Am I Stealing her thunder

[mummymeerkat90]

Partner and I have just found out we are pregnant with #5, we are thrilled but it's early days (1-2 on conception indicator) so we haven't told anyone.

My SIL came over and announced that she is pregnant with her first baby.
Such exciting news and we are thrilled!!

I'm just really worried that when we want to announce ours, she will feel like we are stealing her thunder.

I really don't want to ruin this moment for her, this major life event I don't want to stamp all over it.

I'm not sure how to navigate this
TIA

Missscarletintheballroom -

Thankyou so much!
I really am thrilled for her, she announced it in a lovely way, she bought my partner a card with a big Guess what on the front that he had to scratch off and it said you're going to be an uncle
It was the cutest thing!!

I had a similar thing but from the other side - we were just about to announce our first pregnancy, and then my BIL and partner announced they were pregnant with their second. Due to them finding out later (quite a surprise!) it ended up coinciding with our 12 week scan.

We just waited a couple of days. Honestly we thought it was funny as we never expected them to have a 2nd. We joked about stealing our thunder but it really didn't matter. And now we have two cousins who are close in age.

I hope your SIL would be happy to have a similar aged playmate and someone to go through pregnancy with. Good luck!

Thankyou so much. I really hope so too.

These situations always make me think of the Beatles song. "They say it's your birthday! It's my birthday too, yeah!" That is not a cool thing to do on someone's birthday, Paul McCartney!

In 2.5 months time she'll be more like 5 months and you can be like "and I'm happy to be joining you on maternity leave next year...." keep it low key, it's polite to let her 'lead' since it's her first.

She has had her moment though in telling everyone you are allowed to celebrate and enjoy your pregnancy what ever way she takes that is on her not you . Any decent person would be delighted for you

Does she have form for being a diva op? Is she already making every conversation about her and how she's going to be giving birth to the most important baby ever? Does she tend to have a strop of at parties etc everyone isn't staring at her?

I don't think you need to have a quiet word with her first, it isn't like she's TTC with no success. Just tell them how you told them about the other four. Not at her baby shower obviously 🤣 but unless she's a total brat, I wouldn't do anything different.

It’s not weird. I was pregnant at the same time as my SIL twice - once due 2 days apart, then due 10 days apart. People are pregnant at the same time as other people in the same phase of life all the time.
There’s no way you could have done it on purpose as you were already pregnant when you found out she was. I’m sure she’s a grown up and therefore won’t throw a strop.

can i assume that at 1 or 2 weeks pregnant you wouldn't be annoucing to the world you are pregnant until the 12 week mark anyway? if she's now 2 months or 8 weeks pregnant, and announcing now, unless you annouce now, you won't be stealing anything will you?

my DD had an horrific time with a close friend who announced at the 12 week mark, and then DD announced at her 12 week mark, which was 2 weeks later.. she has had a year from hell from this woman. she's accused my DD of stealing her nursery ideas, her nursing chair plans, her sex reveal plans, baby shower plans, christening plans... my poor DD was simply not allowed to be excited about her own baby because this friend accused her of 'stealing her thunder'..

That's so awful I'm so sorry your daughter has been dealing with that.

I won't announce anything yet. Not at all.

Just tell them how you told them about the other four. Not at her baby shower obviously 🤣 but unless she's a total brat, I wouldn't do anything different.
This. It's a total non-issue unless she's a diva and if she's a diva then you'll never get it right anyway

My SiL did get all weird about it. She announced her second almost as soon as she found out she was pregnant. I already knew I was expecting when she did it but I didn't make and grand announcement and it turned out I was further on than her. So I got accused of stealing her thunder. I didn't even know she was planning a second, let alone deliberately got pregnant before her. 🙄The whole thing was very odd. But then she and her H both are very odd and this was probably one of the least peculiar things they said/did before we went NC!

Most normal families will be delighted for both of you.

I'd let her have her day in the sun and announce mine as late as possible but before I was showing.

Please don't feel like this, my sister found out she was pregnant just as we had our dd and kept it a secret because she felt she was stealing our thunder.
We felt awful and a bit offended she couldn't tell us but we're absolutely thrilled for her.
I'd never have wanted her to feel she couldn't share her news, we're not that fragile.

It's such a wonderfully weird situation.

Two women being pregnant at the same time is 'wonderfully weird' situation?

How exactly?

I think OP has a lot going on in her own head.

I mean, there's not really anything you can do about it is there - she's going to find out about your baby at some point 🤣 I really enjoyed stealing my sister in law's thunder when I announced my second just after her fourth, but equally I was absolutely delighted when my cousin stole my thunder announcing her first much longed for baby two weeks after that. Having cousins the same age is a real joy and anyone who can't see that is daft.

Firstly, congratulations OP.

Secondly as has been the general consensus as long as your SIL isn’t a bit of DIVA it will be fine to announce as you normally would. By the time you’ve had your 12 week scan she would have had her 20 week one and may even know sex if they’re planning on finding out so even though your kids will be super close in age, at this stage you’re at quite obviously different stages. I’m sure she will be happy for you but agree with others if there is really any concern over how she will handle it just speak to her and your brother before announcing to whole family. I’m sure it will be nice for her that you will both share Mat leave together and she will have someone going through same stuff.

I do understand where you’re coming from though. My best friend announced she was 4 weeks pregnant with her second when I was about 18 weeks pregnant and a small part of me wanted to enjoy my moment all to myself (blame pregnancy hormones as not normally a DIVA) but I certainly didn’t kick up a fuss or get upset and now I’m really excited for her to have her second one and we’ve both been a great support to each other throughout the pregnancies. I wouldn’t even mention the stealing thunder bit and just focus on how exciting it will be for you both to have a shared experience.

Maybe tell her first. Let her know you found out at the same time and you want her to revel in her first pregnancy, but you’re going to have to tell people soon, so can you and she come up with a time to let people know that doesn’t step on her toes….

If it were me I’d just announce it after the scan like most people do, I wouldn’t single her out and tell her first, I’d just keep things normal.

if she accuses you of stealing her thunder then tbh the relationship isn’t that great anyway . My brothers wife has had a constant struggle with us having “nice things” in life and gets jealous pissed off at me for the least thing.

ahe hated me spending time with my mum and the kids, going on holiday with my mum , speaking to my brother. I couldn’t win, hence why we are No contact with them both, life is much more peaceful.

I told my mum I was pregnant and 48 hours later so did
Both asked her to keep it to themselves!!

we aren’t the closest siblings but we haven’t had rivalry and I certainly don’t feel they stole my thunder (they’re due first in fact)