterine death or died within 28 days of birth). Most of the deaths were because pre-e developed so early they had to be delivered early.

Everyone (husband, mom, best friend) keeps telling me my only issue is my anxiety.

Ok. But you don’t have chronic hypertension. So those stats don’t apply to you.

OP for your child's sake do your hardest to get your anxiety under control.

If you don't your child will possibly end up like you.

I'm saying this in a nice way. 🙂

Ok Op just a few points

I had Pre eclampsia I gave birth in June gone my baby was and is absolutely fine and so am I ... but you don't have it so please stop reading medical journals your feeding your fear.

Also absolutely no point in counting kicks every baby is different some are more active than others mine was a very quiet baby if I had counted kicks honestly I would have been in the hospital everyday ! Once you feel movement your ok , you are going to drive yourself crazy !

I mean this in the nicest possible way and it's coming from a place of concern , you need to get a handle on all of this , how does your husband handle your OCD and all this anxiety? The most patient partner would be drove absolutely demented with all of this , would you actually be fit to care for a baby if you're so consumed with OCD and anxiety? I'm genuinely worried about that.

I was super anxious in both my pregnancies and didn't enjoy them at all, was just counting down to getting a healthy baby. I had very intrusive and random thoughts that were nonsensical but I couldn't let go of - in hindsight was likely a form of OCD that I've always had but it got much worse with pregnancy.Some anxiety is normal, it's just being a parent, your worries multiply - but sounds like a good idea you got help. It does get easier, I can't believe how anxious I was now about things that didn't matter in the long run.

Hi OP,

I definitely have white coat syndrome! I always say to whomever is doing my blood pressure that it will read as hyper tension on the machine, but will be normal if done manually.

Had my midwife appointment today.
On the machine I was 180/97
Done manually I was 120/68

My midwife explained that fullness of bladder, height of arm, caffeine, talking and incorrect cuff size all affect the reading being taken.

That’s interesting that yours was so much different too using a manual cuff.

You need to seek counselling or find a way to manage this op before the baby arrives.

Remember asking a wise elderly gp when I could stop worrying meaning how many weeks pregnant. She looked me straight in the eye and said “never! My son is 53 and I’m still worried”. Once the baby is born there’s a whole world of new things to fret over. Parenting is a long game so you will
need to find coping mechanisms.

Have you looked into hypnobirthing or therapy in general? Anxiety is common during pregnancy but like someone else said, are these thoughts serving you. A bit of guidance from a professional could give you the tools to deal with it. You can overcome this and why not start now before baby arrives as there are always going to be situations in life that could cause anxiety. But it is up to us whether we allow it to affect us or not. I also sometimes worry about birth etc, but I decided to take it day by day. I tell myself: Today I am pregnant and healthy, my baby is fine. If something changes, I will deal with it then, not now because it is not a real situation now.
Wishing you well.

Have you spoken to your midwife about your anxiety? If you're in the UK you can be referred to the peri-natal mental health team for support. I have severe health anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder, and pregnancy was really bloody hard. I had lots of help, felt really supported and I actually think it helped my mental health in the long term as six years later I'm doing much better.

You need to get a handle on your mental health, regardless of your blood pressure.