Reasons for not drinking at a wedding

[FeminineRageTheMusical]

It’s my cousin’s wedding this weekend and I am currently 1st trimester pregnant with my second child. Now for obvious reasons I don’t want to tell people at the wedding, it’s her big day and not a chance in hell I’d try and steal any thunder.

Only my DH knows, I’m not telling any of my close family until after the 12 week scan as they are an anxious bunch and I’ve miscarried in the past so there is no point putting everyone through the worry!

Trouble is, everyone knows how much I (used to!) love a glass (or 4) of wine and last time I tried to not drink at a wedding years ago when I was pregnant with DD I did a terrible job of hiding it! The ceremony and reception are all at the hotel and we are staying there, because it is 4 hours from where we live, so I can’t say I’m driving.

Please can you help with any successful, or unsuccessful ways of not drinking at weddings or big events x

I'd just tell people I was doing sober for October for charity. Then maybe give some of the money you would have spent on booze to charity just so you wouldn't feel bad for telling a fib

Just drink a lemonade. Genuinely don’t think that people who are drinking,will notice once they have had a couple of drinks !

Have sparkling water with a shot of juice in it, and if anyone offers you alcohol say you are cutting down on booze and pacing yourself.

If someone guesses, just accept the congratulations gracefully and let them and the other people around you decide how much they want to talk about it.

To be honest, I am getting increasingly irritated by this idea that it is the responsibility of women to hide their reproductive state to spare other women's feelings all the time.

At one time, there was just a general rule that you didn't go into someone's wedding with a big I'M PREGNANT announcement - fine, fair enough. Increasingly, it seems like women are under pressure to hide any evidence of pregnancy or their own engagement or any other life news they may have, at weddings and even at other wedding-associated events like hen parties.

I mean, what's the next step - are women going to be told to stay at home and not go to weddings if they are visibly pregnant? Or refrain from getting engaged in the same year as a friend because "your friend was first to get engaged and this is taking attention away from her"? The whole IT'S THE BRIDE'S BIG DAY stuff is just getting a bit of out control, frankly. It's just a wedding. Life goes on. Other people, including wedding guests, have life events too.

(I've also seen non-wedding versions of this around things like birthdays; women having tizzies because they organized a "birthday brunch" and someone shared the news that they had got pregnant or been promoted. "MY BIRTHDAY IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME!")

They do if it is Flagyl (Metronidazole).

OP say you are on Flagyl. It is chemically very similar to Antabuse which is used to help alcoholics stop drinking, if you mix it with alcohol it makes you feel extremely ill.

Well it is! Upstaging an event be it birthday, wedding, engagement with news of your own has been a breach of etiquette rules for at least a hundred years.

It's extremely rude and nothing to do with the concept of bride/birthdayzillas. Everyone has the right to have the focus on them for one day especially when they are paying for the party.

Anyway the OP doesn't want people to know mainly because she's not at 12 weeks yet not because she feels pressure to 'hide her fertility' . Thats understandable

No. The idea that it would be a breach of etiquette for someone to mention their pregnancy or work promotion during a friend's birthday brunch, is an extremely new idea (and even now, mostly not normal).

Among the people I know, of course everyone shares news when we get together, regardless of whether the event is a birthday or not. Ditto weddings.

I also kept pregnancy quiet before I was at 12 weeks, but if someone had figured it out anyway at a birthday or wedding, I wouldn't have much cared. It's not a deep dark secret.

As others have suggested just pretend you’re drinking, I used to do this and once people had a few glasses themselves nobody noticed.

Order mocktails

See the OP

Completely agree. That's what I went for the approach I described upthread.

No "announcing" (urgh concept anyway) but no faffing about creating elaborate fake drinks or lying either. If someone outright asked I answered honestly with the caveat it was early days. Simple. And really the least amount of drama if you are genuinely not wanting to invite speculation.

I did this at my sister’s wedding, very convincingly. The downside is that my DH drank a lot more than usual!!

Literally no one will notice, I was at a big family party a little while back and not one person cared a jot if I were drinking or not. People are far less observant than we fear when pregnant.

oh no that’s awful. Hope you’re ok x

Take a bottle of nosecco (alcohol free prosecco) with you.
Dd did this when she was pregnant, no-one noticed.
Pour a glass before you go in and carry it around or put it in a gift bag & keep it under the table.
When the drinks start flowing no-one will be keeping an eye on what you're drinking.

You might as well walk around with your positive pregnancy test in your hand!

Perfect solution

When I was pregnant with ds3 we had a big family wedding in the first few weeks. And there were lots of free drinks and waiters that kept coming over to top you up.

We drank the same (wine) and were mainly seated or standing together. We just swapped glasses after dh had drunk half of his, then again when he'd finished.

He was hammered that day 😂😂 But no one noticed me not drinking.

This made me laugh out loud

I found out I was pregnant the day before a ladies day at the horse racing. I was pretending I was drinking g&t was only tap water , I had told one friend and was passing her my booze when no one was looking. Unfortunately she ended up really drunk 😂

Yes, because everyone who says they are taking antibiotics is automatically thought of as a liar. I've been on antibiotics for two weddings and haven't been drinking alcohol and wasn't accused of being pregnant by anyone.

Driving ?

Take a bottle of fizzy water with you. Tip out champagne and fill it with that. Order gin and tonic. Without the tonic. Ask for a gin glass

Even if you had a sip what harm is it really going to do? Stop worrying you may find they sell alcohol free wine so you can drink away.

Why though when it’s a blatant lie, that then leads into a whole unnecessary conversation about it. It’s just making the whole thing more complicated, honestly other people are generally sooo much less interested in what other people are even drinking than you’d think, so making up anything about it always looks suspicious.

We told my husband's family at a big family dinner I was on antibiotics for a tooth infection when I was about 11-ish weeks. They never once considered I could be pregnant as I already had two much older children from my first marriage.
They were rather shocked when we did tell them (but also delighted) ❤️