3 day work trip at 30 weeks pregnant

[Copenhagener]

Hi all,

First pregnancy here.

I’ve been asked to attend a three-day work trip next week (internal team building stuff) in a neighbouring country.

It’s about a 1 hour drive to a rural spa/farm, and will be 3 packed days (8am-10pm) of socialising, late meals, workshops, etc. Everything is a ‘surprise’, so I’m not allowed to know what the evening activity agenda is, or even what’s the menu for the meals.

I don’t have any complications (as far as I know), but I’m quite nervous. I am constantly tired, nauseous, and have very sore ligaments even when working from home, can only walk for short distances, and dealing with a lot of acid reflux, heartburn and gagging when I eat, so hours-long team meals sound potentially problematic.

Do I suck it up and try my best at the event, or say I can’t attend? I’ve only been working there since March, and will be on leave from end of October (normal in my country) so I feel awkward calling out, but no one is acknowledging things may be challenging for me and say it’s an important event that we need to attend.

I went to Finland for a week for work at 24-25 weeks and had the same concerns. I opted out of a lot of stuff, went to the supermarket to have some foods and went to bed early. My isn't complicated and I was feeling well, which made it easier to decide (I also reeeeeeally wanted to go!!!).

I was a plane journey from home so was a bit more nervous about that - will you have your own car?

I think they are being a little unreasonable about keeping things a surprise. I would (gently) give them an ultimatum - if you are expected to be there, you need to know what the schedule is, what food will be available or if you can have alternative dining arrangements and if you are entitled to rest periods and to opt out of other activities. In my country (continental Western Europe), pregnant women aren't allowed work overtime, or do night shifts after a certain date. Could you check the laws around working when pregnant and remind them of these? Also, if organising a trip they should do a risk assessment - could you ask them to do that for you?

If they refuse to inform you of those things you can tell them it sounds like they've worked hard to plan a great trip and you wish you could go, but it's not going to work for you this year and you hope you can join the next time they organise it. It doesn't matter how long you've worked there, you're there now and you're 30 weeks and that's that.

I wouldn't have been happy about it at 30 weeks. Can you chat to them and see if they will let you know arrangements? If there's a lot of stuff you won't be able to do then it seems pointless you going really.

Crikey - yes you definitely need to go. They are aware you are pregnant and you have presumably said that on any forms about dietary requirements. My view may be skewed as I was travelling to the states and China right up until the point I was no longer allowed in all my pregnancies but it isn’t an illness, you have no complications and they are hardly going to be asking you to do anything dangerous. Just go and get on with it would be my advice.

You should go if you should but they should be giving you information on activities so you can do your best to make sure you can join in

I wouldn't have wanted to go tbh.

Assuming they've done risk assessment on whatever they have planned?
I'd ideally want to know before hand as may not be worth it if you need to sit out on a lot.

Do you want to go? It sounds like you are struggling with fatigue, ligament pain and nausea so it isn't unreasonable of you to ask them for a risk assessment to cover whatever they have planned. If it's team building things like climbing, building dens etc it is likely that you can't do them anyway. Ask them how they have taken your pregnancy inot account.

Whilst you are not ill, there is legal requuirement and a reasonable expectation that they only ask you to do things that are possible and safe for a heavily pregnant woman with ligament pain and fatigue and sickness.

‘Not an illness’ is crap. I’m 33 weeks pregnant and could not manage this without a clear schedule upfront so that I could make a decision about whether I will be able to opt-out of certain things/ get away and rest if I need to. You’re in the last stages of growing a baby, it’s tiring, often uncomfortable and that’s without adding in heartburn, pregnancy insomnia, ligament pain, nausea etc.

as others have said, I would insist on seeing the schedule so that you can see what is doable. You can frame it positively ‘I would absolutely love to go, I’m looking forward to seeing colleagues and participating but I’m nervous about the schedule and may need to do so in a way that adjusts for what I can do physically’. If your line manager isn’t receptive, could you chat with HR? I know if it was my employer (who have been great) they would work through different options to enable me to be there, such as joining for just some of the days or opting out of evening activities.

At 30 weeks I'd have been more that up for that.
My colleague, pregnant at a similar time, wouldn't have been able to from about 18 weeks.

So it's not just about asking you to be away, but considering your exact pregnancy.

I think you definitely need an overview of the activities. Not sure why the food is a concern?

