Am I Stealing her thunder

mummymeerkat90 · 2024-09-30T09:54:55+00:00

Partner and I have just found out we are pregnant with #5, we are thrilled but it's early days (1-2 on conception indicator) so we haven't told anyone. My SIL came over and announced that she is pregnant with her first baby. Such exciting news and we are thrilled!! I'm just really worried that when we want to announce ours, she will feel like we are stealing her thunder. I really don't want to ruin this moment for her, this major life event I don't want to stamp all over it. I'm not sure how to navigate this TIA

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Blusterydaytodaypoohbear · 30/09/2024 10:56

Why should your 5th dc be less celebrated than her first?
Maybe await both of you having had a scan and then announce it like you would with any of your dc.... Congratulations!

Original poster

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 10:59

I'm not sure if I'm overthinking it but I feel like me announcing my pregnancy will make her really upset

I mean they'll be cousins the same age so that in itself is amazing!

I just don't want to upset her

OP posts:

itwasnevermine · 30/09/2024 11:03

Only you know your SIL and if this is likely to upset her.

If you think it will, have a private word with her and explain that you'll be announcing it and you don't wish to upset her.

LadyMinerva · 30/09/2024 11:04

Give her some time to enjoy being the focus. Once you've had a scan in a few months, quietly tell her and make sure she knows that you don't want to steal her thunder then tell everyone else. Doesn't need to be a big announcement.

DappledThings · 30/09/2024 11:06

I don't understand this stealing the thunder business. Most adults are perfectly capable of being excited for their children and impending grandchildren in equal measure.

Feeling the need to be the centre of attention or that someone else having the same common life experience as you at the same time stops you being that centre of attention is massively immature.

Just tell people. Doesn't need to be a big announcement, just mention it when it seems natural to do so.

Original poster

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:07

Thankyou.
It's such a wonderfully weird situation.

It could either pull us closer and we could go through this together
Or
She'll feel like I've come in and taken over and I really don't want that.

OP posts:

2chocolateoranges · 30/09/2024 11:07

This happened to us, my brother and wife announced she was pregnant, 6 months later I announced we were having our baby and brothers wife was livid saying I was stealing their thunder. Both babies were 2 nd child’s. Anyway they organised their child’s naming day for 2 weeks after my due date, obviously wanting their child to be centre of attention and hoping we didn’t go..

we went (I’m my brothers only sibling ) and it was the first time most family had met our new week old baby so she wasn’t happy with the fact I was stealing her thunder again.

to be honest,life at times felt like a competition between them and themselves, they booked their wedding in the same hotel we had ours in only 12 weeks after our wedding , our wedding day was practically the same , we’ve cut contact, life is so much easier.

EdithStourton · 30/09/2024 11:11

Whenever I see threads like this I'm boggled by how pathetic some people are.

One of my SILs had her last baby a few months after I had my first. Everyone was delighted for everyone else. Sure, don't announce your pregnancy at a family wedding, but someone being livid because someone else has got pregnant and would like to share the news... WTF?

SomewhereAround · 30/09/2024 11:11

Respectfully, OP, having a baby may be the most everyday occurrence in the world. Obviously, it's important to the parents themselves, and to an extent to the people who love them, any siblings of the baby etc, but to pretty much everyone not immediately involved it rates a 'That's nice' and not much further thought.

If she'd just won a Tony and you won an Oscar a week later, you might be 'stealing her thunder' in the family at large. But expecting a baby is only a matter of 'limelight' and 'thunder-stealing' for people who have very little else going on in their lives.

OP, you've already done this four times -- surely you didn't expect the entire extended family to conceal their pregnancies for fear of 'stealing your limelight'?

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 30/09/2024 11:13

She might be one of these weirdos that feels like you've stolen her thunder but that's for her to manage. Your alternative to telling your family is you keep your pregnancy secret and hope your family don't notice you've had another baby not practical for most of us.

Original poster

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:15

2chocolateoranges · 30/09/2024 11:07

This happened to us, my brother and wife announced she was pregnant, 6 months later I announced we were having our baby and brothers wife was livid saying I was stealing their thunder. Both babies were 2 nd child’s. Anyway they organised their child’s naming day for 2 weeks after my due date, obviously wanting their child to be centre of attention and hoping we didn’t go..

we went (I’m my brothers only sibling ) and it was the first time most family had met our new week old baby so she wasn’t happy with the fact I was stealing her thunder again.

to be honest,life at times felt like a competition between them and themselves, they booked their wedding in the same hotel we had ours in only 12 weeks after our wedding , our wedding day was practically the same , we’ve cut contact, life is so much easier.

Thankyou so much for sharing this.
That must have been so draining for you, can't imagine the mental stress that came along with that.
Pregnancy is so hard anyway without all of that.

I'm not trying to compete with her and I don't want to make her feel like she not important or special.
Her pregnancy is going to be extremely special and the whole family will make her feel special.

I wouldn't want this to come between us.

OP posts:

TemuSpecialBuy · 30/09/2024 11:15

You are 2 weeks pregnant… which honestly is barely pregnant

make a big fuss over her for 10 weeks or so then announce your own….
and say how lovely they’ll be close in age and you hope she feels the same. You love her and you want your families to be close blah blah.

if you show consideration and she wants to be weird there isn’t much you can do tbh

Original poster

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:19

SomewhereAround · 30/09/2024 11:11

Respectfully, OP, having a baby may be the most everyday occurrence in the world. Obviously, it's important to the parents themselves, and to an extent to the people who love them, any siblings of the baby etc, but to pretty much everyone not immediately involved it rates a 'That's nice' and not much further thought.

