Am I unusual for not having strong birth views?

[Mitsky]

I’m a fairly relaxed positive person day to day outside of pregnancy and seem to have carried this approach forward into how this baby gets out of me!

I feel like I should have stronger feelings about preferences but after a couple of years and multiple miscarriages as long as he / she arrives safely I’m really not bothered. I just found out in my final scan that it’s currently breech and did a mumsnet search to see loads of posts about how they’d choose almost anything else over a C-section, why would you put yourself through major surgery etc etc whereas my view is if that’s a safe and controlled way of getting it out then great!

Am I going to be a terrible parent because of my lack of conviction?!

Gosh, no.
But you do have a conviction - whatever is the best and safest.
It sounds to me you'll be guided by experts depending on the context at the time.

I did not give a shit how my son was born. Providing he was in fact, born and healthy! I had 6 cycles of IVF and lost 5 babies including my sons twin. I wasn't about to get my knickers in a twist about how he arrived on the planet.

My only stipulation was "whatever is necessary to have a healthy baby". End of.

You can be positive and relaxed as a person and still have views on how you wish your birth to go.

You are you and have your ways and that's ok. However, it's also OK if someone else wants it different to you it doesn't = they are somehow uptight or
not relaxed.

It's the best way to be. Preferences largely go out of the window when the time goes so go with the flow and you'll be grand! Good luck!

I had a strong preference - an epidural as soon as possible. Couldn’t see the point of pain and discomfort. Got what I wanted- pain free labour whilst watching Wimbledon and going to sleep!

I didn't have a preference the first time.

Second time my preference was the same as the first!

But no I think it's not particularly unusual to not have a preference first time round.

No, it's a healthy attitude to have. Too many women end up disappointed because their birth plan didn't pan out. Birth is wildly unpredictable and it's good to approach it with an open mind rather than be set on a firm path.

Each birth comes with its own challenges so I think it’s not unreasonable not to have a preference, and it might make your birth more relaxed.

I didn't really have any strong opinions or convictions until recently when I was told I would need to be induced at 37 weeks, which is now only 9 days away. I suppose I have had more to think about now than before and have researched/scrutinised the induction process quite a bit. Needless to say it doesn't change that whatever happens will happen, and ultimately you have no control over that. But I am thinking more about pain relief now than I was before, and how to keep myself calm as I will need to be in hospital for the entire induction process and won't spend any of my labour at home. It's okay for the way you feel about birth to be fluid x

I think you have the right attitude. If you go with the flow and have no set expectations there is less chance of disappointment. I have seen posts on MN from women who didn't have the birth experience they dreamed of - their expectations were obviously too high and childbirth isn't like that. As long as the pain is managed as far as possible (unlikely to be completely painless) and the baby is delivered safely then that is perfect.

No, I didn’t write a birth plan, my midwife said ‘very wise.’ Like you, after a couple of miscarriages, I really didn’t care how baby was born only that it was safely.

Epidural was my only preference. As long as my babies were born safely .

I think this is quite a common outlook and doesn't equate to poor parenting after birth.

You sound like you have the perfect attitude-prioritize safety rather than whims and going with medical experts’ advice rather than thinking you know best.

Its a good way to be - ready to go with the flow.

I wasn't particularly worried about this either when my son was born. I'd struggled for four years to conceive him, I just wanted him to arrive safe and unharmed. I ended up needing a c section, and the midwife commented on how accepting I was about that - I was sixteen day past my due date by that point, induction had failed, and just wanted to finally meet my baby!

I have one request, and that is that DP can be the one to tell me if we’ve got a boy or girl.

Other than that, whatever keeps me and them safe is what should happen!

I’m very similar to you, due next week. I feel informed about all the options / choices, after NCT and reading, but am genuinely very open minded to see how it goes. I can’t really see how I’d be decisive about options when I’ve never birthed before and don’t know what it’ll be like!

I think your outlook is the more common one it's just that the women who have very very strong views on childbirth seem to be very vocal about it. You sound like a very level headed pragmatic person which is a great way to be as a parent. You won't be full of angst for every tiny thing.

Thank you everyone that’s very reassuring! Even my mum has asked me why I’m not in fretting mode.

@hereismydog same for me! He’s now concerned he might get it wrong 😄

I was like this as well OP. To me birth was a means to an end, and as long as the outcome was that both I and my baby were healthy that was all that mattered to me.

I find the focus on birth a bit odd. It’s an experience that lasts a day or so, as compared to the many years you then have actually parenting. To me focusing on the birth is like someone who is emigrating to eg Australia thinking only about the flight to get there, and not the life they’ll actually have once they arrive.

I actually think this is a far better attitude to have than to go in with a rigid birth plan and panic if it doesn't go exactly as you wish!

I was the same as you. I think it is the best way to go into childbirth. You hear so often how people are very upset post birth, when things did not go to plan. If you have no plan, you won't be disappointed. And lets face it, human bodies don't know or care about following the plan.

At my birth plan appointment the one thing I said was I wanted to be in a hospital surrounded by medical personal and wanted whatever intervention to ensure my baby came out safely.

I had an induction that didn't work and had an emergency c section. I had an OK recovery but did develop an infection( as did baby), but it was more likely from the fact that my waters were gone for 2 and half days by the time they just took him out. I know women who had a natural birth with worst recovery then mine.

I wanted the baby to be dellievered in the safest possible way for my situation. I don't think that's unreasonable so I was definitely in that same sort of indifference regarding the way he came out.

Congradulations

I didn't have a preference and I didn't particularly read up on it. I figured the nurses would tell me what to do and advise me. In retrospect I think I should have given it some more thought but I don't think it would have changed much.
I ended up in hospital for 10 night with my first due to reacting badly to something. I can't say it bothered me, the nurses and doctors were very caring and I got a room to myself so just went with it. My baby was healthy and feeding well so I rested and relaxed.