But then I carried on as normal until about 35 weeks, when I took a days leave a week. I did decline to go to France at 37 weeks tho....

You're pregnant not sick. Don't go if it's such an inconvenience for you but also then don't complain because no one cares you've gone on mat leave

Wtf

Not everyone has a nice easy breezy pregnancy.

I'd definitely go. There are so many things you end up having to say no to after the baby is born. I wouldn't be starting before they arrive (so long as I was fit and healthy)

That is such a horrible comment
No it's not an illness but pregnancy brings on all kinds of delightful side effects which really do impact your ability to do things
I had pgp from about 30 weeks and massively struggled
No way I'd have been happy with a trip away unless I knew what was involved

@Chasingbaby2 she's going to a spa... I think she can cope

You honestly think you are helping anyone with these comments?
It's reasonable to ask for a rough plan of the activities, that could mean anything. Its irrelevant that this is a spa. She also said its a farm.....
Clearly it's not going to be sitting around all day is it.
Just don't comment if you really can't help bring nasty.

In a rural area in a different country for me it would depend on how easily you could reach medical facilities if you went into early labour.

Having not given you an agenda and keeping the schedule they’ve given you carte blanche to cherry pick what you please. Early nights, gentle swim, pregnancy massage and afternoon naps.
win win.

Don’t be ridiculous. It’s the 8am- 10pm surprise itinerary OP is concerned about.

I didn't say I wouldn't go. Nor did the OP. I coped just fine thank you very much for your concern, you sound just delightful.

Quick answers to a few things - and I know pregnancy isn’t an illness, but it’s certainly impacting my day-to-day life quite a lot at the moment.

• it’s in rural Scandinavia, no supermarkets or shops nearby or public transport
• risk assessments for pregnancy isn’t a thing here, though I have told them I’m pregnant
• it’s group travel - I’ll be in a car with 5 others, so no way to leave early
• no dietary requirements taken by the organiser, but last team building when I was pregnant (and told them) it was a cooking class; and only one of the dishes was pregnancy-safe (think raw fish; rare meat, unpasteurised cheese, alcohol-soaked desserts)
• I’m worried about making others uncomfortable. I just regurgitated down my front with reflux while writing this reply - it comes with zero warning and I’m doing it multiple times a day
• It’s not a luxury spa trip, it’s at a Scandinavian rural outdoors spa (think saunas, outdoor polar plunge pools, alpacas, pine forests, wild caught fish and game food - I’m guessing the activities will involve some of these, but it’s hard to be sure)

Given the reflux I’d ask to work solely from home with a doctor’s note or go on sick leave. Pregnancy is obviously not an illness but it does have a way of disabling you temporarily in some cases.

I did a work conference 2 hrs drive from home at 32 weeks pregnant with twins.

My boss drove me there in his car and was willing to drive me home at any moment (his offer, I accepted!). I presented at the conference and was able to attend the meals and drinks afterwards.

It felt good to leave on maternity leave having attended the conference and reminded people who I was before I left!

It might be different if it's just internal team building stuff. Equally, if it's somewhere with buffet breakfast, a pool or spa and comfortable rooms, then you may well be very glad of it at 30 weeks

I wouldn't go without confirming

They will stop the car each time you feel sick
That there is mobile coverage so you can quickly call for medical attention if you go into labour
That they have considered what foods are safe for a pregnant woman with nausea
That you can go to bed as early as you need to.
That travel insurance which covers you is in place

If you feel comfortable, I'd discuss all those points with your manager and HR if necessary and just see what they say.
It doesn't sound all that pregnancy friendly in all honesty, hopefully they are willing to make accommodations for you so that you can participate (they should do!) but then it shouldn't come as much of a surprise if you still don't feel comfortable and decline.
As a former HR manager who had responsibilities in these regions, I'm sad to hear about the lack of risk assessment done for you. It means quite rightly that you cannot make assumptions that you've been considered by the event organiser and it seems reasonable that you'd be carefully considering the impacts.

It sounds like it could be a fun trip. When you're not pregnant!
Honestly, my opinion is, life is waaaay to short to do things you don't want to do to please other people (especially work). If you don't want to go and it will stress you out, Don't go. You know that expression "if it's not going to matter in 5 years don't spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it".
Sounds like it might be a worth getting the itinerary and just make a call if it's something you actually want to do, and if you decide it's not then you should feel totally within your rights to decline the invitation xx