If she'd just won a Tony and you won an Oscar a week later, you might be 'stealing her thunder' in the family at large. But expecting a baby is only a matter of 'limelight' and 'thunder-stealing' for people who have very little else going on in their lives.

OP, you've already done this four times -- surely you didn't expect the entire extended family to conceal their pregnancies for fear of 'stealing your limelight'?

Edited

Of course not.
Yes I've done this 4 times and I'm not even thinking about announcing anything just yet anyway because I'm extremely early.

It's probably me overthinking because I remember how new and special the first is, and I don't want her to feel pushed out.

It's more concern that's all.

I don't want limelight. I'm not that type of person.

OP posts:

DappledThings · 30/09/2024 11:24

It's probably me overthinking because I remember how new and special the first is, and I don't want her to feel pushed out.
Both overthinking and projecting. I didn't feel like that about my first. It felt normal and just a nice thing that was happening. I'd have been mortified if I found out someone had deliberately kept their own pregnancy secret because they thought I needed to be handled carefully.

Original poster

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:28

DappledThings · 30/09/2024 11:24

It's probably me overthinking because I remember how new and special the first is, and I don't want her to feel pushed out.
Both overthinking and projecting. I didn't feel like that about my first. It felt normal and just a nice thing that was happening. I'd have been mortified if I found out someone had deliberately kept their own pregnancy secret because they thought I needed to be handled carefully.

Ok that's fair.
Didn't even think of that.
Thankyou I appreciate your messages.

I don't want to do a big announcement, I think after reading these comments, just talking her privately first will be the best way to move forward.

Thanks so much

OP posts:

SomewhereAround · 30/09/2024 11:30

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:19

Of course not.
Yes I've done this 4 times and I'm not even thinking about announcing anything just yet anyway because I'm extremely early.

It's probably me overthinking because I remember how new and special the first is, and I don't want her to feel pushed out.

It's more concern that's all.

I don't want limelight. I'm not that type of person.

Show quote history

No, I'm not suggesting in the slightest you are someone desperate for the limelight, only that you seem to be assuming your SIL is...? Presumably, as you are so early in your pregnancy still, you may not be telling anyone for another three months, anyway...?

Apolloneuro · 30/09/2024 11:33

Wait to announce your pregnancy and tell first, privately. Congratulations x

sundayagainagain · 30/09/2024 11:34

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:15

Thankyou so much for sharing this.
That must have been so draining for you, can't imagine the mental stress that came along with that.
Pregnancy is so hard anyway without all of that.

I'm not trying to compete with her and I don't want to make her feel like she not important or special.
Her pregnancy is going to be extremely special and the whole family will make her feel special.

I wouldn't want this to come between us.

Show quote history

What is all this stealing her thunder, compete, make her feel extremely special? It’s a pregnancy, you are not giving birth to baby Jesus. Why do you assume it will come between you, it’s very odd. And frankly condescending.

Original poster

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:38

Somewhere around-
I appreciate your comment. Thankyou so much!
Yes I'll wait til after a scan.

OP posts:

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/09/2024 11:40

How far along is she?

Original poster

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:44

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/09/2024 11:40

How far along is she?

About 2 months

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2024 11:45

Congrats 👶🏼

I get why you feel like this as your 5th and her 1st

Similar happened to me - I said I was preg - first baby - ttc 10yrs so mini blondes was a miracle baby tbh

Everyone in Shock and so happy for us

But think 2mths later found out a cousin for dd was on its way and mum was my friend

People thought I might be jealous. Not sure why tbh

She was wary about telling me but honestly I was overjoyed for her and a forever playmate for our children

Born 4w apart. See each other every month or so and had their first sleepover at 7 the other week at mine.

I love the way their friendship has grown and play so nicely she. See each other

Sure all Will be fine

Announce after had scan so be another 8/10w or so

Original poster

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:49

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2024 11:45

Congrats 👶🏼

I get why you feel like this as your 5th and her 1st

Similar happened to me - I said I was preg - first baby - ttc 10yrs so mini blondes was a miracle baby tbh

Everyone in Shock and so happy for us

But think 2mths later found out a cousin for dd was on its way and mum was my friend

People thought I might be jealous. Not sure why tbh

She was wary about telling me but honestly I was overjoyed for her and a forever playmate for our children

Born 4w apart. See each other every month or so and had their first sleepover at 7 the other week at mine.

I love the way their friendship has grown and play so nicely she. See each other

Sure all Will be fine

Announce after had scan so be another 8/10w or so

Thankyou so much!

I think it'll be lovely, it's just a worry right now but that's all.
I'm sure I'm building it up to be a much bigger problem than it will actually is

OP posts:

orangegato · 30/09/2024 11:50

There are some weird women about who get jealous that other people have babies besides them. Like they only got knocked up for the attention it brings them.

Do not pander to this, or to the notion that she will behave like this. If she is such a child she shouldn’t be having one.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/09/2024 11:53

mummymeerkat90 · 30/09/2024 11:44

About 2 months

Show quote history

Maybe wait until after your scan then, and when you do tell her, tell her how excited you are for her and that you hope the cousins will be close. I would also say that you already knew you were pregnant when she announced her pregnancy to you but it was very early days so you didn't want to count your chickens, and you also didn't want to steal her thunder in any way, which is why you didn't immediately respond, "Me too!"