I am so scared all the time, 24/7

[AprilBaby2025]

I am 15 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has been textbook good so far. Except I have severe health anxiety/OCD. And (possibly?) high blood pressure. I am 30 with a BMI of 22 and eat well. I have had anxiety and OCD since I was a toddler. My health anxiety has been with me since I was 9.

After every pregnancy milestone I think my anxiety will get better, but it never does.

First 8 weeks - I was convinced they wouldn't find a heartbeat on the 8 week scan. I didn't have many symptoms. Baby was great. Worries didn't stop.

Weeks 9-12: I was convinced the NT would be enlarged. It turned out to be 1.2mm and the NIPT was low risk. Anxiety didn't stop there!

Week 13 - Now: blood pressure. I have had "issues" my entire life. Since I was a kid. I was always told it was white coat / bad anxiety. Which made/makes sense since I get very stressed whenever I take it. And I have had an anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember. The past few years I have been in fight or flight mode 24/7 (yes, not healthy). But I basically have PTSD from having my BP taken due to an experience as a very young kid. My blood pressure is like a rollercoaster whenever I take it. It is absolutely impacted by stress, no doubt about that. But I do not know what my real reading is. It could be high, it could be normal, it could be borderline.

I went to see my midwife for my very first appointment a week ago. I broke down in tears as soon as I stepped into the office due to my medical anxiety. She was great and very supportive. She took my BP with a manual reader (the one with the bulb you squeeze) and she said it was normal (120/84). She took it at the end of the appointment. I don't believe this reading since I have NEVER had it that low in a medical office before (granted, they're always taken at the very beginning of the appointment and always with an automatic machine). It's usually sky high.

I try taking my blood pressure at home. I have anxiety attacks when I do it. If I take it and it is high, I have a meltdown and go into a deep spiral (which of course worsens the BP). I had a MASSIVE anxiety attack 2 weeks ago due to my home BP.

And then, the research. I read journal article after journal article about chronic hypertension and pregnancy outcomes. I am a scientist at a university so I have access to medical journals. They say 30% get pre-eclampsia, and about 10-15% get it before 34 weeks! And the prenatal death rate is about 4-5%! I am FREAKING OUT. And I read a couple of posts on forums from women with high blood pressure who got pre-e extremely early (before viability or early viability) and their babies didn't survive.

I can't do this. I am SO convinced that this baby won't make it. I can't be excited. I have panic attacks for days before any medical appointment. I don't want to look at baby things or even think of baby things. We started telling people and I regret it because the chance is so high something will go wrong. I am paralyzed everyday. This is impacting my job performance and my relationship with my wonderful husband. All I do is sit and cry about blood pressure. My husband and I don't have fun together anymore because I just stress and cry about blood pressure and losing our baby girl.

I am in therapy and I started Zoloft a week ago.

I am scared. I can't do anything else. Each day is hell. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to enjoy this pregnancy and trust everything will be fine. Because I am SO convinced it won't be. Help? :(

My husband is very supportive, but I know this is draining for him. He genuinely thinks I am fine and everything will be fine.

I felt so anxious too thought out my pregnancy. Therapy will help. Just know that whatever happens you will be ok xx

I have spoken to my midwife about my anxieties. She has been great. She sent my information to public health and a nurse is suppose to call me with more resources.

That's great, I really hope you get some support soon. Take whatever they offer! I have a mental health midwife visit every two weeks before and after the birth, it was so helpful.

Some anxiety is normal as your brain is affected by huge hormonal changes at the beginning. But kindly, focus on getting all the help you can with your anxiety, maybe add a course of CBT to your therapy. Health anxiety can negatively impact your child once you have it and it’s much more important to fix this before trying to fix imaginary health issues.

I know the feeling I’m going through it as well how are you how ?

Thank you. My midwives have been extremely helpful and supportive. I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl 4 weeks ago, when I was 39 weeks. Spontaneous labour and very uncomplicated birth (I was super convinced I would need to be induced or have a c section).

I am on Zoloft now, which I started during the last week of my pregnancy. It is helping. I was also prescribed Ativan to take before my midwife appointments, so that has helped with the immediate anxiety of the appointments. I also switched therapists and started seeing a psychologist specializing in OCD.

I have severe anxiety. It’s no longer focused on pregnancy stuff because I’m not pregnant anymore. But it is focused on cancer now and worrying about that all day long, so life is still difficult. But I’m trying.